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Minutes later Julia was still standing looking at the closed door, clutching the rumpled sheet, her mouth half open. And to her utter chagrin she couldn’t drum up anything other than intense excitement at the thought of seeing Kaden again. Even after he’d so arrogantly informed her that it would suit him to have an affair while he was in London, to fill his time. Pathetic.
Last night ran through her brain like a bad movie, and all she could remember was the wanton way she’d succumbed to his caresses over and over again. The way she’d sought him out, her hand wrapping around him, eager to seduce him.
She groaned out loud and finally stumbled towards the bathroom. That was nearly worse. His scent was heavy in the air, steam still evident from his recent shower. She could see that glorious body in her mind’s eye—naked, with water sluicing down over taut, hard muscles and contours.
She tore off the sheet and turned on the shower, relishing the hot pounding spray, but try as she might she couldn’t stop older memories flooding her brain, superseding the more recent and humiliating ones. Pandora’s Box had been well and truly opened. All she could think of now were the awful last weeks and days in Burquat. Even under the hot spray, Julia shivered.
A few weeks before she’d been due to return to England to complete her studies, Julia and Kaden had returned from a trip to the desert where they’d celebrated her birthday. She’d been so in love with him, and she’d believed that he’d loved her too. He’d told her he loved her. So why wouldn’t she have believed him?
But, as clear as if it was yesterday, she could remember watching him walk away from her when they got back to Burquat. For some reason she’d superstitiously wished for him to turn around and smile at her, but he hadn’t. That image of his tall, rangy body walking away from her had proved to be an ominous sign. She’d not seen him again until shortly before she was due to leave Burquat.
That very night it had been announced that the Emir wasn’t well, and so Kaden had in effect become acting ruler. Heartsore for Kaden, because she’d known he was close to his father even though he’d been a somewhat distant figure, she’d made attempts to see him. But she’d been turned back time and time again by stern-looking aides.
It was as if he’d been spirited away. Days had passed, Julia had made preparations to go home and there had still been no sign or word from Kaden. She’d put it down to his father’s frailty and the huge responsibility he faced as the incumbent ruler. She’d never realised until then how different it would have been if he had already been ruler. Much to her shame, she hadn’t been able to stop the feeling of insecurity growing when there was no word, even though she’d known it was selfish.
A few nights before she’d been due to leave, Julia had given in to the urging of some fellow archaeology students and gone out for a drink, telling herself it was futile to waste another evening pining for Kaden. She hadn’t been used to drinking much normally, and all she could remember was standing up at one point and feeling very dizzy. One of her colleagues had taken her outside to get some air. And it was then that he had tried to kiss her.
At first Julia had rejected his advances, but he’d been persistent … and that awful insecurity had risen up. What if Kaden had finished with her without even telling her? What if he wasn’t even going to say goodbye to her? Even stronger had been the rising sense of desperation to think that Kaden might be the only man who would ever make her feel whole, who would ever be able to awaken her sensuality. The thought of being beholden to one man who didn’t want her terrified her. The way she’d come to depend on Kaden, to love him, had raised all her very private fears and vulnerabilities about being adopted … and rejection.
He couldn’t be the only one who would ever make her feel anything again, she’d determined. So she had allowed that man to kiss her—almost in an attempt to prove something to herself.
It had been an effort in futility from the first moment, making instant nausea rise.
And that was when she’d seen Kaden, across the dark street, in long robes and looking half wild, with stubble darkening his jaw. She’d been so shocked she hadn’t been able to move, and then … too late … she’d started to struggle. Kaden had just looked at her with those dark implacable eyes, and then he’d turned and left.
The following day the death of Kaden’s father had been announced.
Only by refusing to move from outside the state offices had Julia eventually been allowed to see Kaden before she left the country a few days later. She’d stepped into a huge, opulent office to see Kaden standing in the middle of the room, legs splayed, dressed in ceremonial robes, gorgeous and formidable. And like an utter stranger.
She’d been incredibly nervous. “Kaden … I …” She’d never found it hard to speak with him, not from the moment they’d first met, but suddenly she struggled to get two words out. “I’m so sorry about your father.”
“Thank you.” His voice was clipped. Curt.
“I … I’ve tried to see you before now, but you’ve been busy.”
His mouth thinned. “From the looks of things you’ve been busy yourself.”
Julia flushed brick red when she remembered her tangled emotions and what they’d led her to do. “What you saw the other night … it was nothing. I’d had a bit too much to drink and—”
Kaden lifted a hand, an expression of distaste etched on his face. “Please, spare me the sordid details. It does not interest me in the slightest how or when or where you made love to that man.”
Julia protested. “We didn’t make love. It was just a stupid kiss … It stopped almost as soon as it had started.”
Kaden’s voice was icy. “Like I said, I’m really not interested. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about? As you said yourself, I’m very busy.”
Julia immediately felt ashamed. Kaden was grieving.
“I just … I wanted to give you my condolences personally and to say … goodbye. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
A layer of shock was making her a little numb. Not so long ago this man had held her in his arms underneath a blanket of stars and said to her fervently, “I love you. I won’t ever love another woman again.”
Nausea surged, and Julia had to put her hands against the shower wall and breathe deep. She hadn’t thought of that awful evening for a long time.
And yet it wouldn’t go away, the memory as stubborn as a dark stain. She could remember feeling compelled to blurt out, “Kaden … why are you behaving like this?”
He’d arched a brow and crossed his arms. “Like what?”
“Like you hardly know me.”
