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With Cassian’s family paying for my dad’s treatment, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel that I’ve been stuck in for so long. I have a chance to finally find peace, and I hope I can do it with Cassian by my side. If he still wants me.
I turn the taps off and open the door to find Cassian holding a towel out, his gaze averted. As I grab the fluffy material from his fingers, I want nothing more than for him to look at me. To see me all grown-up. But he doesn’t give into temptation just yet.
“Thank you,” I say as I wrap myself in the warmth of the towel. When he glances my way, it’s cautious, and I know he’s struggling with this new situation we find ourselves in. From hating me, to wanting me to pay, to desire burning in his eyes, it’s been a whirlwind of emotion these past few hours.
“I have some sweats and a shirt for you to wear. I’ll get Joy to do a load of laundry in the morning. Your clothes will be dry before midday.” He speaks as if he’s unaffected by me, but the way those teal orbs drink me in, I know he’s as turned on by this scene as I am.
“Thank you,” I repeat my earlier sentiment because I can’t find the words for how I’m feeling or what’s going through my mind. I so want to sit with Cassian and talk, but fear has stolen my words. As much as I’d love for him to kiss me right now, to pull me into his arms, I know it’s not the right time.
Although, it feels as if we’ve never had the right time to be what I believe we were meant to be. Since I was sixteen, I was under the impression that Cassian and I were destined. As a teen, I believed in fate; stupidly, I believed in happy ever afters. But then I realized they were only in fairy tales.
“Get dressed; I’ll wait here,” Cassian murmurs as he gestures to the bedroom where the clothes wait for me. I step by him, and I hear the inhale he takes. A deep breath of me as I pass him, which makes me smile.
By the time I reach the bed, I find a small tub of body lotion that I quickly rub on and pull the sweats up my legs. I’m shrugging on the tee when I feel his heat at my back.
“I want so much to take you right here, right now and claim you, to make you scream my name.” His voice is a barely-there whisper. This time, it’s the words he utters that make my body tremble, not the need for a high, but from the desire that’s coursed through my veins for Cassian Thorne for most of my adult life. Well, since I was sixteen.
Age is only a number.
Isn’t it?
“Then why don’t you?” I taunt, wondering if he’ll give into the tension that’s swirling in the room, surrounding us like a fog. I want to get lost in the shadows with him, to finally experience just what he can do.
“Because when I do, there’s no longer going to be any doubt who you belong to,” Cassian admits, the seriousness of his tone taking over. His hands trail over my shoulders and down my arms. And then, his fingers are digging into my waist, gripping me harshly, and I welcome the pain that singes any thought of drugs, filling my mind with images of him.
“I never had any doubt about that, Cassian,” I tell him easily because it’s the truth. As stupid as that may seem, I always felt that he would be my first; when that didn’t happen, I realized he never was meant to be my first. But now that I’m here, if I can heal myself, he can be my last.
“Then why did you lie?” he whispers in my ear, his lips trailing down the shell, causing goose bumps to erupt all over my body. “Why did you tell them I would force that shit on you?”
“I-I…” I’m not sure why. I can’t even tell him the reason behind my stupidity that night because I, myself, don’t know. “That night was a mistake, a big one. I was so angry at them making me leave, I lost control. After you dropped me at home, the pill I swallowed before the party hold of me and hit me hard. I was drunk, high, and yes, irresponsible. Even when I tried to make it right, to tell them it wasn’t you, that I lied, they didn’t listen. My father found out—”
“And he was disappointed in his little princess?” Cassian taunts, and I shut my eyes tightly to keep the tears of shame at bay. He’s right. There’s no doubt I’ve always wanted my father’s approval. I spent years wanting to see the look of pride on his face when he regarded me.
