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My Trevor is somewhere in that house thinking I don’t love him the way he loves me.
“Please, guys,” I beg. “All I want to do is talk to Trevor.”
“So talk,” comes the voice I wanted to hear the most.
Rhett and Coop turn around. Trevor stands in the entryway of his house. Sweatpants hang low on his hips. His hair is still wet from a shower, and his expression is unreadable as he stares at me.
“Are you going to come in, or are you just going to stand out there?”
“I’m coming in.”
Stepping over the threshold seems like such a big deal, and when I try to shut the door, Rhett stops me.
“Oh no, we’re coming in too.”
I roll my eyes and when I turn around, Trevor is gone. Rhett and Coop hang back, but I walk around the corner into the living room.
Trevor is sitting on his couch, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands hanging down. He isn’t looking at me, and that can’t be a good thing.
“Can I sit?”
He nods but doesn’t look up, and rather than take the seat next to him, I sit in the recliner.
“You were right, and I was wrong. I am a coward. I was scared—terrified, really—and it was easier to run away from you when I should’ve been running toward you. But I’ve been running my whole life. It’s all I know how to do. I ran away from Heaven only to come back. I ran away far and fast from any man who had an occupation I deemed unsafe. I ran from the counselor my senior year when she tried to get me to open up about my father’s death. I don’t think I ever told you that.”
That catches Trevor’s attention. He glances up, but doesn’t give me much more than that.
“If I could change any moment in time, I’d change that moment because I think if I had sat there and let her pull everything out of me—all of my fears and insecurities—it would’ve prevented a whole lot of heartache down the road. Not just for me, but for you, because I hurt you tonight, and I don’t ever want to hurt you again. I love you, Trevor.”
My tears are falling, and I don’t bother to wipe them away because they just keep coming. “I love you with all of my heart, and I want every moment with you I can get. I don’t want to live in the tomorrow, worrying about what might happen. I want to live today in this moment with you. I want every laugh and fight and tear. I want to get married and have babies. I want to join the ladies auxiliary at the fire department and be there for you when you come home from a long shift. I’m so sorry I did that t
o you—to us—tonight, and if you give me a second chance, I swear I’ll never fail you again.”
“What changed, Claire? A few hours ago you were ready to write me off for good. What changed between then and now? How do I know you won’t get spooked again and run?”
He has every right not to trust my words, and I hate that I did that to us. I only hope I can fix it. “After the fire, Mo dropped me off at Mom’s. We had a long talk, and I realized something while I was there. For years, more than anything else, I’ve remembered the pain my father’s death caused—I’ve allowed the memory of his death to overshadow his life. I think wanting to keep my heart safe and wanting to honor his memory through the way I lived my life were part of that too. But Mom, she looks at things much differently. She’s focused on the time she had with him, all the laughter and tears, and the great memories they made during their years together. I always thought I avoided firefighters and men with certain occupations because I never wanted to feel the pain of losing another loved one. But now I think I stayed away from those men because I was afraid of falling in love. I was afraid of finding the kind of love my parents shared, and I was afraid of what it would do to me if I lost it.”
I search Trevor’s face, trying to gauge his reaction, but he’s giving nothing away. “Falling in love with you wasn’t part of my plan. But I did. I fell hard and fast, and I know now that I want what my parents had. I want the nights cuddled on the couch watching movies. I want family dinners and date nights, and I want to cook with you and laugh with you and cry with you. I want the memories—good and bad. What you said during our fight…it got to me, Trevor. I don’t want to be a coward. I don’t want to waste my life because I’m too afraid to live it. That’s not what being safe means. I want you to help me, just like I’ll help you. We’ll work our way through all of this together. You were right. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m not going to let you walk away. I don’t want the pain of my past to overshadow my future any more than it already has, and I sure as hell don’t want to look back wondering what could’ve been. I want to do this. I want to live. You’re the love of my life, Trevor. You’re my first true love, and I want you to be my last.” My voice cracks on that final word, and I wipe away my tears.
Pressing his lips together, Trevor looks down at his hands. My heart plummets and my stomach rolls. I don’t deserve a second chance, but damn it I was hoping he would give me one.
A moment passes. And then another and another, and then Trevor stands up in front of me. This time when he looks at me, his bright blue eyes are swirling with intensity, and I have no idea what he’s going to do. What I do know is if he doesn’t give me another chance, I may very well shrivel up and die from a broken heart.
He holds out his hand. My heart squeezes. I slip my fingers in his, and he pulls me to my feet.
“Say it again.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Not that. After that.”
“I love you.”
He hauls me against his chest and holds me for several long seconds, and when he pulls back, his eyes are still burning.
“I love you, too, Red, and we will work through all of the shit running through your head.”
My heart swells in my chest.
