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My throat feels like one big knot.
Oh god, she's right. Juth has been abandoned all his life. Of course he's going to expect that no one wants him. I fight back fresh tears as I remember how excited he was just a few days ago when I'd “defended” him in front of the others. He'd been so awed, so pleased.
And I embarrassed him and let him walk out. He probably thinks I don't care at all.
I bury my head in my hands. "Fuck. How is it I messed this up so badly?"
"Because your heart is involved," Daisy says. "It's hard to think straight when you're in love. Logic goes right out the window." She turns her head, glancing behind her. "Or I should say, right out the entrance to the cave."
She's right. If I want Juth back—and I do, badly—I need to go after him. Didn't I pat myself on the back thinking that I was showing him just how much I loved him and yet when it mattered most, I retreated? He's been given space all his life—he needs someone to crowd him to show that they care.
I jump to my feet, determined. I've only been in the mountains once or twice, because I figured out early on that I'm not much of a huntress. I prefer to stay near camp and help out, so I don't know my way around in the snowy cliffs. It doesn't matter, though. If I have to trudge through them for months on end, looking for him, I absolutely will. I won't give up until I find him again.
"Where are you going?" Daisy asks.
"I've got to go after him," I tell her, pushing my way out of the cave. I step into the pale sunlight on the beach, blinking, and glance around. The sands are still quiet, with no sign of hatching creatures, so I head for the distant campfire. Someone's probably making lunch, and if any of the guys are around, I can grab a couple of spears and maybe some supplies—
—and let out a scream of surprise when O'jek materializes out of nowhere.
I clutch my chest, gasping as he moves forward, and Daisy rushes out of the cave. "What the fuck?" I wheeze as his color settles back down to its normal pale blue. He was camouflaged and standing against the rocks, which is how I didn't notice him there. "Are you spying on me?"
He frowns, turning to Daisy. When she crosses her arms over her chest, he grows flustered, looking uncomfortable. "I was watching over D'see," he says. "She is not careful when she wanders on the beach. I stay close so she does not get hurt."
"Aw, you big sweetie." Daisy beams and moves to O'jek's side, tugging on his arm so he can bend down a bit. He does, and she kisses his cheek. "Such a protector. You're going to make someone a lovely mate someday."
"Someday," he echoes, gazing down at her with pure longing as she beams at me.
Awkward.
O'jek tears his gaze away from Daisy and looks over at me. "You are going after Juth?" When I nod, he straightens. "Good. I will join you."
"You weren't invited." I'm pretty sure they don't like each other, too. O'jek's probably one of the reasons that Juth left, and it makes me a short with him.
"You wish to find him, do you not?" O'jek remains calm, his expression careful. "He will be many days gone from camp at this point, and you are not familiar with the mountains or the trails there. I know both." He taps his nose. "And no one can hunt a trail better than Shadow Cat clan."
He's right that I probably shouldn't go alone, but I'm not sure I want to go with O'jek. What if we're out there for days on end? I look at Daisy, who's beaming up at O'jek, but I don't feel the same warmth for him that she does. "You don't have to. I can get someone else to come with me. I'm sure Rukh or maybe Raahosh will help me if I ask."
O'jek shakes his head. "It should be me."
"Why?" I have to ask.
His expression remains tight. "Because I am the one responsible for him leaving. And because he is my brother."
My jaw drops. “What?”
He nods, clearly uncomfortable. “My mother had another son. He was born…and it was clear he was not Shadow Cat. They outcast him. I have hated him always but…perhaps I am wrong.” He gives me a grim look. “It does not matter. That is the past. I must speak to him and apologize.”
I’m stunned. Utterly stunned. I’ve heard stories of how the clans on the island would reject children that didn’t look how they expected, but it’s hard for me to grasp that this happened to my Juth as a baby. I ache for him, for a lifetime that he should have had with Shadow Cat at his side. They’re not my favorite people, but it’s clear they’re close-knit. A family. Juth has never had anyone except Pak.
