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“We need to destroy the palladium,” he called out, but I just ignored him and continued down the hallway.
Simon was sitting on the bed when I entered my bedroom, looking agitated. I closed the door behind me and sat down next to him. I pushed the doubts that Ryan had tried to cast on Simon from my mind. If there was one thing I could trust in all this craziness, it was my belief in Simon.
“What did he want to talk about?”
“He asked why I lied about not knowing where any palladium was.” I decided to not tell Simon about what Ryan had told me about his family. Not only was it too personal, but Ryan had told me the story to try to make me suspicious of Simon.
“When did you talk to him about palladium?”
“Last night while you were asleep. I woke up from a dream and when I went to take over watching Grant, Ryan stayed for a little bit because he wasn’t tired. He brought up the subject of palladium, and I thought it was better that I didn’t advertise that I had a palladium coin.” I pulled it out of my pocket and fingered it. “I’m still convinced that it can help me somehow.”
Simon frowned at me, ignoring the palladium. “What dream?”
I hadn’t had time to tell Simon about my dream, and as I recounted it to him, I shuddered as if I were reliving it. It had seemed so real, and instead of fading as dreams often do, it was still brilliantly vivid in my mind.
“Did you tell Ryan about the dream?” Simon’s tone was neutral, but I could sense the tension in his body.
“It was fresh on my mind when I saw him last night, and it was about him,” I replied. “I told him about it.”
Simon’s jaw tightened. “I didn’t realize he was becoming such a confidante.”
I sighed in frustration. The last thing I needed was for Simon to get jealous. We had to deal with life and death matters and I didn’t have time for Simon’s possessiveness.
“Can we not argue about this right now? I’m exhausted and just want to go to bed.”
Simon gathered me in his arms, holding me tightly as he buried his head against my neck. I could feel the tension radiating through his body and I raised my hands, rubbing his back soothingly. “Simon? What’s wrong?”
I could feel his warm breath against my neck as he spoke, his voice low and muffled. “I thought I was going to come apart when I heard you scream my name. I moved as fast as I could, but it wasn’t fast enough. When I saw you on the ground… I thought it was all over. I thought I had lost you.”
“But you didn’t,” I said reassuringly. “I’m okay.”
“No thanks to me.” Simon raised his head, his eyes looking dull. “I didn’t protect you. If it hadn’t been for him, I might have lost you.” His eyes narrowed. “Although I’m still not convinced that it wasn’t some part of a setup he masterminded.”
My sympathy for Simon’s feelings wavered. It was like I was being pulled in two directions, and I didn’t relish the feeling. Simon should know my loyalties lay with him. I just needed Ryan to help me defeat my father. That was all I wanted from him. A sliver of doubt ran through my mind as I remembered what it felt like to have his hand around mine, but I quickly squashed the thought. Whatever attraction I had towards Ryan paled in comparison to my feelings for Simon. Still, that didn’t mean I couldn’t be frustrated with him.
“We don’t know that he did anything wrong,” I said as I pulled back so I could see his face. “Yes, he should have told us about the gun, but that doesn’t mean he purposely planned all of this.”
Simon gazed at me, cupping my face in his hands as his thumbs lightly brushed against my cheeks. “Let’s not talk anymore,” he said softly. “We’ve done enough talking for tonight.”
He reached down and gently took the palladium coin from my hand, leaning over momentarily to open the drawer of my nightstand and closing it once he
had tossed it inside. I felt shivers run down my spine when he gently caressed my lips with his as he pulled me closer so that one of his thighs was wedged in between mine. I felt heat course through my body as he deepened the kiss and I opened my mouth, welcoming the velvety wetness of his invading tongue. In that moment, nothing existed except Simon and me, and the thought of doubting him seemed ridiculous.
“I promise I’ll do a better job of protecting you,” he whispered against my mouth. “I failed you tonight. I won’t let it happen again.”
I shook my head slightly, my breathing becoming shallow. “It wasn’t your fault, Simon. There was nothing you could do.”
Instead of reassuring him, my words seemed to frustrate him, and he pressed against my lips harder, as if to blot out my words. A sound of pleasure escaped me when his hands slipped under my shirt and the rough pads of his fingertips caressed my bare flesh. He gripped my sides and pulled me closer so that his knee was pressed against the apex of my jeans, and I couldn’t suppress a moan as need rose up in me.
Despite my desire, I broke the kiss although it was almost painful to do so. As much as I wanted Simon, this wasn’t the right time for us to be intimate for the first time. I also didn’t want to cloud my mind, and Simon had a definite way of making me lose focus.
“Too fast?” he asked, his voice hoarse. I nodded and it seemed to take some effort on his part, but he loosened his grip. He lay down on the bed and pulled me towards him so that he was cradling me from behind, and we stayed in that position for a long time. Sleep evaded me, even though I was exhausted, as I wondered if timing was the only thing preventing me from having sex with Simon. As much as I loved him, I could never forget that he was a vardoger.
Chapter Nine
The lights from above were bright, illuminating the room harshly. I squinted my eyes, the flood of light painful as if I had just stepped out of a dark room. I blinked in confusion when I saw two people standing a few feet apart, holding swords as they faced each other. My gaze took in the white uniforms and masks they were wearing and my confusion receded as I realized they were fencing. I was unfamiliar with the sport, but knew enough to realize what they were doing. The two opponents were taking turns advancing and retreating, trying to get hits on each other.
The sound of the swords swishing in the air was the only thing I heard as I watched silently. I was sitting in the front row of bleachers nearby and I felt a trickle of unease as one of the opponents started to become more aggressive. The strokes of their swords became a little more frantic as the aggressor moved forward, forcing the other to retreat farther and farther back. I heard a sound of protest from the person being pushed off the field of play, but the words were garbled through the mask.
