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“LIES, Carly Jo, I know you better than that! It took you seven damn years to clear your head? Come clean already, damn it! I want to know the truth, damn it I deserve to know the truth.” Colton yells as he clinches his fists as his sides.
He’s right. I’ve kept this demon buried deep within my soul for far too long, and nobody, at all, knows this buried secret. I can feel the bile crawling from my stomach, as I rush to the toilet to expel the food that comes along for the ride. Colton is right at my side, pulling back my wavy hair. I wrap my arms around my waist, and take a moment to calm the trembling, before I stand to brush my teeth.
As I walk into the living room, Colton is waiting, arms wide open, and welcomes me into his lap. Without hesitation, I climb into his lap, and rest my head upon his rock hard chest. We sit together for a long while, tangled up in each other’s arms, just enjoying the silence.
Finally, Colton breaks the barrier, with a light whisper, “Carly Jo, we need to heal. Please darlin’, let us heal together. I need you, you are the other half of my heart, the other half of my soul. Whatever it is, just say it. I need to hear it.” Colton’s plead is gut wrenching. I can’t stand the thought of hurting him any longer.
“The mornin’ I left, I wasn’t feeling well. I woke up, nauseous and vomiting. Somethin’ felt off. At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it, then when I glanced at the calendar on my phone, I realized I was late. So, I ran out to the pharmacy, and bought a pregnancy test.” Colton’s eyes are wide with fear.
“I was pregnant. I had no intentions on leavin’, but I was scared. I went to the mines to see Daddy, expectin’ him to understand my dilemma. Boy was I wrong! He laughed in my face, told me that there was no way
in hell he was going to raise Colton Weston’s bastard child. I was crushed. Daddy was my life, next to you. I didn’t know where else to turn. So I lost my shit, and ran.”
Colton stares off into oblivion for a few moments, before I try to pull him back to reality. “Colton, please say something.”
“You were pregnant? Why didn’t you come to me, Carly Jo?! I was there, why didn’t you come to me?”
“I was scared.”
“You still should have come to me, damn it!”
“Colton, you broke up with me the day before. Daddy was so cold and mean to me. Refused to help me at all. I felt alone and afraid. I didn’t know what else to do. So, I packed my things and left. I went to the only place I knew as well as Williamstown; Myrtle Beach. I thought that if anyone loved me, they would come to look for me. But nobody ever came. After a couple weeks, I started my life over, all alone.”
Colton’s body immediately becomes rigid and tense, sweat beading at his forehead. He bites down, then takes a deep breath, before speaking.
“Sweetheart, that was seven years ago. Where the hell is my child?”
Tears immediately sting, then free fall from my swollen lids. Chest wracking sobs escape my chest, as I shake uncontrollably. Colton wraps his arms tight around me and tries to slow his heavy breaths.
“Carly Jo, please, honey. What happened to the baby, I need to know!” Colton cries.
“I-I l-l-lost it.”
All of the blood drains from Colton’s face, as he begins to gasp for air. Taking a few deep breaths, he clinches his teeth together, begging me for answers. “Carly Jo, darlin’, what do you mean, you lost it? Did you have a miscarriage?”
Another rush of rage rips through me, as I think back to the day I woke up alone in the hospital after I had been beaten and raped; as I think back to the baby that I lost. I rip away from Colton’s embrace, standing in front of him, I begin to yell my confession at him, shouting to the heavens for everyone to hear.
“I was beaten. I was raped. I was stripped of the one sweet love in my life that I truly deserved, that would have loved me unconditionally. I’ll never be able to hold my child. I’ll never be able to nurse her! I’ll never be able to cuddle her, love her! I’ll never be able to watch her play in our back yard! I’ll never be able to watch her grow into a young lady. NEVER. And it’s all your damn fault, you damn bastard! If it weren’t for you, I would have never left Williamstown, I would have never been there in that parking lot that night to be attacked. I would have never experienced so much heartache, so much desperation, so much loss. But I did, all because of you, you damn son of a bitch. You ruined my life! You left me broken! You caused me to lose my child!”
Just as Colton stands, reaching for me, my right fist connects with his left jaw. His head whips back, but he reacts quickly. Wrapping my tiny wrists between his large hands, he pulls me towards him, wrapping his solid arms around my waist. An overwhelming gush of tears release from my eyes, as I scream gut wrenching cries for the child I lost.
Pulling me back down onto the couch, Colton tightens me deep in his arms, as he nuzzles his face in the nook of my neck, bawling his eyes like a baby. I have cried relentless tears for our child over these last seven years, but being able to mourn together with Colton helps bring closure to the loss.
But, seeing him with Heidi Jo, knowing that he has a daughter, that isn’t mine, is just a slap to the face. That thought cracks my heart a little harder, and I truly don’t know how I will ever recover from all of the lies, secrets, and heartache that Colton Weston has consumed me with.
I rub my sleepy eyes, my face still tender from the emotional meltdown Colton and I shared tonight. Raising my head, I see that Colton is still here, with his arms wrapped tight around me. Breaking free from his embrace I go to the kitchen for a bottled water. My body drained itself tonight from any and all liquid it was storing, in the form of my shed tears. My god, I had no clue one could cry so much. I see the mess I created with the fifth of liquor and decide to busy myself, cleaning it up. Cleaning always steadies my thoughts. I grab a box from the garage, and begin to sift through the broken glass, careful not to cut myself. The stench of alcohol takes my breath, and causes my stomach to churn. I clean the mess up quickly, trying to be ever so quiet.
Just as I turn to toss the last Lysol and Jack laced paper towel in the trash, I see Colton leaning lazily against the counter, rubbing heavy eyes.
“Oh shit, you scared me!”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to fall asleep on ya,” Colton says, scrubbing his face roughly with his hands.
“I think we both dozed off, it’s no worries.” I was hoping that sharing our secrets tonight, would clear the tension between the two of us, but honestly, it feels more intense. Maybe we were wrong, uncovering the truth.
“Well, I guess I’ll get goin’, gotta get home to get ready for work. I’ll see ya around at the mines.” Colton replies as he walks towards the front door. He pulls on his boots, and walks out the door, not even taking the chance to look back at me. I walk to the front window, and watch as Colton beats the steering wheel of his truck in a fit of rage. He looks up, and sees me in the window. Dropping his head in defeat, he roars the engine to life, and backs out of the driveway.
I lock the front door behind him, then crawl up on the couch, enveloping the scent that Colton has left behind. My heart, heavy with loss, decides to release another round of tears. Curling my knees to my chest, I cry myself to sleep.
