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All the wedding rituals were completed; Deepak and Roshni acknowledged each other a few times but never spoke to each other during the ceremony. It was bidaai time (for the groom to leave with the bride). Both Sashank and Prashant were glad that all the ceremonies went well. They hugged each other, Sashank assuring Prashant that his daughter would be happy with Deepak. Prashant bid his daughter farewell, and the baraat left with Roshni.
~ ~ ~
Roshni was welcomed into the in-laws’ house as a new daughter-in-law with all the rituals. Sashank gifted her with a pair of bracelets (kangan) that had belonged to his mother as a symbol of welcoming the new daughter-in-law into the family. She was introduced to everybody present, and Roshni touched their feet and took their blessings. Akash congratulated Deepak and Roshni, and he assured Roshni that he was like her older brother. Roshni felt comfortable to hear this statement.
All this time, Deepak was watching Roshni…sometimes admiring her beauty, sometimes admiring her values, her composure, her humbleness, her approach to elders and others in the family. He certainly respected her for these qualities.
After all the ceremonies, it was time for Suhaag raat, the maiden night for the union of the groom and the bride, a very important ritual in Hindu marriages. Roshni was escorted to her room by Kaki and Lakshmi aunty. Roshni took an instant liking to Kaki and was very happy to have her around.
Although Roshni was traditional, there were certain customs and traditions she did not agree with, and this was one such example, where she did not see a reason why the ceremony could not be kept simple. She believed this ritual was very private to husband and wife and should not be publicized. Regardless, she accepted it. Fortunately, the bed and the room were simply decorated. All the heavy wedding attire and jewelry was heavy on her, and she was tempted to change into simple clothes, but unsure of Deepak’s likings, she decided to wait for him.
Deepak entered the room and bolted the door from inside. He saw Roshni on the bed in her beautiful attire and walked past the bed to the couch.
Roshni watched him pace looking tense. She herself was very nervous of this ritual, but gathered strength to pull her lehenga together, and she rose from the bed, with her multicolored bangles tinkling as she moved. She came closer to the couch. “Deepak, is everything all right?”
Deepak looked at Roshni and was silent. He was confused and searched through his mind for an appropriate reply. After a few seconds pause, he looked at Roshni. “Roshni, I want to say something to you, but…I am struggling to say it.”
Roshni stared at Deepak. “What is it? Are you all right?”
“Yes, I am… Would it be all right if we postponed this ritual?” he asked her. He paused and continued, “Please excuse me. I feel stressed at the moment.”
Roshni looked into his eyes very sweetly. “I can understand. It’s okay with me.” She smiled. “Honestly, I’m nervous myself, but why are you so tense?”
Deepak appreciated her willingness to cooperate – to postpone the ritual; however, he had to spit out what was on his mind. He struggled for the right choice of words. “Pardon me, Roshni…everything, I mean, our marriage happened so quickly, and…and I was not ready for this. I feel I was forced into this decision,” Deepak blurted out.
A bomb dropped on Roshni. This was a rude awakening to her. With her eyes wide open, she asked, “What?… I mean, what do you mean?”
Deepak looked at Roshni and tried to explain to her, “I was not ready for an arranged marriage.”
“But Sashank bhaiya asked you before the wedding, right? And…and y
ou met me… I am confused. Can you give me some more details,” she asked.
“I always questioned the compatibility in arranged marriages; it concerned me. I…I was not ready to get bonded to a stranger as my life partner.” He continued looking towards her. “I always wanted to find my life partner, get to know that person, and then dedicate an unwavering faith to the relationship.”
“So you wanted a love marriage,” she responded.
“I came here to convince Sashank bhaiya of the same, but everything…” He continued after a pause, “And everything happened so quickly, and personally I–” He stopped abruptly, rubbed his forehead, and was lost in thought.
“Did you discuss this with Sashank bhaiya?” asked Roshni, still in a state of shock and unable to recover from what Deepak had said a few minutes ago.
“He believes strongly in arranged marriages, and I was not able to change his opinions, and–”
Roshni interrupted him. “You could have mentioned this to me. I would have stopped this marriage.” She took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. “Ha, how I wish you had said something to me.”
“Roshni, I meant to say, but…all the decisions had been made. I guess everybody here assumed that this was final,” he said remorsefully.
Roshni emphasized, “No, not me, I wanted to meet you and talk to you before we agreed to this. Do you remember, I asked you a question regarding your expectations for a wife… Why did you not tell me then?” She murmured, closing her eyes, “It is too late now.”
Both of them closed their eyes and took deep breaths, expelling air slowly, no words…just sadness.
It dawned on Deepak that the conversation had had a big impact on Roshni. All he wanted was to discuss this openly with Roshni and ask her for some time to sort things out, and unintentionally, he’d blurted out more than warranted. She was not to be blamed; it was he who could not communicate very clearly either to her or Sashank bhaiya, and he felt terrible. He went through myriad emotions regarding his marriage, his relationship with Roshni, his life, their compatibility and his loyalty to this relationship.
Roshni felt that somebody just pulled the rug from under her feet. She was shocked, angry, and frustrated. All her dreams shattered in a moment. It felt the earth was opening and engulfing her. She trembled and lost control. She stood at the edge of the table and quickly grabbed it for some support.
This was a big blow to her self-respect; she felt rejected. She experienced myriad emotions: disappointment, anger, hatred towards Deepak for not telling her, hatred towards Sashank bhaiya for not being honest, and toward her babuji for not finding out more details about Deepak’s views on marriage. She was unable to control her tears. The more she thought about it, she became fearful… What if this guy was already married? What if he had a family in the US? Maybe he tried to explain to Sashank bhaiya, but bhaiya never listened to him? She thought, Oh, Devi Maiya! What just happened?
After a few seconds, she gathered some courage. “Deepak, would you mind if I asked you one more clarifying question?”
