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I nodded, but I didn’t pull out the coin that I had put back in my pocket. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it. I just thought it was best for less people to know about it.”
“And how many people know about it?”
“Just Simon, Grant and Sarah.” I looked at Ryan pointedly. “And now you.”
“Grant said he didn’t know where it was.”
I shook my head. “Grant and Sarah knew about it, but they didn’t know where I had hidden it. Only Simon and I knew.”
Ryan gazed at me speculatively before speaking again. “Do you think that’s significant?”
“What? That only Simon and I knew where it was?” I frowned when Ryan nodded. “If the point of this talk is to convince me that Simon is untrustworthy, you might as well save your breath. I’m tired and I want to go to bed.”
I made a move to stand but Ryan stopped me with a hand around my arm. I felt a tingle of electricity from his touch and I abruptly pulled my arm out of his grasp, feeling unsettled. I stayed seated so he wouldn’t have another reason to touch me.
“What I really want to talk to you about is the palladium. Where did you find it?”
I sighed and recounted the story of my mother’s death and the scene of her accident. I had a feeling that Ryan could be very persistent when he wanted to be, and it was probably best to just tell him everything. He was silent as I
told him about her car accident at the river and how I had stumbled upon the coin. I couldn’t keep the emotion from my voice as I talked about my mother, and I felt slightly embarrassed that I was revealing so much to a virtual stranger. Yet it felt comfortable, right even, to be talking to him about it.
“I’m sorry about your mother,” he said quietly when I was finished.
“Thanks,” I replied simply. I was surprised he hadn’t immediately delved into the particulars of the palladium, instead taking a moment to be sympathetic. He didn’t speak again and as we sat there in silence, I nervously wondered if that was the end of our conversation. Right before I was about to get up to leave, he started speaking again, his voice low.
“It happened ten years ago. I was seventeen and even though I had grown up knowing the dangers of vardogers, I thought I was invincible. My parents were always constantly telling me that I had amazing powers. I grew up believing that I was special, even among seers.” His mouth twisted in disgust. “I never even realized how it affected my older sister. She was two years older than me and also a seer, but a weak one. She was convinced it was my fault, like I had stolen her powers or something.”
His voice dropped even lower and I had to strain to hear him. “She had been picking on me all day, telling me that I thought I was better than everyone, and I was getting angry and frustrated. I told her that she was just jealous that I was so much stronger than her. That our parents cared about me more than her.” His voice roughened. “That set her off. It was like something in her broke. She started screaming but she sounded like an animal. Inhuman. We were in my room and my parents ran upstairs when they heard her scream but she slammed my bedroom door closed and locked it before they could come inside. That’s when I saw it. Her vardoger stepped out from the shadows.” Ryan’s breathing became shallow and he seemed to have forgotten I was even there. My heart squeezed painfully as I listened to his story. I was scared of what the outcome would be.
“I yelled at her to be careful, that her vardoger was trying to overtake her, but she just laughed. She laughed. She told me that she had called for her vardoger, that she wanted her vardoger to overtake her, because then she’d finally be strong enough to destroy me.” Ryan lifted his eyes to me, pain etched on every line of his face. “No matter the differences we had between us, no matter how many times we fought, I loved my sister. I didn’t realize how much she hated me until that moment.”
“What happened?” I whispered. I took his hand, squeezing tightly as his eyes became unfocused, as if he was living the nightmare again.
“All I could think about was destroying her vardoger. I couldn’t let it overtake her. I was convinced that she was so angry she was out of her mind. She didn’t realize what she was saying. I channeled my powers and destroyed it.” His eyes closed. “That’s when it got even uglier. She was beside herself, enraged that I had destroyed her vardoger.” He opened his eyes and looked at me helplessly. “She actually wanted her vardoger to overtake her so she could destroy me, torture me. If she had just wanted to kill me, she could have done it in my sleep. But she wanted to hurt me in a way that would shatter me, and nothing would be worse than her vardoger destroying me. She was willing to sacrifice her life for it. That’s how much she hated me.”
“I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Ryan shook his head as if he was trying to shake off the vivid memories. “My parents were finally able to break down the door. I told them what happened, and it was as if my sister couldn’t take them thinking less of her.” Anguish was etched into every line of his face. “It happened before I could react. We were all taken by surprise. Even with what had just happened, I couldn’t accept what she did next. I couldn’t believe it even though I saw it with my own eyes. She smashed their heads in with my baseball bat before I even realized it was in her hands. It was then that I realized that maybe I hadn’t destroyed her vardoger. Maybe I hadn’t been successful and it was absorbed back into her somehow. I have no other way to explain how she was able to move so quickly. How she was able to kill them both so quickly.”
I shuddered at his words. My voice was hoarse with emotion when I spoke. “I can’t imagine how horrible that must have been.”
Ryan took in a deep breath and straightened. “You can never trust a vardoger. There are no limits to their evilness. I’m convinced that the vardoger affected my sister’s mind somehow. There’s no way she could have done something like that on her own. I can’t believe that.”
“What happened to her?”
“She was arrested and tried for my parents’ murder. She pled insanity and is serving a life sentence in a facility for the mentally ill back in Seattle. I visit her about once a year, when I can, but she hates it when I do.” His hand around mine tightened. “Her vardoger must still be inside her. She yells horrible things at me whenever I visit. But I know my sister, my real sister, is still in there somewhere. I’m hoping that I can still save her.”
I felt breathless from everything Ryan had revealed. He seemed so strong, so sure of himself, but he had been through a horrible traumatic event. It was a testament to his strength that he was still standing and still living his life with such purpose.
“That’s why you have to be careful around Simon,” he insisted urgently. “You have no idea what he’s capable of.”
I suddenly became keenly aware that we were still holding hands, and I let my hand slide out of his grip. “I understand your reservations about Simon, especially considering what you’ve been through. But he’s different from the other vardogers.”
Ryan shook his head sadly. “That’s where you’re wrong, Caitlin. They’re all the same. They’re all evil.”
I rubbed my forehead tiredly. I couldn’t argue about this tonight. My mind was whirling with everything that had happened, and as sympathetic as I was about what Ryan had been through, I didn’t appreciate him using it as a method to make me distrustful of Simon.
“I’ll be careful, but I’m going to make my own decisions about who to trust.” I stood up determinedly. “We’ll talk more in the morning.”
