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Prologue
January 21, 2007
“Damn it’s been a long day.” I say out loud, talkin’ to myself as I pull the Peterbilt into the lot of Dalton Truckin’. I park the truck, and release the air brakes then kill the rumblin’ motor. Lookin’ out at the dim, cloudy day, depression consumes me fillin’ my chest with a thick anxiety of what’s to come. I rest my head on the steerin’ wheel releasin’ a pent up breath of frustration, before I reach into my pocket and pull a couple of Oxy’s out to toss back down my throat. Oxy’s don’t do shit anymore, but it’s a temporary mind numbin’ distraction from all that haunts me daily. Grabbin’ my bucket and coat from the passenger seat, I climb outta my truck and make my way into the office to clock out.
The second I step foot through the damn door I hear my old man bitchin’ at one of the other trucker’s as usual. Tryin’ to escape his grouchy ass, I punch my card and try to slide out the door quietly, but that jackass knows I’m here.
“Weston, where the hell you think you’re goin’?”
“Hey, Pops. On my way home for the day. I’ll catch ya in the mornin’.” I say tippin’ my head.
“Like hell. How many loads did you haul today?”
“Five, Pops.”
“Five? Why the hell just five, Colton?”
“Damn it, Pops, really? You know them dicks up at Coal Branch load the trucks slow as hell. Don’t even give me your bitch session, ‘cause I ain’t hearin’ it. Bust somebody else’s balls for once, will ya?” I scowl at him, shakin’ my head in frustration. Five damn loads of coal in eight hours is makin’ pretty good damn time if ya ask me.
“Ah hell, I thought you were haulin’ outta Black Ridge today, son.”
“Nope, you pulled me back to days, so I’m back to haulin’ at Coal Branch. But I’ll go back to nights any damn time, please.”
He leans back in his chair and laughs at me.
“You’re doin’ this shit intentionally, ain’t ya? Frickin’ prick.”
“Colton, you’re the one who couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. Now you gotta pay the Piper, boy. So, it’s time you man up, and start livin’ the real life. Ain’t no more of this ‘what Colton wants’ shit. You gotta little one comin’ any day now, whether you’re ready for it or not. It don’t matter what shift ya work, as long you’re puttin’ the bread on the table, and a roof over your family’s head.” He laughs, shakin’ his head at my impendin’ doom.
“Damn it, like I ain’t heard enough of this bullshit over the last damn six months. I think I can handle my own mistakes just fine, without you constantly bitchin’ at me over ‘em. Don’t you think I got enough goin’ on without you pilin’ more on top of me. Shit, Pops. Back the hell off. It ain’t like Kari ain’t breathin’ down my damn neck enough. I’m just about to snap, and when I do, ain’t a one of ya gonna survive my wrath.” I seethe through gritted teeth. I can feel the heat rollin’ off my face. I’m sick as hell at this shit.
“Go on home, son. I’m sure Kari’s waitin’ by the door to bitch at ya some more. That is unless you wanna run on home to ya momma and hide behind her skirt tail some more.”
“What the hell ever, old man. Damn it all to hell.” I bite back at him as I make my way out of his office.
Ain’t nothin’ been right since I found out that Kari was pregnant. Carly Jo ran off, ain’t gotta damn clue where she is, or if she’ll ever come home. Big John fired my ass from Simon Energy, and even though Pops gave me a job drivin’ a coal truck, the damn prick busts my chops every frickin’ chance he gets. From losing my football scholarship, losing the love of my life, and knockin’ up a woman that I had a one night stand with, yeah…I’m a real friggin’ winner in his eyes. Momma gets pissed as hell at him for constantly ridin’ my ass, but he don’t give a shit. He’s pissed over the moon at my royal screw ups. But hell, there ain’t no changin’ the past.
When I get to Kari’s small, one bedroom apartment, I’m just feelin’ the sensation from the Oxy’s, which ain’t much for shit anymore. I pop these damn Oxy’s like their Smarties. Hell, might as well be candy. Best effect they have over me is just a lulled relaxation. Takin’ a deep breath, I punch the steerin’ wheel then climb out of the truck. I sure as hell don’t wanna be here, but I ain’t ‘bout to go home. Pops would have a field day with that. So, I’ll crash with her, and plaster a fake ass smile on my face, portrayin’ the part of her happily ever after that I honestly want no part of. There ain’t no quick escape for this relationship. Kari is pregnant with my kid, and I ain’t turnin’ my back on my own flesh and blood. I ain’t gotta damn clue how to be a dad, and emotionally, I just ain’t there. Momma keeps tellin’ me I’ll figure it out along the way, it’s all trial and error. But damn…this is a kid. I’m barely in the position to take care of myself, let alone a tiny baby.
Makin’ my way inside the apartment, Kari’s waddlin’ across the floor like a stumpy penguin, rubbin’ the small of her back with one hand and her round belly with the other. She glances at me shootin’ me a crooked, fake smile and whispers, “hey baby, you’re home early,” as she continues to waddle in the small living room.
