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She’d had to realise with a heavy heart that perhaps she needed to be rid of it because it symbolised something she’d never really had or would have—Kaden’s love.
Kaden hadn’t avoided her at night since then. They’d made love. And yet his touch was more … reticent. As if he was scared he’d hurt her. It seemed to compound the yawning chasm growing between them, so much worse than before.
How could they have gone three steps forward only to go about a hundred back?
“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting.”
Julia whirled around to see Kaden in the doorway. Even though he’d left their bed only hours before, she blushed. She schooled her reaction and walked to the table. Just as she put out a hand to touch her chair she felt a kick in her womb, forcible enough to make her gasp and touch her bump, which was now big enough to be obvious to everyone.
Instantly Kaden was at her side, holding her arm. “What is it?”
As much in reaction to his touch as the kick, Julia said shakily, “I’m fine … it was just a kick—the first real kick I’ve felt.”
Another one came then, and she couldn’t stop a smile spreading across her face. Feeling the babies move was dissolving any inhibitions. She reached instinctively for Kaden’s hand and brought it to her belly, pressing it down, praying that they would kic
k again. She looked at Kaden, and as always the ever-present awareness seemed to hum between them.
When the seconds stretched and there were no more kicks Julia flushed. She felt exposed. Kaden was too close, looking at her too assessingly. She pulled his hand away,
“They’ve stopped …”
Instantly the connection was broken, and Kaden stalked to the other side of the table and sat down. Staff appeared as if by magic and served them. Their conversation was stilted, centring around a charity fête that Julia was due to attend that afternoon.
When they’d finished eating Julia wiped her mouth, preparing to go.
Kaden said, “You don’t have to go to the fête this afternoon if you don’t want to. Unfortunately I can’t get out of my meeting with the foreign minister. He’s due to fly to the US tomorrow.”
Julia smiled tightly. “It’ll be fine. I need to get used to going to these things on my own sooner or later.”
Kaden leaned forward and took her hand in his. Julia’s eyes widened.
“I know this is hard for you, but already I can see a difference in people’s attitudes. You’re winning them round.” He grimaced then. “I’m sorry that you have to go through this when you’d never have willingly signed up for this life.”
Julia’s face burned. Little did he know that she’d often dreamt of being by his side.
She took back her hand and pushed back her chair. “The car will be waiting.”
Kaden watched her leave the room and cursed himself. He clenched his fist and just stopped himself from bringing it crashing down on the table. He kept thinking about the moment after their wedding, when he’d found her sobbing her heart out. Guilt burned in his gut, compounded now by the way he’d felt when he’d seen that beatific smile lighting up her face. He’d felt jealous that something else could make her happy. Jealous of his own babies!
The moment hadn’t lasted long before she’d withdrawn again to that cool, polite distance which only dissolved when they were in bed.
He didn’t need to be reminded that Julia hadn’t smiled like that once since she’d met him again. As if he didn’t know why. She was stuck in a marriage of convenience with a man who had brutally rejected her when she’d been at her most vulnerable just to protect his own cowardly heart. Julia was humbling him every day with her innate grace and stoic acceptance of a difficult situation. Of a life she didn’t want.
Kaden knew that he had to be fully honest with her. She deserved to know everything. Later, he vowed. When she got home he would tell her. Everything. And whatever her reaction was … he would have to deal with it.
Two hours later Kaden was sitting at his desk listening to his minister for foreign affairs talk, but not taking anything in. He was wondering where Julia was now. Had she reached the fête? Was she feeling awkward? Was she smiling in that slightly fixed way which signified she was shy or uncomfortable? His gut clenched at the thought of anyone being rude or unfriendly to her.
Only last week he’d watched her host another of her coffee mornings, this time outside in the palace grounds. He’d been inordinately proud of the way she’d listened to people, really devoting her time to them. A million miles away from his ex-wife and stepmother who had both been brought up specially schooled to be in this world.
“Sire?”
They’d announced the news of Julia’s pregnancy a few days ago, now that she was showing more obviously, and he was hoping it would have an effect on people’s interaction with her. Surely the prospect of—?
“Sire!”
“Hmm?” Kaden looked at his minister, a little dazed for a moment, and then saw that his secretary was also in the room. He frowned. He hadn’t even noticed her come in. “Yes, Sara?”
He only noticed then that she was deathly pale and trembling. The hair went up on the back of his neck for no reason.
