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We were still stuck somewhere in Missouri. Some God forsaken, Midwestern town, not far enough from Chicago to feel completely safe from Killian's grasp. But, so far, we'd been lucky. We hadn't seen hide nor hair of Killian or any of his goons. While I felt somewhat safe, I didn't want to jinx us by declaring the crisis over. We still had to be smart, vigilant. At least, until we got out of the Midwest.
Most of the money Declan made doing the odd jobs when he could find them, went to Jack. That's just the way it was. We tried to switch things up now and then, but without gas money, we stayed pretty close by.
Today, he was working at a local mechanic's shop. A twelve-hour shift that would net him a couple hundred bucks. Not enough to get far away, but enough to eat on for a few days. That was something, at least. I'd been told to stay inside, with Jack. To not leave for any reason whatsoever. That was most days for me, and frankly, I was growing impatient. I was tired of being locked up and getting a case of cabin fever. I loved the little guy, but I needed some fresh air. I needed something besides the four walls of the hotel room to stare at. I was going a little stir crazy cooped up all day, every day.
After flipping through the shitty cable lineup, I turned off the TV. Jack was lying beside me on the bed, content to be staring at his fingers. As cute as he was, I needed some sunshine.
“Let's go on a walk, little man,” I said. “Just a little one.”
In the back of my mind, there was another reason for me wanting to venture out without Declan. My period was late – like a week late. While we'd made sure to use condoms after the first two times we'd had sex, we hadn't been careful at first.
Because I was normally so regular, the fear of being late was gnawing away at me in the back of my mind. As were the words he'd said – specifically, about not needing another surprise baby. He was right about that. Jack was a handful on his own as it was. We really didn't need two kids to lug around and try to hide in this new life on the run. Who knew when it would be safe again for us to settle down in just one place? Who knew if it ever would be?
A baby was the last thing we needed, I knew that. I also knew, if given the choice, Declan wouldn't want to keep it. While I, on the other hand, wouldn't dream of having an abortion. I was raised Catholic, but even though my religion had lapsed, I stared down at Jack and knew that if I carried a child inside of me, I'd love it from the moment I found out it was growing in my belly. I told myself that maybe my period was late because of all the stress we'd been under. It happened a lot. Stress, yes, that had to be it. Still, it was better safe than sorry, and since there was a Walgreens down the street, I figured I should probably run down and pick something up. Might as well find out for sure, then I could make a decision about what to do. If nothing else, it would put my mind at ease.
Or give me a whole new set of worries to carry.
But I needed to know because this limbo I was stuck in was driving me absolutely bananas. I grabbed the hotel key card and carried Jack in my arms, making sure no one was outside the room before I left. The coast was clear, so I stepped into the hallway and walked down toward the elevator. A nearby door opened up and I held my breath, my heart thumping hard in my breast. An elderly woman stepped out of the room, smiling at me.
“Oh, look at that little cutie,” she said, a strong Southern accent ringing through her words. “What's his name?”
“Jack,” I mumbled.
“What a darling little boy,” she said. “He's just precious.”
I didn't think it was very likely she was related to Killian,
so I let my guard down a little bit. She seemed like a sweet old lady. Completely non-threatening. She was headed to the elevator too, and she made small talk, asking me about my “son.” I just went with it.
“We're On our way to California,” the woman said once inside the elevator. “Thought a road trip would be fun. Boy, were we wrong. I already told Walter that he can drive home, I'll buy myself a plane ticket instead.”
I laughed along with her, feeling more at ease and normal than I had in weeks. Still, I had to keep an eye out. I couldn't let my guard down completely. When the elevator doors opened, I let her step out first and followed close behind, hiding behind her as best I could until I was able to see the lobby was empty except for a couple of employees who were milling about.
I hurried to the exit and stepped outside, keeping my head down as I walked through the parking lot. I held Jack close to me and walked swiftly down the street. I saw the familiar Walgreens emblem in the distance and headed straight for it, feeling a rush of relief the moment I stepped into the store. Safe. Completely unnoticed and unmolested.
“Good morning,” a young kid said cheerily from behind the counter.
Hearing his voice nearly caused me to jump out of my skin. My heart beating hard again, I spun around and realized he was just an employee standing there looking at me like I'd lost my damn mind. I cleared my throat and smiled politely.
“Good morning,” I said.
“Anything I can help you find, miss?”
I scanned the signage above the aisles, feeling like my head was spinning. Also feeling like an idiot for nearly having a seizure when he'd greeted me. All I wanted was to get what I needed and get the hell out of there.
“Uhh yeah, pregnancy tests?” I asked, pitching my voice low. “What aisle would they be in?”
“Aisle twelve,” he said. “Would you like me to show you?”
He was a young boy, couldn't be older than seventeen. I had no desire to stand in the pregnancy test aisle with him helping me. He's the last person who should know about such things. “No thank you. I can find it. I appreciate your help though,” I muttered, heading toward aisle twelve.
I walked through the store and then turned down the aisle, finding it empty. Thank God. I adjusted Jack in my arms as I scanned the different products. Finally, I found a row of pregnancy tests and grabbed the cheapest one. Then, just in case, I grabbed another before hustling back to the counter. I moved about the store freely, not seeing any shady figures lurking behind the potato chip displays. There was nobody casting sidelong looks at me from the toothbrush aisle. I didn't feel a looming threat at all. It all seemed so easy, that my paranoia faded. I was no longer looking over my shoulder for someone following us. It actually felt nice to be freed of that burden.
When I got to the counter, the kid who'd greeted me called me over to his register. As he rang me up, he made a little bit of small talk. I guessed it had to be a lonely job at times – especially when there were no customers buzzing in and out of the store.
“How old's your son?” he asked.
“Uhh, about three months now,” I said.
