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His confession hangs between us, my brows furrow in confusion. “What?” The word is a raspy whisper, but Cassian hears me. He’s always heard me, even when I couldn’t hear myself.
“A long time ago,” he says, but when he doesn’t continue, I reach for his face. The day-old stubble on his jaw makes my fingers tingle, and I trail them over his skin just to feel connected to him. “When we first met at the lake,” he tells me before dropping his gaze to the floor.
“The night we met,” I recall easily. It’s a moment I’ll never forget. No matter what we go through, no matter how much I’ve inhaled, swallowed, or smoked, I’ve never allowed myself to forget the moment my world changed. The moment Cassian sauntered into it.
And when he did, he was my salvation.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Are you going to tell me?” I ask, still trailing my fingers over his angular jaw. The teal eyes I’ve come to find solace in find mine once more; the pain I find in those orbs steals my thoughts and claims my breath. “Cass?”
“I went to the lake to say goodbye. It was my way of letting go of life, happiness, and love. I didn’t want to be like my brothers, or my father. I spent my life in control, and the ice that ran through my veins had taken hold of me. They all seemed so far removed from me at the time; I was alone. At least, I felt alone.”
“But that makes no sense. They’ve always loved you. Your life has been—”
“I lost my mother when I was young. Finn doesn’t really remember her, but I do. I did. With each year that passes, images of her in my mind fade. And at the time, I wanted to go with her, be with her. I’m close to Dad, but he and I aren’t as close as my mother and I were.”
I’ve never heard Cassian sound so heartbroken before. We’ve known each other for so long, and yet, this is the first time he’s ever truly opened his heart to me. The realization of that makes my chest fill with more love than I’ve ever experienced for a man.
I’ve always loved Cassian. I know that for a fact. But right now, seeing him torn, seeing his brokenness changes things. He’s always kept his control, especially around me. But now, he’s letting me in, and the thought of why that is tangles in my thoughts, and when he looks at me again, I can’t stop the tears from falling from my eyes.
“You took it hard,” I say, as I watch the expression on his face turn from melancholy to agony in a second. Just like mine always did when I recalled memories of my grandmother. We were so close. I could tell her anything. And then, suddenly, she was gone.
“I did. I hated everything. The memories. Photos, ornaments, even paintings she bought, everything in the house would remind me she was no longer there. And then, my father said he met someone. Anger had taken hold of me, and I went to the lake.” He falls silent for a short while before his confession steals my breath. “And then you were there,” he says as the corners of his mouth tug slightly, and I want nothing more than for him to smile. But I can’t expect that after what he’s just confessed.
“But what did I do?” My query is a whisper, one that feathers over his lips, those perfectly formed lips that have stolen my soul with a single kiss.
He stares at me for such a long time, I’m not sure he’s going to answer. But then he says, “You saved my life. You gave me a reason to live.”
My heart catapults into my throat, choking me of breath, of life because everything turns blurry, and the need that had been coursing through my veins is gone for that long moment as his confession sinks into my mind.
Cassian cups my wet cheek, his thumb swiping gently over the tears that have been tracking their salty trail over my face since he walked in. He doesn’t say anything more, but he doesn’t need to.
No one has ever said something like that to me.
I’ve never given someone a reason to do anything but be angry with me, to hurt me. The thought of me saving Cassian’s life does something strange to me. My focus turns solely to him, and I realize my addiction, no matter how strong, wavers when it comes to him.
Cassian lifts me, carrying me in his arms as he makes his way to the sound system and he flicks the switch. We’re surrounded by the gentle sounds of Conor Maynard singing “You Broke Me First,” and I wonder which one of us broke the other.
