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Deepak gazed into her eyes. “When I came to India in December, I felt pressured because your babuji and bhaiya had already…I mean, had our marriage fixed. Bhaiya would not listen to me, and I did not want to make him unhappy. I was very tense through our wedding. My fears, worries, past thoughts and history – all played havoc on me. I was hoping to talk to somebody who could understand me and my feelings, and unfortunately, I blurted out everything to you, not realizing that it caused suffering to you.”
He had teary eyes as he shared these thoughts.
No wonder you were so uptight that day. I could sense that tension! Roshni thought.
“It did not occur to me until you said that you don’t trust me or respect me and that I deceived you – I was appalled, and it was at that time I realized the harm I had done to you. My heart cried. I had so much pain, b-b-but the damage was done.” He wiped his tears.
Roshni understood the pain and the internal struggle he went through at the time of their wedding, and she believed he was genuine.
“Roshni…please forgive me. Unknowingly I caused distress to you. I did not mean to; believe me. I am not a rude person, and I am not a cheater either. I struggled to convey my feelings to you. I…I…” He stopped and paused.
After a few minutes, he continued, “The conversation we had in Jammu was a big eye opener for me. You were so composed and handled everything so maturely, I started respecting you. I was so impressed that in spite of all that happened, you were determined to fulfill the promise you gave your babuji. I am sure he is so happy now, and…I started noticing the influence you had on Sashank bhaiya, Akash bhaiya and others around you. You certainly have a great talent in you: your unconditional love, your simplicity and genuineness, your calm approach to problem solving, your patience…everything. I mean everything about you is so remarkable! I apologize for battering you and insulting you. I cannot forgive myself for that.”
He came to her and said, “Roshni, I can understand you being angry with me. To a certain extent, I am responsible for your babuji’s death as well, but you made me realize a lot of things…especially my opinions regarding marriage and life partners – all changed. Thank you, I am so happy to see Sashank bhaiya married, and now you are embarking on getting Akash bhaiya married, so impressive. I do not know if I can ever repay you for this kindness other than asking for forgiveness and…and…”
Roshni waited very curiously.
He held her hands. “Over these last few months I’ve thought a lot about our relationship and all that you did. I…I cannot forgive myself until you forgive me,” he said. “Roshni, please forgive me, will you?”
He wanted to convey his feelings to her, but she was not ready for this.
Roshni pulled her hand away. “Deepak, what is done is done. Let’s not brood over it. You have your life to move on with, and I have mine. We made a decision regarding our relationship, and I don’t regret it at all. I have a mission until December 14th, a few more months, and I will try to fulfill my promise. If I can’t, that is fine. At least I have accomplished a major goal of making Sashank bhaiya and Akash bhaiya happy.”
Roshni believed he was real when he shared his feelings towards her. She thanked him for opening up his past that bothered him, but she was not ready to forgive him yet! She was beginning to accredit him and honor his feelings, but she was inhibited. She could not let go of what he had done to her.
For Deepak, Roshni was too precious to let go. He wanted to continue this relationship with her. He made every effort to patch things up with her and bring her back in his life; however, Roshni was determined to leave him.
She looked at the clock, and it was past midnight. “It’s very late. Let’s sleep. If necessary, we can discuss this more tomorrow,” she suggested.
“Roshni, can I suggest something? We are both adults; why don’t we sleep on the same bed, maintaining this distance. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
Roshni glanced at the bed and back at him. He pleaded, and she trusted that he wasn’t faking. She agreed, and both slept on the bed, maintaining their distance.
This was a remarkable trip indeed. Unawares, they opened up to each other, and certainly, both felt relieved after this.
Roshni fell asleep very soon, and Deepak admired her. Her beauty, her peaceful smile – he could not resist appreciating her qualities. Everything about her was beautiful. How could he not see all this before?
~ ~ ~
The next morning, Roshni woke up and turned on her side. Deepak was asleep. The previous night came back to her, and she believed he was sincere when he apologized to her. She felt relieved. Deepak apologized to her, and she opened up to him regarding Babuji and was glad Deepak provided the support. However, she struggled with a dilemma, an unknown fear: should she forgive him? She was not ready to forgive him yet!
With these thoughts, she looked at the clock – 8 a.m. She got up without disturbing Deepak and got ready.
She went to the reception area and brought two cups of chai to the room. Deepak opened his eyes and watched her from the corner of his eye, still lying down. She was not aware he was awake.
Sh
e settled herself on the chair and read the newspaper, occasionally sipping chai. The chai did not taste as good as she had expected, but she tolerated it. Deepak was enchanted by her simplicity; he just lay there and watched her. The desire to have her back in his life became stronger.
He got up, and after the morning chores, joined her for chai while they discussed the plan for that day. They agreed to leave after breakfast and get the shopping done before they went home. Roshni agreed to go out to a dinner date with Deepak that evening. Her every word was like nectar for him, so pleasing and so satisfying! He did not want to miss any opportunity.
At breakfast, Roshni initiated the conversation. “Deepak, I wanted to tell you something.”
“What?” He waited eagerly.
“As you have seen, Sashank bhaiya, Akash bhaiya and Kusum didi have become very attached to me, and me too. I had only Babuji with me always, and now that I am living here with everybody, it feels very nice, a nice family feeling.”
Deepak nodded and agreed with her.
