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I went back to the bus to wait for him. It didn’t skip my notice that he’d changed the code to the date we met. Some women would say that was sweet, but to me it was downright romantic.
The days went by like that. It was a continuous loop of concerts and sex until we reached the east coast.
Each day I showed up with breakfast for everyone. Jess had started to answer the bus clothed, which was a shock. They’d done their best to keep the tour bus clean, and I’d done my best to tidy it when I could but most of my time was spent getting to know Abel. As we neared the anniversary of Deb’s death, I noticed a change in him. He was still loving, but he seemed tense and tight. Whereas during the day we normally cuddled in the bus and listened to music or made love, the last few days he’d pulled away.
I checked the bus constantly for alcohol, which seemed silly because he’d never had a single drink since I’d been with him. I was the one sneaking a glass of wine during the concerts and brushing my teeth so he didn’t taste it on me when he kissed me.
Two nights before the anniversary of her death, Abel made love to me with fierce passion and he begged me to never leave him. That was the day I knew I’d fallen in love with him. He was a broken man, and I was the glue that fixed him. I promised him that I’d be with him for as long as he wanted.
I meant it until my father called and told me he was in trouble. Somehow he’d been able to finagle a bookie into a loan. Of course, he’d lost, and now he was afraid they’d come and break his other arm.
When Abel walked into the bus that day he heard me tell my father I’d be on the next plane home and we’d figure everything out.
Abel dropped the vase of flowers he was carrying. They crashed to the tile floor, sending red roses, water, and shards of glass everywhere.
He looked at me as if I’d just ripped his heart out of his chest. “You’re leaving me?”
I stood up but was halted in my progress to him. Barefooted I couldn’t cross the river of water, broken glass and thorny flowers.
“Let me explain,” I begged.
He shook his head. “No need. I’ll be fine.” He turned and walked away, and with him went my heart.
I pulled on socks and shoes and searched for him but we were in Atlanta and the crowds swallowed us up. I went to the crew bus but he wasn’t there. I texted and called and got no answer.
After I cleaned up the mess I went back to our bedroom. Our bedroom. I fell into bed and pulled the pillow that smelled like him to my chest. I was being pulled apart by two men that I loved. My father, who should be able to take care of himself, and Abel, who I wanted to take care of. Both needed me. Loyalty tugged at my head, but love tugged at my heart.
I texted my father first.
Can’t save you from yourself. I love you Dad, but it’s time to face your demons. I’ve wired you what money I have. If you gamble it away, you’ll be gambling me away too. Pay them what you can and lay low until I get home.
Love,
Gia
Next I texted Abel.
Come home so we can talk. I need to tell you something.
Yours to love,
Gia
It was a weird way to sign a message, but I was his. He’d claimed me that first day and I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wasn’t going to leave him.
My heart broke when Abel didn’t reply. I’d failed him and failed my job. I was supposed to keep things together for him during this hard time. After one night of lovemaking, he told me the reason he mourned Deb so much was not because he loved her romantically. That had ended as soon as it began. It was because he felt he’d failed her. He hadn’t seen the signs. He hadn’t listened to her silent pleas for help.
I tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault. People made bad decisions all the time. Here I was giving advice that I didn’t heed myself. I’d been enabling my father and it wasn’t helping him. I saw him falling and failing, and I picked him up every time. He was making bad decisions for himself and yet I always felt like if I somehow made more money or did more for him, he wouldn’t need to gamble his sorrows away.
Right then, I realized Abel and I were more alike than different. We both felt inadequate to save the ones we loved. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to watch his mother fall into drugs and then find out he wasn’t important enough for her to stick around. The same happened with Deb. She had it all, but like Abel she felt empty and turned to drugs to fill the void. I would fill Abel’s void with love if the damn man would just come home.
I waited in the concert hall in the second best seat of the house. My heart stilled when I watched him walk in. There were no signs that he was drinking. His gait was steady and his voice was strong.
He stopped when he saw me. A thousand emotions crossed his face but indifference seemed to be the one that won out.
He picked up his guitar and fined tuned it. Though I wanted to rush to him and tell him I was sorry, I was also angry that he’d ignored my texts and calls so I sat and watched him go through his routine.
