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The self-enforced sleepless nights on his couch in his study had provoked some much needed introspection. At first Sadiq had tried to block it out with alcohol, but in the end, disgusted with himself, he’d lain there and thought—really thought—about what he would do if Samia wanted to divorce, and why he’d offered it up as an option in the first place.
And then something his mother had said had hit home uncomfortably. Sick of trying to pace away his sexual frustration in his office, one morning he’d sought some air and space and had come across his mother, sitting in a quiet courtyard in the shade. He’d had that immediate reflex to leave, but in a firmer voice than she usually used she’d asked him to join her, so he had.
For the first time in a long time they’d sat in companionable silence, and finally she’d said, ‘This place is changing by the day. Can’t you feel it?’
He’d cast her a glance and she’d gone on, not looking at him. ‘Your Samia?
??she’s a breath of fresh air. Just what we’ve needed for a long time.’
The way the words your Samia had impacted on Sadiq had been nothing short of a block landing on his chest.
And then his mother had said quietly, ‘It is possible, you know, to feel passion for someone and for it not to be a negative thing that has to be controlled. The difference is love. I had that once—before your father. The memory of it was the only thing that kept me sane. As well as you, of course.’
And with those engimatic words she’d got up, pressed a kiss to his head and left him sitting there, reeling. Finally seeing things clearly for the first time in weeks.
The phone rang on Sadiq’s desk now, and he snatched it up, answering curtly, ‘Yes?’ He couldn’t hide his impatience, but went very still as he listened to the voice on the other end.
After a pause he said, distractedly, ‘Yes … thank you … I will.’
He put down the phone. A mixture of emotions was making him feel dizzy, but the paramount one was abject relief. Samia couldn’t leave him now, even if she wanted to. He would deal with the matter of whether she wanted to or not when he found her.
Samia knew she should have been in Sadiq’s study ages ago, but she couldn’t see him while she was still a sniveling, quivering wreck. Ever since she’d discovered the reason for her persistant nausea all week the tears hadn’t seemed to stop.
She groaned out loud as she blew her nose again. She had to get it together so that she could stand before Sadiq’s cool, sardonic presence and not crumble. She’d been so strong all week—numbing herself to the pain, alternating between thinking that she would tell Sadiq she’d stay in the marriage because the prospect of not seeing him was too hard to bear, and vowing to herself that there was no other option but to divorce him and run. Before her heart broke into tiny pieces and could never be put back together.
He’d even stopped sleeping with her, so evidently he was already getting used to single life again. That provoked a fresh bout of weeping, because it was futile thinking of this. It was all beside the point now.
She heard a noise behind her and whirled around to see Sadiq, leaning against the closed library door.
‘How did you know where I was?’
‘I figured you’d be in the one place you feel safest.’
Samia went pink. Why had she told him so much about herself? ‘If you’ve come to accuse me of pretending to be something I’m not again, then—’
He moved forward, frowning. ‘You’re crying.’
‘No, I’m not,’ she lied, looking away.
But Sadiq kept coming until he was right in front of her, tipping her chin up so he could see her face. She gritted her jaw. He was so damned arrogant. But that familiar scent wound around her and she had to stop herself closing her eyes and drinking it in deeply.
Hating his effortless effect on her, when he could be so unmoved, Samia jerked away and wrapped her arms around herself. She was dressed in a long tunic and matching tight pants.
She wasn’t prepared for what Sadiq said next. ‘Are you upset because of the pregnancy?’
Shocked, Samia just looked at him. ‘How do you know?’
‘The doctor thought you had come straight to me to give me the news, so he rang with congratulations.’
‘Oh …’ Samia bit her lip.
He would now know that there was no way she could leave the marriage. Afraid to see the trapped look in his eyes, she stared down at the carpet.
‘I’m not upset because of the pregnancy.’ She looked up again, steeling herself for whatever Sadiq’s reaction would be. ‘When the doctor told me, I was happy. Apparently spotting is common in the early days. My periods have always been light … that’s why I assumed I wasn’t pregnant.’
Sadiq’s voice was firm. ‘But you are. And that changes everything.’
Samia nodded miserably, and saw something flash in Sadiq’s eyes. ‘Are you upset because this means you can’t leave our marriage?’ he asked.
