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My dad’s jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”
Rodger stepped forward and put an arm on my father’s shoulder. “Chad, you gon’ let your boy disrespect our organization, and talk to you like you’re not a man in your own family?”
My father turned to Rodger and glared at him. “Family business, Rodge!”
Rodger immediately threw his hands up and backed away. In that group, my father was the alpha dog, and the rest of them knew when they had crossed the line it was best to give my father the space he needed. Which was why me taking a stand there was so risky, but it was important to me to do it.
“You heard me. You pushed me into this organization, because you believed your sons had to follow in your footsteps of preserving the white race. We should have a voice, too. I’ll use my voice to say that we are all a part of the human race.” I turned to Damon, who was eating up the fact that I was arguing with Dad. “If Damon wants to go along with you and everything wrong that this place stands for, then I can’t stop him.”
“You’re not going anywhere either, Channing. You’ll come back to your senses when we sort this out at home,” Dad said in a voice that bordered psychotic. His jaw tensed and I could see his temples pulsating as his eyes beaded and pierced through my skin.
I pointed to Dad, feeling an overwhelming sensation of relief that I could talk to him the way I always wanted. “If you can’t accept that I’m moving on and away from the New Aryan Nation, then there’s nothing left for us to say to each other. You can just accept me not being your son. I don’t need you father. What I need, just walked out that door.”
The men started grumbling and talking trash about me being a traitor and unworthy of the white skin God gave me, and a lot of other hateful garbage I’d heard them say a million times before. I grabbed hold of the badge on my shirt I’d worn only to be allowed into the meeting. I pulled it off, then tossed it to the floor and walked away from them.
“Get your ass back in here, Channing! I’m not about to let you walk around town embarrassing me with some ni—”
“It’s over!” I yelled and my voice roared throughout the restaurant. I scanned the faces of the room with a glare to let all the men know with just my look that I was willing to lay down my life for the choices I made today. Some of them looked at me in disappointment, and some with hate-filled eyes. At least one or two wore a look as if they were happy to see me get free from the prison of hate from which they’d held themselves for so many years.
I heard Damon telling my father “just let him go, Dad,” when I turned around and walked out on my past. I loved my father, but I knew that love would never be reciprocated after revealing my true feelings. I finally felt free of them and it was the best feeling in the world. Now, I just had to go to Kemara and make her understand that I wasn’t the asshole she thought I was.
Chapter Fifteen
Kemara
I slammed the door behind me and fell against it. I closed my eyes trying to take deep, cleansing breaths. I burned from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I'd never endured that level of humiliation in my life. How could Channing not tell me he was in a hate group? Was I just a joke to him? Some sort of kinky diversion? Was he setting me up for something sinister? He seemed so sincere in his feelings for me, but how could he be if those were the kinds of people he hung out with…the kind of ideals that he entertained? How could I have been dating a fucking Neo-Nazi and not know it?
And to think, I took him to meet my family and everything. Now, I had to show back up there and pretend as if that whole family meeting didn’t happen. What a disaster?
I shut my eyes tighter, refusing to cry anymore. There was no way I would cry again. I had cried since leaving the lodge and driving to my apartment, until I cursed myself for giving him that much power over me. I wouldn’t cry over him. He wouldn't get that. As I stalked back and forth across my living room carpet, talking myself out of ever shedding another tear over Channing, there was a knock on the door.
I jolted off to the door. Did he come after me? Or worse, did some of his clansmen come looking for me because I’d interrupted their meeting? If Channing was at my door, I would mace him and call the police saying he’s an intruder.
But what if he came after me because really does care about me?
No! I cared about Channing enough to feed my own subconscious a stack of lies. Of course, he didn’t come after me because he cared about me. It’s not possible to be a Neo-Nazi and love a black woman.
I prayed Channing wasn’t the one knocking at my door. He had better stayed where he belonged with those bigoted people. My home was no place for him to be at this moment.
I placed one hand on the door and steeled myself. "Who is it?"
"Kemara, it's me. Let me in. We need to talk."
I folded my arms across my chest to keep from reaching for the door knob. "We don't have anything to talk about. From what I recall, your friends explained things quite clearly."
"Please, Kemara, let me in. I don't want to have this discussion from your front porch. People might overhear us."
“Go away, Channing.”
“I’m not leaving until you hear me out, Kemara.” Then, he lowered his voice. “People are passing by. Let me in, so we can talk.”
The thought of all my neighbors finding out what a fool I’d been by entertaining a racist was worse than the idea of having to look into his eyes and tell him no, and that it was over. I unlocked the door and let him in.
He stood in the doorway, just taking up space. His very presence made me want to fall into his orbit. But no, not after today. Whatever we had, or whatever I thought we had, it wasn't real. I detested fake people. "Say what you need to say and be done with it, Channing, because I am so done after today."
He took a step towards me. "I'm so sorry for the way they talked to you. I’m not like them. I was only there to tell them that I wouldn't be coming back."
I took a step back. “You were there to tell them you weren’t coming back?” I yelled to the top of my lungs. It wouldn’t have mattered if we had the conversation through the door or me letting him. I was sure the neighbors heard me screaming. “I fell for you. I mean, I didn’t just fall for you. I was in love with you. I imagined having little mixed children that were the perfect combination of us two. And to think you sit around in a room with people planning to destroy my imaginary babies! I have no more words for you Channing. None. Say what you have to fucking say to clear your chest and get out of here.”
