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One that terrified me.
I pressed my hands to their hands, their cheeks, their chests. I apologized, asked for more time to decide, but deep down I was scared. Am scared.
Was it their words of ardor that forced this change? It’s the only thing that had changed. Besides, how could I ever choose between my three best friends?
So, I shook my head and turned them away, scared of what this meant.
I was going to lose them, forever.
“I’m headed inside to refill my drink, of course,” I say, lifting my empty glass. “Shall we?” I look back over my shoulder one last time at the man in the distance. Now he is wandering up the river’s edge, toward the house. Even though I want to know who he is, my allegiance lies with the men I’m with.
“Another mint julep, my debutante?” Hawthorne asks as we enter the large kitchen. Soul music rolls through the room of the mansion, the chandelier lighting is low, and the wallpaper paints a picture from a different time. Placed here in Styx, it feels like a portal into a world I can’t even remember.
“Of course, darling,” I say playfully, handing over my glass. Reaching for a sprig of fresh mint, I add it to my glass as Hawthorne refreshes it. Whoever owns this house must have a fine ass deal with Hades himself to get such high-end everything. This place is a jewel, and the liquor is top shelf. “Where’s Lennox and South?” I ask before taking a sip. “God, this is good.” The kitchen is bustling with people, all in different stages of fading. Many are practically translucent and ready to depart for good, but that is nothing new.
You arrive in Styx in full human form, but the closer you are to being sent to the Elysian Fields, where your soul rests peacefully, or to the Underworld, where your soul is tormented for eternity, you start to fade until you are gone completely. Never seen again.
“Who knows, Ten. South is probably in a fight and Lennox is most likely off with some new arrival.”
I roll my eyes exaggeratedly. If Lennox wants to make out with a stranger, that’s on him.
“Don’t get like that, Tenny, I’m only teasing,” Hawthorne says, reaching for a jug of moonshine and pouring it into his flask. I notice the way his forearms flex as he moves. Did I notice his body before? I pushed the idea of us away yesterday but now I can’t help but think about what could be.
Or rather, what could have been.
They are fading and yet I am here, completely unchanged. I try to push away my deepest fear. That I will be here, all alone, forever.
I already know I’m an anomaly. Well, Hawthorne and I both. We’re the only two children I’ve ever seen in this place. And instead of fading shortly after we found one another as four-year-olds, we’ve instead, grown up together all these years. Watching thousands upon thousands of souls depart around us.
Until we met Lennox and South that is.
I scowl at Hawthorne, hating it when he jokes like that, and I rearrange my boobs so they look less in-your-face. This purple dress hugs my curves in a way that catches everyone’s attention, but I don’t need to be flashing everyone. Shaking my hair, I try not to listen as Hawthorne attempts to judge me for judging Lennox.
“You can’t have it all, Ten.”
I stand up straighter, looking my oldest friend in the eyes. “Why not?”
But even as I say it, I know the truth. We can’t have it all because we are stuck here, in Styx, the limbo, the great in-between. Not Earth, not the Underworld. I’ve been here since forever and no matter how badly I want out, there is no ticket to the surface.
I hear rumors that you can pay a high price and take a ferry to the Underworld but I’m not ready to make such a final choice. Why would I, when I can stay here with my dearest friends? Except, of course, all that changes now that they’ve begun to shift. To fade. Soon, hours or days from now, they will be gone.
Styx is the only home I know. South, Lennox, and Hawthorne have been with me through thick and thin. The four of us know the drill: keep your head down, your chin up, and make the best of it.
But God, it’s hard some nights.
“I’m just tired of this. It’s the same thing over and over again,” I groan, leaning against the kitchen counter. “We wake up, eat food that we don’t even need to eat in order to stay alive, drink this alcohol that never gets us drunk. Fight over possessions that are all just the discarded remains of the faded ones, and for what?”
“Our life here isn’t all bad, Ten.”
