AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Simon looked surprised at the information I had revealed. I guess he hadn't found out everything about me. "I knew you interned at PNC but I didn't realize that you might be taking a job there after college."
"I'm not sure at this point. It's a big decision to make and I'm still exploring my options."
Mr. Crewe nodded. "Your next step after college is a major one. It's not something to take lightly because it'll impact the rest of your life." He looked meaningfully at Simon. "It's one thing to do what you think you may want. It's another to plan for a future."
"Dad," Simon said in a warning voice. "Not now."
"Why not?" Mr. Crewe said. "It seems like Caitlin has her ambition in the right place. I just hope she rubs off on you."
I felt uncomfortable at the exchange, witness to a conversation that I thought should be private. Simon had a stubborn expression on his face and I had a feeling the conversation was going to take a downhill turn.
"You're right. Caitlin has her ambition in the right place. For her. We've discussed what's right for me and I'm the only one that can decide that. I did three years at Yale for you. Now it's my turn to do what I want."
"What you want isn't necessarily what you need. I know you think music is your future, but just wait five years. When that big record deal doesn't come through, you'll regret not having followed my advice."
Simon's mouth twisted. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad. And I never said I wanted a record deal. What I want is to be able to spend my life doing something I enjoy, instead of sitting behind a desk drafting legal documents."
Mr. Crewe sighed. "I'm not saying I don't think you're talented, Simon. You know I think you are. Unfortunately, talent isn't enough these days. You have to have a backup plan."
"Mr. Crewe," I interjected, not thinking before I spoke. "With all due respect, I think you're wrong. My father spent his whole life pursuing his backup plan. And he spent his whole life miserable."
It was true. In middle school, I had found a stash of paintings in the basement. I had been taken aback by how raw and powerful the paintings had been. In a rare moment of confidence, my father had told me that he had always wanted to be a painter growing up, until he realized that it would never make him rich. And rich was his ultimate goal. So he had put his paintbrushes away and concentrated on being wealthy.
"A backup plan says that you don't have the confidence in yourself to make it. To succeed with what you really want to do with your life. And if you don't believe in yourself, no one will. Simon is an amazing musician. He has the rest of his life to figure out a backup plan if making music doesn't work out. But I believe wholeheartedly that he will succeed. I'll believe in him until he tells me his dreams have changed. And then I'll believe in his next set of dreams."
Simon's father had remained silent while I spoke and I felt myself pale. What had I been thinking, spouting off to him about what his son needed? His son, that I had only known for a few weeks. It was presumptuous and I felt embarrassed by my boldness. I expected Simon's father to make a disdainful remark, but he only gave me that faint smile again.
"Well, I see you have someone in your corner, Simon." His father winked at me, which took me aback. He then turned to Simon. "It's always good to have someone in your corner. Why don't we shelve this conversation for now. It's Kendra's birthday. She'll throw a fit if she finds out we're discussing your career options at her party."
Simon nodded in agreement and Mr. Crewe excused himself, saying he spotted some business acquaintances he needed to greet. I turned to Simon after he left. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face and I wondered if I had overstepped my bounds. Regardless of their disagreement, he was still Simon's father.
"Simon, I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking."
Simon looked down at me, unsmiling. "I don't want to scare you."
"What?" I was confused. That was the last thing I expected him to say. "What are you talking about? Why would you scare me?"
Simon gazed at me, his blue eyes full of an emotion I didn't understand. "I love you."
I froze at his words, horrified and elated at the same time. It was too soon. Too soon for a confession of love. Too soon to open myself up to him. But I instantly felt the desperation to say the words back to him. Felt the compulsion in my soul to tell him I loved him too. Because I did. Stupidly or not, I knew that I loved Simon more than I thought possible. Yet I still needed the answers tomorrow would bring before I could repeat his words.
"Simon. I..."
Simon stopped me, reaching up to brush my lower lip with his thumb. "Don't feel like you have to say it back. That's not why I said it. It's just bursting inside of me and I had to say it or I would explode. I love you, Caitlin. And I'm willing to wait until you're ready to say those words to me too.
"
I wanted to yell that I was ready now. But I bit my tongue. It wasn't fair to him. I first needed to find out if loving me was a risk I was willing for him to take. It was one I was definitely willing to take, no matter what it meant. But I wasn't willing for Simon to take the same risk if it was going to cost him too much. I had to remind myself there was more involved than flowers and love songs. I was intimately acquainted with death and darkness.
I took a deep breath and smiled, looking up at Simon, not knowing that the love was shining back at him in my eyes. "You have no idea what those words mean to me." And it was true. He was the only person besides Sarah who had said those words to me.
Simon smiled and pulled me close, not caring about the people around us. "Why don't you show me with a kiss?" he said mischievously.
"Simon! Not with all these people around!"
"What people?" Simon looked around the room, as if no one else was there.
I laughed and was saved by the announcement of dinner. We walked over to a dining room that was as large as our school's cafeteria. Except it was much more elegant. There were two huge rectangular tables set formally, with amazing centerpieces made of flowers and candles.
