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“Are you?” she asks, looking at me, pressing her hands to my chest. Doubt suddenly covers her delicate features. “Are you holding information back to protect me?”
I clench my jaw. “Not to protect you, but so we don’t scare you away,” I tell her honestly.
She steps away from me. “I’m tired of being treated like some- thing breakable, North. I want you to see me as strong, capable.”
“You can be strong and still be scared, Lark.”
“You don’t think I’m strong. You think I’m a weak girl who needs strong men to watch over me. But I don’t, North.”
She steps away from me, disappointed.
I don’t pull her back, tell her the truth of what I am, what we are.
She grabs her clothes, dressing silently. I can’t speak, scared to upset her even more.
But as she leaves, I instantly regret it.
Instead of running after her out the hotel, I run to the balcony, and leap from the edge. I shift to hawk form, and follow her home.
I don’t want to scare her, and I know the truth of us will.
14
Lark
I see a hawk circling overhead as I unlock the front door. At the sight of him my skin crawls with familiar-
ity, but then I push the thought away. Mom warned me about the hawks … but then again, she warned me about a lot of things.
She’s waiting for me in the living room, listening to one of her old records, cup of tea in her hand. She has a spread of tarot cards on the coffee table, and she stares at them intently.
“You returned,” she says with a hush to her voice.
“I’m tired,” I tell her, my hand already on the banister leading up stairs. I just want to pull my blankets over me and sleep.
“What happened?” she asks.
I swallow, not wanting to tell her about the vision. About seeing my sister. About memories resurfacing.
“I’m going to bed.”
She nods. She’s not stupid, she knows upset I’m with her. “Won’t you stay down here, listen to more of the story?”
she asks.
But I shake my head. “No, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. And why should I believe your words anyhow? You’ve fed me a lifetime of lies.”
She calls for me, but shallow apologies can’t compete with the depths of my sorrow.
My feet are on the stairs and I’m climbing, away from her. I can’t imagine a time where I would have had the desire to turn back.
* * *
AT REHEARSAL the next day I try to act natural. Like I’m not upset. But the guys seem to know I’m unhappy and are constantly trying to ask if I’m okay.
Last night North let me know he thinks I’m some breakable thing. But I’m not. I may not be the most worldly person, or have tons of life experience, but I got this show all on my own. I’m a fighter, and I know how to work hard.
I may be small in stature, but I’m strong in heart.
And maybe I haven’t shown them that side of me. They met me after I got the contract, they didn’t see me in training mode, when I worked twelve hours days practicing for five years straight.
I need them to understand that, while I feel safe in their arms, I don’t need them to protect me. I don’t need some mythical Mother Earth telling them to take care of me.
I won’t let them in if they don’t want to tell me their whole story, because I know they are holding something back.
And the thing is, I can’t exactly hide how I feel when we’re forced to trust one another with every dance sequence that Melanie has prepared for us.
“Okay, let’s take ten,” Melanie says after a few hours. She calls me over and asks what’s up.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re off. It’s not like you. I can tell you’re distracted.” I swallow. Am I so obvious? “A little. But I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. I’ve done enough shows to know that your trapeze bars and glide to the floor–it’s the same way my heart is full when I step off the tightrope and corkscrew down twenty feet, only to be caught by North.
Being in this show is not to be taken lightly.
She gives a sigh of relief, obviously grateful that I am taking her advice. “Take risks after opening night. Not before.”
After rehearsal, when Vaughn asks if I want to hang out, I tell him yes, but with everyone. Melanie’s words are fresh in my mind and I want to lay down the law before everything gets out of hand.
15
Arrow
When Lark says she wants to hang out with all of us after rehearsal, I’m pleased. After she left the suite
late last night I was terrified we’d fucked things up forever.
Since it’s a perfectly sunny desert day, Lark suggests we get a drink out by the Spades Royale pool, and we’re all game. After all, we were all ready to be outside after hours of being stuck inside our practice space.