“Like hell, you lose track of time or somethin’? It’s friggin’ after six, Kari.” I bite back at her.
“I know, baby. I just ain’t been feeling too good today. I called the doctor, but he told me to just rest.”
“So why the hell are ya wearin’ holes in the carpet?”
“Can’t get comfortable. My back is killing me and every time I lay on my side my hips lock up. It hurt
s so bad, Colton. I just wish it would all end.” Damn, hearin’ her surly voice just sends waves of annoyance through me. If she wasn’t pregnant I’d turn and walk away right now.
“You do realize you ain’t the first damn woman to birth a kid, right?” I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth. Damn, probably shouldn’t have said that. Now she’s just gonna bitch some more. She stops quickly in her tracks, glarin’ her icy blue eyes at me, water fillin’ them to the brim. As soon as she speaks, the tears roll down her face.
“Why are you so mean to me? I’m havin’ your baby, Colton! Did you forget that? We are supposed to be a team, but you are so mean about everything. I’m sorry that I bitch and whine all the time, but you are supposed to be understanding and comforting. Not snide and cruel.”
“Kari, I’m sorry. I’m tired and had a long day at work. I’m gonna get a shower. Figure out what’cha want to eat, and I’ll run out to get it after I’m cleaned up, ‘kay?” I toss back over my shoulder as I leave her standin’ mouth agape, in shock that I’m walkin’ away from our little argument.
We argue more and more with each passin’ day. I’ve tried to be honest with Kari, but she ain’t willin’ to hear the truth. But I was raised to be a man, take care of what’s mine, and that’s what I’m gonna do. What other options are there? She knows that nothin’ will ever amount to what we have. She knows that she was just a piece of ass to me when I was high as hell. But she don’t care. She’s in love with me, and together we’re havin’ a baby. My hands are tied, so I just gotta suck it up and live with it.
When I get outta the shower, I pull on some shorts and a t-shirt, then pad into the livin’ room to see what weird concoction she wants for dinner. She’s right where I left her, still rubbin’ damn holes in the carpet. Except now she’s waddlin’ a bit faster, her cheeks are flush with heat and her eyes are pulled down into a piercin’ scowl. I wrap my arms around the top of her shoulders and pull her back to my chest, kissin’ the top of her head.
I’m sorry, Kari. I didn’t mean to get upset at ya. I woudn’t have walked away, but there ain’t no sense in arguin’ and gettin’ ya more upset. What do ya want for supper, and I’ll run out and grab it?”
“Colton, why can’t you fall in love with me? I’m having your baby. Why can’t you just accept what we have and move on instead of trying to push me away? You know she’s never coming back, right? You’re stuck with me. As bad as that may taste to you, it’s the truth. I’m having your kid, Colton. Not her. Carly Jo left you. Not me. I’m here, trying to love you. This baby will be here any day now, and you are making everything so much more difficult on me by being a dick. Forget about her and move forward with me, with our baby, so our family can have it’s happily ever after, please.” She begs me with blood shot, pleading eyes. I kiss her on top of the head again, and pull away, turnin’ towards the front door.
“I’ll just grab a pizza tonight, that okay? Be back in ten.”
“I love you, Colton.” She calls out as I close the door, but I don’t reply, because I just can’t love her.
When I return home with the pizza, Kari is nowhere in sight. I put the pizza on the counter in the kitchen, then call out to her, but she doesn’t answer. I walk in to the bedroom, and flick on the lamp by the bed. It’s still made up, just as it was when I left. I call out to her again, and this time I hear a soft whimper comin’ from the bathroom. I knock softly on the door callin’ to her, but her response is mumbled. Twistin’ the door knob, I walk into the bathroom to find Kari in the floor, her face pale and grey. Takin’ two long strides, I kneel beside her, tryin’ to get her to gain conscience. I press my finger to her pulse point, but her pulse is a slow, faint beat. I search her over to make sure she hadn’t hit her head when she fell, or if she’s injured, but the only thing I find is that she is lyin’ in a pool of moisture. Her water has broke. Scoopin’ her up in my arms, I rush her out to the truck so I can get her to the emergency room as quickly as possible.
I make it to the ER in a record eight minutes. Pullin’ through the drop off corridor, I slam the truck up in park, then jump out and rush inside for help. After shoutin’ at the triage nurse that Kari’s water has broke and she’s been unconscious for at least twelve minutes, she grabs a gurney and another nurse, and they follow me out the truck. They waste no time of transportin’ her to the emergency department. I try to follow on their heels, but the triage nurse tells me that until they know what the situation is, that it would be best to wait in the waitin’ room.
Hours pass, before a doctor approaches me with a grim look upon his face. Grippin’ my fist at my sides, I brace myself for whatever it is he’s comin’ to tell me.
