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Lucas grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles. “Do what you want. Even if you have no one else in your corner, you’ll always have me.”
And that means the world to me.
We have dinner together and then Lucas
takes me to my parents.
He wants to stick around but I know I need to face them myself. So, I convince him to leave after kissing him several times at the front door to placate him.
“I’m only a phone call away if you need me,” Lucas vows. “I’ll turn the car around.”
“Don’t text and drive!” I call after him, exasperated. I turn around and my hand is halfway to the doorknob when the door flings open and I’m staring at my wild-eyed father.
“You’re back!” he says, hoarsely.
I shuffle my feet. “Where else was I going to go?”
“Yes, I…”
For the first time in my life, I see my father look awkward as if he doesn’t quite know what to say to me.
“Sophie is inside.” He steps back.
I walk in.
“Where did you go?” His question is hesitant.
“Lucas’ house. I needed some time to think.”
This tension between us is unbearable. I feel like the dynamics have shifted and I don’t know what to do about it.
Maybe I should deal with one parent at a time.
“Father—?”
“Elise—?”
We say this at the same time, then stare at each other, suddenly even more uncomfortable.
Finally, he says, “I can’t apologize for what’s done, Elise. I can’t go back and fix it. But your mother and I, we want to do right by you.” There is guilt on his face but it’s overshadowed by regret and grief, both of which are very prominent.
I try to sort through my conflicted feelings.
My father takes my silence as rejection and he continues on, almost desperately, “We had no idea, Elise, not the slightest idea of what you were going through. You were always so calm and happy that I thought you were doing all right for yourself.”
This stirs something inside me. “That’s because you taught me that looking to anyone for help showed weakness and you always told me never to be weak.” There’s no anger in my tone, no resentment, just a dull acceptance. “You and mother have always been so distant, forcing me to be independent at an age when I still needed you.”
When my father opens his mouth, I don’t let him speak, adding, “I can understand the reasoning. You two went through very trying times. But then at the same time, you made me go through all of it. Life hasn’t been easy for me, Father. But it has made me tough.”
My father looks lost, and so old. “I never wanted that for you, Elise. You must believe that. I just wanted you to be independent but never to the extent where you would suffer.” His eyes shimmer with unshed tears as he continues, “Ever since you left today, all I can think about is the times when I went to bed with a full stomach, you were out there starving.” His voice shakes.
My heart clenches.
I can’t do this. I can’t watch the strongest man I know break down like this.
“I shouldn’t have said anything.” I sigh, regretfully.
“No!” he says, fiercely. “I’m glad you told us! Even if we can’t do anything about the past, we will make it up to you, Elise. You won’t lack for anything from now on.”
