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Grant made a sound of despair and slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Sarah rushed over to him, putting her arms around him, as she stared up at Simon accusingly.
“You’re a murderer, yet we’re supposed to believe you’re on our side? You’re a vardoger! A shadow! Why would you want to help us?” Sarah spat out the words, venom coating every syllable. She shifted her gaze to me, and my stomach clenched at the look of her undisguised anger. Anger directed towards me. “You believe him? He’s been lying to us this entire time, yet you actually think a shadow is going to help us? You didn’t even know your own father was a vardoger this entire time, and we’re supposed to trust your judgment?”
Sarah’s words battered against me, reinforcing all the doubts I had about my ability to make the right decisions in this mess. Her accusations weren’t anything I hadn’t already said to myself. I just hadn’t expected Sarah to voice them. I was too used to her being on my side unconditionally, but I couldn’t blame her for her reaction.
Simon stepped over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist, and I knew he could feel me trembling. His action seemed to enrage Sarah even more and she made a sound of disgust. We stared at each other, two couples on opposite sides, no longer trusted allies but newly discovered enemies. At least from Sarah and Grant’s perspective.
I didn’t know what to do besides tell the rest of the story, so I continued, explaining what had happened to Simon’s vardoger once he overtook his body, and the transformation he experienced. I understood their looks of betrayal when I revealed why Simon had first come to Maxwell, and I relived the nightmare as I told them about everything that had happened in Connecticut. I couldn’t hide the fear in my voice as I told them about the danger we were all in now.
Simon didn’t contribute to the story, his expression stoic, and I felt a pang of pain for him. Regardless of what he had been, I knew what he was now. He was someone who felt pain, love and fear, and I knew this was hard for him. I had asked him on the train ride whether he had any feelings towards his family, and the anguish in his eyes when he said he cared for them told me that he must be hurting from Grant’s rejection of him.
No one said anything for a while after I was done speaking. Sarah was the first one to break the silence, but she spoke to Grant.
“Are you okay?”
Grant closed his eyes for a few moments and then opened them again. “I’m just trying to process all of this.” He looked up at Simon. “I knew you were different the summer after your sophomore year. I just thought that you had finally figured out what you wanted and were more secure in who you were.” Grant’s mouth twisted. “I didn’t realize that you were actually a different person.”
“He’s not a person,” Sarah hissed. She shot up from the floor and grabbed my hand, pulling me to the corner of the room. She kept her back to the wall so she could keep an eye on Simon and Grant, but her voice was low when she spoke so they couldn’t hear. “Caitlin, have you lost your mind? We can’t trust Simon!”
“Sarah, I’m sorry,” I answered haltingly. “I’m so sorry about all of this. But I know Simon loves me. You probably won’t believe it now but he loves Grant too. He won’t hurt us. He wants to help us.” I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing pulse. “I understand how you feel. I know you must hate me now, but I need Simon. Not just to help me defeat my father, but because I love him. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t help it.”
Sarah grabbed my hands, squeezing tightly, her eyes fierce. “Don’t ever say that! I could never hate you. I’m just so confused and angry and scared. I’m sorry about what I said about you not knowing about your father. I was just frustrated. Now that I know Simon’s a vardoger, I can see how easy it is to be fooled. I never would have guessed in a million years that he was one.” She pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, Caitlin. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
A wave of relief came crashing over me, and I was no longer able to contain my emotions. The weight of the stress and fear from the past few days had been crushing, and I let it loose as I sobbed, crying for what had happened and what was waiting for us. Sarah held me as I cried, and I was vaguely aware of some words being spoken, and then I was transferred to a warm embrace that I knew was Simon’s. I don’t know how long I stood there and cried, but it felt cathartic to let it all out.
I didn’t speak for a while after the last shudder left my body as I tried to gather my strength. I hadn’t been able to control the overflowing of my emotions, but I knew I couldn’t break so easily. I could indulge in crying later, when we were all safe. Right now I had to be stronger than that.
I lifted my head to look up at Simon, and he wiped the wetness from my cheeks tenderly but I could see the pain in his eyes. I looked around the room to find that we were alone.
“Where’re Sarah and Grant?” My voice was husky from all the tears I had shed, but it seemed to fill the silent room.
“They’re in Sarah’s room.” Simon’s lips thinned. “I think Grant needs some time away from me, but I told them that it’s too dangerous to leave the apartment right now. Despite their reservations about me, they heeded my warning.”
“They just have to get used to the idea. They’ll accept you eventually.”
His mouth twisted. “Will they? I don’t expect them to and I don’t blame them. Sarah is right. I’m a murderer. The only thing that’s changed is the side I’m on.”
“Stop. Don’t talk like that. I can’t handle it.”
Simon closed his eyes briefly and then sighed. “I’m sorry. As painful as their rejection of me is, I can handle it. My real fear is that, deep down, you feel the same way.”
His eyes were studying me intently and I decided to be completely honest. “I love you. Nothing is going to change that. But I’m not going to lie. I’m still struggling with all this. It’s not something I can absorb in just a day or two.” I saw a flicker of fear in his eyes, so I reached up to stroke his jaw. “But I promise you, my feelings for you will never change.”
Simon’s eyes darkened and he leaned his head down, slanting his mouth over mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned up, wanting to forget everything for just one moment and lose myself in the sensual warmth of his mouth. His kiss was fierce, as if he was branding me, and I eagerly met his passion, whimpering with pleasure when his tongue invaded my mouth. I met the thrust of his tongue with mine, laving against the velvety wetness as I felt a tide of emotions swelling inside of me.
“Caitlin,” he whispered against my mouth. “I love you so damned much. I’ll do anything for you. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”
I pressed my lips harder against his, not wanting to hear any more words, wanting to blot out reality. It was a while before we finally broke apart, and I was a little chagrined that it was Simon that put a stop to it. It probably wasn’t the best place to make out since Sarah and Grant could come in at any moment. I wasn’t sure how they would react to seeing Simon and I in an embra
ce after everything they had found out.
It was about an hour later when Sarah and Grant finally came out of her bedroom. They were still watching Simon warily, but they seemed more resigned than angry.
“We’ve been talking in circles, and we’re not sure what the best decision is,” Grant started. “But we know a hell of a lot less than you do, so we’re going to go along with whatever you have planned.” His eyes narrowed as he glared at Simon. “But don’t think this means that I trust you. You still killed my cousin. I just don’t have any other options right now.”
“And we trust you, Caitlin,” Sarah piped up. She tried to smile at me but it faltered. “We trust your judgment.”
I appreciated Sarah’s effort to make me feel better, but I had my own questions about my judgment. But I pushed my doubts to the side.
