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“Fate?” Bethany finished for me.
“As pathetic as that sounds,” I said. “Yes, it felt like fate.”
Bethany shrugged. “Well, maybe it was.”
“How?” I asked. “How could it be? After what he did?”
“He lied,” Bethany said with a nod. “But is that really the worst thing you can imagine?”
“It’s not the best,” I said darkly.
“Of course not,” Bethany said. “I’m just saying, Michael isn’t the devil, Julie. He lied because he didn’t know what else to do. He obviously cares about you.”
“I just feel like our entire relationship was built on a lie,” I said. “Like none of it was real.”
“Do you really believe that?” Bethany asked.
I hesitated. My immediate answer was ready and waiting on my lips, but it didn’t feel true. When I thought about all the time I’d spent with Michael, a warm feeling spread throughout my entire body. I could remember the way I felt the first time I saw him, how his dark blue eyes had drawn me in instantly. Our first kiss came flooding back to me, and my stomach clenched with desire at the mere memory.
More still, when I remembered the way Michael looked at me as we stood in front of that huge Christmas tree in the middle of the town square, I knew his feelings were real.
“I don’t know anymore,” I said, defeated.
“Just think about it,” Bethany said gently. “You want to be with him, Jules. It’s written all over your face.”
“Of course, I do,” I admitted. “But what does that matter now? It’s not like we can just snap our fingers and fix everything. It doesn’t work that way.”
“Doesn’t it?” Bethany smiled.
“Beth.”
“It’s a phone call, Julie,” Bethany said. “One phone call. You call him, you talk, and you go from there.”
“What if it doesn’t change anything? What if he tells me it was a setup for whatever fucked up reason he might have?” I asked her.
“I don’t think that’s it, Jules,” Bethany said confidently.
“What makes you say that?”
She shrugged. “Gut feeling.”
“Girls!” our mom’s voice called from downstairs. “Layla’s up from her nap!”
“Oh, crap.” Bethany groaned. “Already?”
“We should get down there anyway,” I said. “Mom wanted to bake cookies tonight.”
Bethany linked her arm with mine and led me out into the hall. We bounced our way downstairs just like we did as kids. After one conversation with my sister, I no longer felt like my world was crumbling around me. I felt stronger. More confident.
Still, I didn’t know what to do. My confusion was stronger than ever as I stepped into the kitchen. Mom had all the stuff ready to make cookies. We got to work while Andrea changed Layla and then brought her over to help us.
The four of us girls spent the rest of the evening baking and decorating cookies. We crowded around the kitchen table with icing and sprinkles scattered everywhere. Christmas music played in the background and, just like that, I was a kid again.
We all laughed and teased each other while we worked on the cookies. Layla giggled every time she snuck a bite of icing. Even my dad made his way over to help. It was amazing to just be in the moment with my family and let my problems disappear.
When I went to bed that night, I didn’t feel like crying. Michael’s face appeared in my mind, and I smiled to myself, remembering everything we’d done together. I replayed our conversations over and over again in my head. I could almost hear his voice. When I drifted off to sleep, my memories turned into dreams. I awoke the next morning flushed with desire and smiling.
It wasn’t until I realized I was only dreaming that the smile fell from my lips. I felt Michael’s absence stronger than ever, and I wondered if Bethany was right and I should call him.
