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I don’t know how long we sit there, but when I finally look up into his affectionate gaze, my heart stutters. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t even breathe, and that’s when I realize how close we really are.
“I-I’m sorry.” My voice is croaky when I speak, but he doesn’t laugh. He merely lifts his hands, cups my cheeks, and swipes the tears from my face.
“There isn’t any reason to apologize,” Cassian tells me, his voice even, calm. My solace. “What happened?”
I open my mouth to speak, but the moment I want to say something, my throat closes, and I choke up once more.
“You don’t have to tell me,” he says softly, placing a kiss on my forehead before he looks me in the eye. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here. I’ll always come for you.”
“M-my grandmother,” I mumble the words, but I don’t need to finish my sentence. He knows me. He finishes my sentences most times, and this is one of those moments I’m thankful for our connection.
“I’m so sorry, my little star,” he coos, and I watch as his long, dark lashes flutter against his cheeks. Cassian kisses my cheek before he pulls me closer. He hugs me to him. He holds me through another bout of my sobs, and even though I’m wracked with heartache, it’s Cassian who keeps me afloat.
It’s in this moment, right here, in the dark, that I realize I’m in love with my best friend. A boy who’s three years my senior. A boy who makes my heart tumble wildly. And a boy I know I’ll love forever.
It’s been a few days since the secret meeting with Cassian in the cemetery, and I’ve been avoiding going anywhere near Thorne Manor, or town. I’m still anxious about being back in this beautifully gothic town that gave me a second chance when I needed it most. Even though I should be less stressed since Cassian and I have had it out, mostly, I feel ill at ease.
The familiar thump in my brain confirms last night was either a late one or one of the evenings that Paulo felt I needed something more to get me to bed. It happens more often now than it did when we met.
Even though he’s put on a smile, offered his help, there’s something deeply evil about the man who sleeps beside me. And even though I have no way of getting out now, I know I’m in danger.
My family comes first. Dad’s health is my main priority, so if Paulo says he’ll happily help us, I believe him. I trust he’ll ensure my father’s medical trials go as planned. Even though I haven’t ever asked where the money comes from, I gratefully accept it because I know Dad needs it.
Pushing from the bed, I stand on shaky legs, and my head spins for a moment before I focus on the sun streaming through the window. I lift my hands and find them trembling, as usual, before I’ve had my coffee.
At times it feels like I need a high to get through the day. It’s my own fault. This is what I’ve done to myself since I fell down the rabbit hole when I was sixteen, and I’ve never escaped. The feeling of flying, of freedom, of not feeling the pain has always been far too alluring.
So, I did it.
I allowed myself to jump headfirst into the abyss, and I haven’t pulled myself out of it. Cassian tried, so many times, but I didn’t allow him to fully save me. Instead, I gave him a false sense of security. I made him feel like a hero when he was nothing more than a life raft. As soon as I let go of him, I fell under again.
Taking in the brightness of the room, I can’t help but groan. I’m almost certain I closed the curtains last night, but perhaps I didn’t. Spending all my time in the house probably isn’t the best thing to do, but I know if I were to head into town, I’d probably run into a Thorne or one of the Haven brothers. Even though I love Thorne Haven, I’ve always felt as if I’m an outsider. The only person who welcomed me was him.
I make my way to the bathroom and freshen up before I pad barefoot down to the kitchen. I find Paulo at his laptop when I step through the door.
“I figured you’d sleep all day,” he remarks when I head to the coffee machine and flick it on as I settle a mug underneath. Instead of answering, I focus on getting my caffeine.
Last night was one of those nights, where he was angry because he’s stuck here, when he wants to be in LA. Even though I didn’t need him here, he insisted on coming, but in the end, it’s my fault. Like everything else is.
