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27
Richard drove his 4 X 4 to the Circus. I sat beside him, but in some ways I might as well not have been there at all. He never looked at me, let alone spoke. But the tension in his body was enough. He knew I was there.
Cherry and Zane rode in the back seat. It had surprised me when Cherry slid into the car. Her eyes flashed white, eyelids fluttering like a nervous tic. She looked like she was going to faint. Zane was his usual self; smiling, eyes secret. His usual self? That was almost funny. I'd known him less than twenty-four hours. I didn't know what the hell was "usual" for him.
Cherry had sunk down on the seat, hugging herself. She was slowly curling into a little ball. I'd known her less time than I'd known Zane, but this wasn't normal for anybody.
I turned as far as the seat belt would allow and said, "What's wrong, Cherry?"
Her eyes rolled to me, then closed, tight. She shook her head and huddled further into herself. There was a fresh bruise forming on her cheek. She might have had it when I first saw her. I just wasn't sure.
"Zane, what's wrong with her?"
"She's scared," he said. His voice was neutral, but there was something in his face that was angry.
"I told her this was strictly voluntary. She doesn't have to come."
"Tell that to Mr. Macho," he said. He was staring at the back of Richard's head.
I turned in the seat until I was staring at his profile. He wouldn't look at me. "What's going on, Richard?"
"She's coming," he said, voice very quiet.
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
"Bullshit."
He glanced at me then. He tried for it to be a cool look, but it was angry. "You're my lupa, but I am still Ulfric. My word is still law."
"Fuck that. You are not dragging her into this because you're mad at me."
The muscle in his jaw clenched tight enough for me to see it. "They both deserted their people. Now they are both going to make it right." His voice was still quiet, low, and careful, like if he wasn't very careful he'd lose control. He spoke like people talk when they want to yell.
"Look at her, Richard. She'll be worse than useless. She'll just be one more victim we have to keep safe."
He shook his head. "You don't leave one of your own behind, not for any reason. It's the law."
"Pack law, but she's not pack."
"Until you stop being my lupa, Anita, what belongs to you, belongs to me."
"You arrogant prick."
He smiled, but it was just a baring of teeth, more snarl than humor. "Everyone has to do something to take the edge off."
It took me a second to realize what he meant, then I was embarrassed. But I'd be damned if I'd sit there and explain that I hadn't meant it literally. He knew I hadn't meant it literally. He was trying to embarrass me. Fuck it. "Did you hit Cherry?"
He was suddenly very interested in the road, but his hands smoothed on the steering wheel. He didn't like that he'd hit her. Neither did I.
"You wanted me to be strong. Well, you got your wish."
"There is a difference between being strong and being cruel, Richard."
"Really? I never could tell the difference."
I think that last was meant for me. But you can only make me feel guilty for so long, and then I just get mad. "Fine, if what belongs to me belongs to you, then it works the other way too."
He glanced at me, frowning. "What do you mean?"
I liked the unease in his face. I enjoyed turning his logic back on him. In my own way, I was just as angry at him as he was at me. I didn't have his moral high ground, but I hadn't turned cannibal either. Maybe I did have some moral high ground, after all.
"If you can force Cherry to go with us, then I can order the pack to guard Stephen. I can order them to do any damn thing I'm dominant enough to make them do."
"No," he said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I said so."
I laughed then, and even to me it sounded bitchy.
He screamed, a long ragged yell of frustration and anger. "God, Anita, God."
"We're going to cut each other up if we don't work something out," I said.
He glanced at me again. His eyes weren't angry anymore. They were almost panic-stricken. "You're sleeping with the vampire. There's nothing to work out."
"The three of us are bound to each other for what could be a very, very long time, Richard. We're going to have to find a way to live together."
He laughed, and it was bitter. "Live together? You want a house for three with Jean-Claude down in the basement and me chained out in the yard?"
"Not exactly, but you can't keep hating yourself like this."
"It's not me I hate. It's you."
I shook my head. "If that were true, I'd leave you alone. But you hate your beast and your beast is you."
He pulled in front of the Circus. "We're here." He turned off the engine and silence filled the car. "Cherry can wait here."
"Thank you, Richard," I said.
He shook his head. "Don't thank me, Anita." He smoothed his hands over his face into his hair, combing his fingers through it. The gesture showed his arms and chest to wonderful advantage. He'd never been aware of how much the simplest thing he did had moved me. "Don't thank me." He got out of the car.
I told Cherry to stay low. I didn't want them to get any ideas about taking her while we were inside rescuing the others. It would sort of defeat the purpose of the entire trip.
Zane kissed her on the forehead the way you'd calm a child. He told her everything would be all right, that I'd keep them safe. God, I hoped he was right.
