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Simon and I didn’t talk a lot on the train ride back. Words didn’t seem sufficient to express what I was feeling at the moment. I couldn’t help glancing at him repeatedly, wondering how it was possible that I could have fallen in love with a vardoger. Yet Simon seemed so human, so full of anger, love and fear, that it was no wonder I had been fooled so easily.
It was early morning when we reached Rochester and we took a cab to my apartment. I knocked on the door and called out that it was me so Sarah would know it was okay to open the door. I had nothing besides the clothes on my back, never mind the key to the apartment. Simon had packed our bags when he had gone home to tell his parents we were leaving early for school and had put them in the trunk of the car we had used to run from my father. It had all been burned or left behind in the car crash, including my aunt’s journal. I didn’t even have my iridium necklace that my father had ripped off my neck. Marie had given me another piece of iridium to wear, and the cool metal felt comforting even though I knew it wasn’t enough to protect me.
Sarah flung open the door before I had even finished knocking and pulled me inside, her face tight with worry.
“You need to tell me everything that’s going on!” she exclaimed. “I’m going crazy imagining all the horrible things that could possibly happen because I don’t know what’s really happening!”
Instead of letting me respond, she pulled me into a fierce hug. I could feel her trembling, and I hugged her back hard. Now that I could see for myself that she was alright, I felt the fear lessen to a manageable level.
I watched Simon and Grant greet each other with hugs as well, and even though I knew Simon cared for Grant, I wondered exactly what he felt towards him. To Grant, they were family. But Simon knew better.
“Let’s sit down,” I finally suggested. The scene was reminiscent of when we had told Grant and Sarah about the existence of vardogers and our ordeal with Claudia, a girl overtaken by her vardoger, but this was so much worse. Simon and I had agreed to tell them the whole truth. Sarah’s life was in danger and I couldn’t risk her not knowing all the facts. Yet, how could I explain that not only was Simon a vardoger, but he had been one since before we had met? How could Grant accept that the cousin he had grown up with was no more? That Simon had killed him? Every time I was reminded that Simon was a murderer, I had to tell myself he was no longer the same person he was before. I refused to think of him as anything besides a human being. It was the only way I could cope.
Simon and I faced them in our usual spot, me on the recliner and him resting on the armrest. Grant and Sarah sat on the couch opposite us, watching us expectantly.
“Please just listen,” I started. “Some of the stuff we’re going to tell you is going to sound crazy. Please just wait until we’re done to ask questions, otherwise we’re never going to be able to get through all this.”
I took a deep breath before continuing. “I already told you about my father being overtaken by his vardoger. I don’t know when it happened. I just know it was a long time ago, and the person I’ve been calling my father hasn’t been my father for a while. I found out when he attacked me at my aunt’s house and held me prisoner.”
Sarah gasped but she didn’t speak as Grant put his arm around her. They both looked a little pale as they watched me, waiting for me to continue.
“My father, or more accurately, his vardoger, is obsessed with finding a way to become immortal. Right now, a vardoger can only overtake their own person, and when that body dies, the vardoger dies along with it. But my father is convinced that there’s a way for vardogers to jump bodies, to overtake anyone they choose. If he’s right, and he figures out a way to accomplish this, he can live forever. He can choose the strongest vardogers to become immortal with him.”
Sarah made a sound of distress, but she continued her silence. Simon rubbed the back of my neck, trying to soothe me, but nothing could lessen the tension I was feeling. I forged ahead with my story, trying not to think about their reaction when I finally told them about Simon.
“The worst part is, there’s a movement of seers joining forces with my father. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re tired and resentful of dedicating their lives to saving human souls, or if they’re simply just power hungry, but apparently they think they have a better shot at surviving this battle if they side with my father.”
Sarah finally spoke up, seemingly unable to keep quiet anymore. “But is it possible?” Her voice sounded incredulous, but also scared. “Can the vardogers succeed in becoming immortal?”
“Caitlin’s father is convinced that she holds the key to unlocking the secret of vardogers being able to jump bodies,” Simon answered for me. “She’s one of the most powerful seers we’ve ever encountered. Her father is convinced that there’s some way to use palladium to give them the ability to become immortal. And he believes that Caitlin, under hypnosis, will be the one who reveals how to use it.”
Grant looked at Simon oddly. “The most powerful seers we’ve ever encountered?” he repeated questioningly. “What do you mean, we?”
There was no way to sugarcoat it, so I answered his question bluntly. I thought it would be better coming from me. “Simon is a vardoger. But he’s working against my father and all the vardogers that want to take over humanity. He’s on our side.”
I expected Grant and Sarah to react immediately, but they just stared at Simon as the tense silence grew. Sarah’s eyes were as wide as saucers, but Grant’s eyes were narrowed as he studied Simon.
“So what you’re telling me is that this… thing killed Simon, the real Simon, but yet he’s on our side? How the hell is that possible?” Grant’s fists were clenched and I could see his growing rage as the meaning of my words started to sink in.
“I overtook Simon his sophomore year at Yale.” His voice was quiet, but the intensity of it cut through like a knife. “I’m sorry.”
Grant was shaking, and before I realized what was happening, he flew up from the couch and attacked Simon. His fists were a blur as he threw punch after punch, but Simon just took it, not fighting back and not even attempting to defend himself. I knew with his superhuman strength he could easily fling Grant away but it was as if he was trying to atone for his sins by not trying to block his punches. But I couldn’t let it continue.
“Stop!” I screamed as I grabbed one of Grant’s arms. He barely noticed me as he reared his arm back to land another punch, but my face got in the way as his elbow hit my cheekbone with a pain
ful slam.
I barely registered the sharp pain before Grant was against the wall, his neck pinned by Simon. Simon’s grip wasn’t tight enough to block Grant’s airflow, but Grant slumped dejectedly as if all the fight had gone out of him. Simon let go of him and stepped back, his face tense but otherwise expressionless.
Sarah had been sitting silently on the couch during the altercation, as if she were made out of stone, but she suddenly ran up and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me away.
“He’s dangerous! We can’t trust him!” she cried out. “He killed Grant’s cousin!”
I resisted her attempts to pull me away. “Everyone, just stop,” I said firmly. “Just stop so we can talk this through.”
Grant raised his head, staring at Simon with glazed eyes. “Tell me how you did it,” he said hoarsely. “How did you kill him?”
Simon didn’t flinch at his words, instead answering the question with no hesitation. “I made him take a bottle of sleeping pills. He fell asleep and never woke up.”
