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And her admission rocked him. The fact that she hadn’t meant those words, I used you. It ripped apart something he’d been clinging on to since he’d seen her again. As if as long as he had that he’d be protected.
She humbled him, this woman who had walked out of a shop and into a world far removed from anything she’d known, and she’d captivated the entire crowd this evening, behaving with an innate graciousness that he hadn’t even known she possessed. She was putting everyone around her to shame.
Including him.
He felt like a fraud. He felt for the first time as if he was taking something beautiful and tarnishing it. He should let her go—but he couldn’t. They were bound by their baby.
He owed her full honesty now.
‘There’s something you need to understand. When I met you I was consumed with nothing more than you. I never set out to use you as a smokescreen. There was no agenda. When we took that trip to Isle de la Paix it was spontaneous in that I planned it once you’d mentioned you didn’t want any press intrusion. But I did see an opportunity, and I did arrange for someone to take that photo, seizing the chance to keep attention diverted.’
Alix sighed heavily.
‘I had no right to exploit you for my own ends. And I’m sorry for that. Ultimately it led them straight to you. But when I pursued you it was because I wanted you—pure and simple.’
His admission made Leila feel vulnerable. If anything it just made things harder to know that he hadn’t ruthlessly used her from the start.
She said, as breezily as she could, ‘Well, it’s in the past, and we’re here now, so I think we just have to keep moving forward.’
Terrified he’d read something in her eyes, or on her face, she stepped around him and walked back into the ballroom.
She spent the rest of the evening avoiding him, in case he saw how close to the surface her emotions were. Emotions that she’d denied she felt right to his face.
She knew they’d agreed to be honest, but there was such a thing as taking honesty too far. And Leila hated how this new accord made her feel as if they’d taken about ten steps forward and twenty back.
She realised that if she was to negotiate a life living with a man who could never—would never—love her, she was going to have to develop some hefty self-protection mechanisms.
* * *
‘She’s a natural, Alix. If you’d seen her... The kids loved her. The nurses and doctors are in awe of her. She’s possibly done more for Isle Saint Croix in one visit to the children’s ward of the hospital than you could have done in six months. No offence.’
Alix grimaced as he recalled his recent meeting with Andres. Of course he hadn’t taken offence at the fact that apparently his fiancée was indeed bound to be as perfect a queen as he’d expected her to be. When he’d believed she was falling for him. The fact that she’d assured him she hadn’t been was like a burr under his skin now.
In the past few days, since the engagement party, Leila had thrown herself into doing as much as she could to learn about her new role. Alix had gone to her rooms at night to find her sleeping, and as much as he’d wanted to slide between the sheets and slide between her legs, something had held him bac
k.
The same thing that had held him back the night of the party, when he’d left Leila at her door. He’d wanted her so badly, but after everything they’d said he had been almost afraid that if he touched her something would spill out of him—something much deeper than a mere climax. Some truth he wasn’t ready to acknowledge yet.
‘Your Majesty? Your fiancée is here to see you.’
Conjured up out of his imagination to taunt him?
He turned around. ‘Show her in, please.’
Leila walked in and Alix felt that all-too-familiar jolt of lust mixed with something else. Something much more complex.
She looked pale.
Alix frowned, immediately concerned. ‘What is it?’ He cursed softly as he came around and held a chair out for her. ‘You’ve been doing too much. I told Andres that you’re busy enough with wedding preparations—’
She put up a hand and didn’t sit down. ‘No, I’m fine. Honestly. I enjoyed the visit to the hospital.’
Alix smiled. ‘You were a big hit.’
She blushed and ducked her head, and Alix felt a pang near his heart. Her ability to blush and show her emotions was one of the things that had made him fall for her...
Alix went utterly still as the words he’d just thought sank in—and dropped like heavy boulders into his gut.
