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Shocked was putting it mildly, as to how I felt about my father's confession. I couldn't remember the last time he had spoken to me so honestly, without criticism. I felt a flare of hope ignite inside me. I felt Simon's grip tighten in warning, but I ignored it.
"It's okay, Dad. I understand. And I didn't mean to cause you any pain. I just wanted to find out what happened to Mom. I have a feeling that it'll help me answer some questions."
My father sighed heavily before speaking. "You're right. They never found Eunice's body. The asshole who crashed into her pushed her car over a bridge into the Delaware River. They found her car, but they never found her body, even after days of searching the river. I held out hope for so long that she would somehow miraculously appear, that she was still alive. But it never happened. She was finally pronounced dead."
He was confirming everything I read in the article. I knew I had to push for more information.
"My mother...did she know about the vardogers?"
My father rubbed his face tiredly. "Caitlin, that notion came from the imagination of your aunt. Did she tell you that women in our family are born to be seers? To vanquish vardogers and save the world? It's all horseshit. Brenda is very sick. She was committed for most of her life, but nothing ever got through to her. She just kept living in her imaginary world." He paused before continuing. "She's right, we do have something that runs in our family. Schizophrenia."
I shook my head in denial, not accepting my father's explanation. "No, it's not true. I saw the vardogers! They tried to kill me! I've had visions of them ever since I can remember. I just didn't realize why I was having them until recently."
My father looked at me sadly. "All those times I wished you were a boy? It wasn't because I didn't love you. The mental illness seems to run in the women in our family. I just wanted to spare you the pain."
"No!" I cried out emphatically. I turned to Simon. "Tell him! Tell him you've seen them too! For God's sake, there's one inside of you!"
Simon hesitated before speaking. "Maybe there's a way to explain all of this. It would be a lot easier to accept your father's explanation than the existence of shadows trying to take over the world."
I ripped my hand out of his grip, looking at him as if I didn't recognize him. "You know that's not true." My voice was trembling badly and I tried to steady it. "How the hell can you explain you attacking me? How can you explain Sarah's vardoger trying to enter me? You saw it!"
I was screeching but I didn't care. All I could think of was that everyone was trying to make me believe I was crazy. And I knew it wasn't true.
"Simon attacked you?" my father asked sharply, staring at him.
"He didn't attack me. His vardoger did!"
My father stretched out a pleading hand, as if he were trying to reach me beyond the insanity he thought controlled me. "Caitlin, even your mother knew how sick Brenda was. They were friends since junior high, and even back then Brenda was always talking about the spirits that would visit her in her dreams. To show her the future. Your mother tried to help her, but she was beyond help. I didn't cut ties with my sister after your mother died. Your mother and I cut ties with her after you were born. Your mother didn't want Brenda affecting you with her sickness."
"No, no, no, no, no," I moaned, gripping the sides of my head, shaking it back and forth. "It's not true, it's not true! I know what I saw. I'm not crazy!"
"Caitlin, I know I've been hard on you." My father's voice was quiet and full of anguish. "I blame myself. I was so afraid that you would turn out like my sister that I was cold and critical with you. I was just trying to make sure you didn't start becoming paranoid and imagining things like her. I thought I could ground you in reality."
Simon tried to hold my hand again, but I pushed him away, glaring at him through my tears. "Don't touch me!" I hissed, his betrayal hurting like nothing else could. I didn't know why he was doing this to me, why he was lying about what he had experienced, what he had seen with his own eyes, but I knew I would never forgive him.
"I think that's enough for today," my father said wearily. "It's starting to get dark. Why don't we get something to eat and then we can turn in early. We can talk more about this tomorrow."
I shot up from the couch, looking at my father and Simon with disgust. "Just leave me alone."
I grabbed my aunt's journal and ran up the stairs, storming into my bedroom and slamming the door behind me.
Chapter Ten
A confusing mixture of emotions was roiling inside of me. I felt anger, betrayal and sadness, but also a niggling sense of doubt. Could my father be right? Could I be crazy?
I shook my head at the thought. There was no way I had imagined everything. And I wasn't the only one that had seen it. Simon, Sarah and Grant had been witness to it as well. For some reason, Simon was pretending that he believed my father.
I ripped my cell phone out of my pocket, quickly hitting the speed dial for Sarah. I knew that out of everyone, she was the one person who could calm me down.
"Is everything okay?" she immediately asked, not bothering to waste time with a greeting. As much as I didn't want her to worry, it reassured me that she knew there was cause for concern.
"Not really. My dad is trying to convince me that I'm just crazy. He says that schizophrenia runs in our family. But Simon is going along with it. He looked at me like I was crazy, even with everything he's seen!"
"Why would he do that?" Sarah sounded aghast and it confirmed that I wasn't crazy. Relief rushed through me, because a tiny part of me had begun wondering if I really was just crazy.
"I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with his vardoger. It took control of his body again."
"Oh my God! Did he hurt you?"
