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“I’ll… I mean, I don’t—”
“Please, Cass,” she pleads, her hands gripping my arms as she slides from the counter and drops to the floor in front of me. She’s a head shorter than I am, so she has to tip her head back to look up at me.
“Okay,” I finally appease her with a response, and she nods. Without another word, Kalyn strips down to her underwear, which is a barely-there scrap of panties that doesn’t cover her ass but hides what I truly want to see. Her bra matches the color of her panties, and she slowly unhooks it, and I have to turn my gaze away, or I know I’ll lose all control.
“Do you not like my body?” she asks, shocking me speechless, but I still don’t turn to look at her because I’m almost certain she’s naked. And if she is, I won’t be able to restrain myself from touching her tonight.
“Of course, I do,” I tell her honestly. “I just… I can’t do this with you right now.” The honest grit to my voice has her sighing before I hear the door sliding closed, and when I finally turn my head, I see she’s behind the frosted glass. But even so, it doesn’t hide the curves that tempt me from the other side.
Sighing quietly, I pull myself onto the counter and settle in. I’m not sure how long she’ll be in there, but I’ll wait all night if I have to. I’m going to make sure that this woman is healed. Somehow, I’m going to ensure that what I failed to do when we were younger, I can accomplish now that I’m older and wiser.
The only thing that remains to be settled is her fiancé.
Tomorrow, shit is going to hit the fan, and when it does, I’m going to get blood on my hands. Paulo Morales’s blood will coat my palms, and it will be satisfying to smell that metallic scent when I get vengeance for Kalyn.
21
Kalyn
The warm spray of the shower calms my shaking, and for a long moment, I close my eyes and focus on just how good it feels to be warm. Cassian’s arms holding me earlier was enough to have the shaking subside, but now with the hot shower beating down on my back, I’m feeling human again.
The need for something, a pill, a line of white powder still has its hold on me. I want nothing more than to fall into oblivion, but it won’t happen while I’m here. I know Cassian and Finn are trying to help me, and I want to stop my addiction, but it’s hard.
My body aches everywhere; even though I’m warmer now, ice still trickles through me, reminding me that I’m a slave to the high. Tears burn my eyes when I think about it like that because I never wanted to be like this.
All I wanted was to forget my pain. But the older I got, the more agony took hold and the more I needed to inhale, to smoke, to drink just to clear my mind of the memories of all I’ve lost.
Shaking my head to clear my darkened thoughts, I focus on what’s here and now. Glancing over my shoulder, I look at Cassian, whose head is turned away, his eyes on the counter instead of the shower. A small smile graces my expression as I grab the bottle of gel and fill my palm with some of the fragranced liquid. The gentle scent reminds me of Cassian—leather, cedar, and wood.
It’s the smell of a warm, welcoming home. A place of safety. It calms me as I rub my body down and inhale deeply with my eyes closed as I focus on the warmth that’s cocooning me, just like Cassian’s arms did earlier on the bed.
When I open my eyes again, I find him watching me, which has my stomach tumbling with nervous energy. Never in my life did I think I’d be naked in the same room with Cassian Thorne. As friends, we’ve been in situations where we’ve been close, but he’s never seen me in my underwear until moments ago. Never has he seen me like this, completely bared to him. And that’s how I want him to see me, not like the girl he used to save from stupid decisions.
I want him to see me as a woman.
I should feel guilty for being engaged, but I don’t.
Instead of that emotion eating away at me, excitement for what is slowly happening between Cass and me takes hold. I’ve loved him for most of my life, but we’ve never been ready for each other. Our time has never been right, but now, it has to be.
But I’m still wounded, deep inside. I need help, and for the first time in my life, I truly do want to heal. If I stand any chance with Cassian, I need to make sure I’m stronger than I’ve been in the past.
