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My aunt nodded slowly. "Yes, but that's not always the case."
"I let her die." My words hung in the air.
"Caitlin-"
"I did nothing and let her die."
Aunt Brenda reached out to touch me but I shook my head. I didn't think I could take any kindness at the moment. It would shatter the thin control I had on my sanity.
"Caitlin, I know this is hard but you can't let this affect you so much. You can't dwell on the losses. Because not everyone is a win. For every vardoger you eliminate, there are three others that succeed in killing and overtaking their person."
"How do you do it? How do you watch people die?"
Aunt Brenda looked at me fiercely. "Because I remember the ones that lived. The ones we saved. That's what keeps me going."
I took a long shuddering breath, forcing myself to push my guilt to the side. I didn't have the luxury in indulging in that emotion right now. "So once you have the vision of their spirit leaving their body, what do you do? Just follow them around the next day?"
"Pretty much. You try to stay close to them."
"How do you know when it's happening? Do you actually see the vardoger killing them?"
Aunt Brenda nodded grimly. "The stronger of a seer you are, the more easily you can see the vardoger. It's also like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. The vardoger will have their person take the steps to kill themselves. They'll guide them to a bridge to jump off of. They'll have them buy a gun and bullets. They'll have them start a fire. Their connection to their person is so strong at that moment that they can influence their actions. And then the vardoger finishes the act and kills their person. As a seer, you can see the vardoger step out of the shadow."
"You said if we pull them into us while we're touching a piece of iridium, they're destroyed. How exactly do we pull them into us?"
Aunt Brenda tapped her head. "It's all in the power of the mind. You basically have to will the vardoger into you when you see it step out of the shadows. Remember, vardogers are at their weakest when their connection with their person is the strongest. The best way to explain it is to imagine them being pulled into your body, and then will it to happen."
I blinked. That was it? You just willed it to happen? "That sounds awfully simple and hard at the same time."
"That's exactly the right way to put it," she said grimly. "It's ludicrously easy in concept but incredibly hard in reality. A lot of seers have to practice for a long time before they're able to succeed."
"So while they're practicing, the people that they're practicing on are dying?"
She nodded.
"Well, that pretty much sucks."
Aunt Brenda gave a hollow laugh. "It does indeed suck. The only way to endure it is to remember that for every person you lose, you get stronger to save the next person."
"What happens when a vardoger tries to kill a seer during a vision? Do you actually die if they succeed?"
Aunt Brenda furrowed her brows. "
What do you mean?"
"In the vision I had of the girl being killed and her spirit leaving her. After the vardoger had taken over her body, she...it tried to kill me. And then gave me a warning."
My aunt sat up straight, focusing on me so intensely I squirmed. "Do you mean to tell me that the vardoger saw you? Talked to you?"
I was scared by her questions. Wasn't this what all seers experienced? "Yes. After the vardoger took over the girl's body, it tried to choke me. But my iridium charm fell against her...its hand, and it seemed to hurt the vardoger so it pulled away."
"So you're actually present in the vision? In a body? It's not like you're just watching from the outside?" Aunt Brenda said this slowly, scaring me even more by her careful enunciation.
"Y-yes. It said that they were evolving. Like iridium wouldn't always protect us from them."
My aunt took a sharp intake of breath at my words. "This is unprecedented. No other seer has been an active participant in their visions. Not that I know of. For seers, it's like watching a horrible scene from a movie. But to actually be present..." She shook her head. "I don't know what to make of it."
The more she talked the more scared I got. It was bad enough that I was a so-called seer. But now I was even set apart from other seers. I was tired of being "special."
