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When my sobs finally subsided, I looked up to find Logan still standing in front of me, rooted to his spot. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, like he was physically restraining himself from reaching out to me. I took a step back to put more space between us.
“Don’t do this.” Logan’s voice was rough and uneven. “Don’t give up on us before we’ve even had a chance. We can take time to figure out what the hell is going on between us, but don’t put an end to the possibility of something more by running into the arms of another man just because you’re scared.”
I pressed my lips together at the ludicrousness of his statement. “Isn’t that what I would be doing if I came to you? Adam isn’t just some man. He’s my boyfriend. He’s the wronged party in all of this, not you or me. Once again, we’re willing to hurt other people just to get what we want, but this time I’m not going to take it any further.”
“Madison–”
I put my hand up to stop him. I didn’t think I could take anymore. “Please, Logan. Just leave. Leave before I say things to you that I’ll regret. I think I always knew our friendship was a ticking time bomb that would blow up in my face. It was only a matter of time. Leave before I regret ever having you in my life.”
There was a heavy silence as we faced each other. A dozen emotions crossed Logan’s face, until finally there was nothing left but resignation.
“Call me if you’re ever brave enough to face the truth, although I can’t promise I’ll be available if and when that day ever comes.”
With those last words that cut me to the core, he walked out of my life.
Chapter Ten
I was jarred out of sleep by the ringing of my cell phone. My eyes were puffy and swollen from crying all night, and I could barely make out Emily’s name flashing across the screen of my phone. I was tempted to ignore her. I had missed her numerous calls and texts yesterday while I had been asleep, before Logan had barged in. She had been trying to warn me that she had bumped into him and mentioned Adam’s proposal because she hadn’t been aware that he didn’t know about it. After Logan left my apartment, I had sent her a quick text saying that everything was fine because I was too distraught to talk to anyone. I had also told her I would call her Saturday afternoon. Apparently, she didn’t fully believe me since she was calling me at eight-thirty in the morning.
I reluctantly decided to answer her call, knowing that she would probably be relentless until she got a hold of me.
“Well?” she asked before I even got the chance to say hello. “What happened? You should have seen Logan’s face when I told him about Adam asking you to marry him. He practically ran out of the restaurant before I was even finished with my sentence. Did he storm over to your place and profess his undying love to you?”
“Emily, I’m still half-asleep. I can’t process you talking so fast in the morning.” I tried to sound as normal as possible, but she picked up on the quaver in my voice.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, all her gleeful enthusiasm vanishing. “You sound horrible. Are you hung over again?”
I wished it were something as simple as that. I had been a mess last night. After Logan left, I had crumpled to the floor, unable to control my crying. Hours had passed before I mustered enough energy to drag myself to bed, only to cry even more. I didn’t think I could face anyone today, including Emily.
“I’m just feeling a little under the weather. Can I take a rain check on lunch? I think I’m just going to stay in today and try to sleep it off.”
“Something’s wrong,” she insisted. “I can hear it in your voice.”
“I’m fine,” I said, cursing the unsteadiness of my voice. “I just need to rest before I get full-blown sick.”
“Are you telling me the truth? If you’re not, I’m going to be pissed,” she warned.
“I promise, I’m fine,” I said, trying to control my emotions that were threatening to overwhelm me. Everything was far from fine. My life was in shambles, and the thought of trying to function like a normal human being today seemed impossible. Remembering the look on Logan’s face when I had told him to leave was too much for me to handle, and I began to cry. I struggled to keep silent, but the force of my emotions was too much and my breathing hitched.
“Wait, are you crying?” Emily’s voice sounded alarmed. “You are crying! What’s wrong?”
“I’m just feeling sick,” I lied, upset with myself that I couldn’t control the sobs that were now fully evident. “I just need to sleep.”
“Fine, don’t tell me the truth. You’ll just have to deal with me coming over.”
“Emily, wait!” I panicked, not wanting her to see me like this. She would know something was seriously wrong by taking just one look at me, and I didn’t know if I could face her with the truth. “Maybe I can meet you for lunch after all. Let me see how I feel as the day goes on.”
“Madison, stop lying. I can tell something’s wrong. Really wrong. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
“Don’t you have to work today?” I asked in one last desperate attempt to keep her from coming over.
“I can go in late. See you soon.”
She hung up before I could protest anymore. I put down my phone and wiped my tears away. What would I say to her when she came over? Could I tell her the truth? I had never told her that I had known Logan before Chicago, let alone about what had happened between us that had led to Cassie’s death. I had been too ashamed to tell Emily the truth about myself. That I was far from being a good person.
I forced myself to get out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. My face was a puffy, blotchy mess and I attempted to lessen my swollen appearance by throwing cold water on my face several times, but it was in vain.
By the time Emily arrived and I buzzed her up, I had decided to tell her the whole truth. There was no point in hiding the past anymore. I deserved to be judged for my past misdeeds.
