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She paled as if she had been struck, but her back stiffened. I had to admire the way she stood so straight, her voice becoming stronger.
“And where are you taking Rowena? I want to talk with her.”
Sensing an ally, I tried to pull away from Ramon, but he held me fast. I was learning things I had not realized about the Kordes males, it seemed.
“I am afraid you will have to put off your conversation until tomorrow. Tonight Rowena will talk with me.”
“Ramon! Do not forget that you aren’t married yet!” Elena’s voice was sharp with anger.
“I forget nothing, mamacita. But I would advise you not to come knocking at my door, filled with hypocritical morality!” He tugged me forward by my wrists as if I had been bound, so that I fell against him. “You have heard how Lucas bought her, as a captive from the Apaches? Well, tonight, I took her from him. And, as I have said, we have talking to do—perhaps more than that.”
“Ramon! If I did not know you better I’d say that you were drunk. You forget yourself!”
He laughed. “Mother, if it is your other son, who is not your son, that you are concerned about, I suggest you go outdoors and find him!”
We left her staring after us as if she had been turned into a statue of stone. I stumbled on the stairs, and Ramon lifted me up in his arms, in spite of my feeble, half-dazed protests.
It was, I think, the way he kicked the door of his room shut behind him that brought me back to my senses. That, and the way he carefully bolted the door behind him, having flung me across his bed like an unwanted package. I watched him turn the lamp up slightly, and then turn back to me, casually unbuttoning his jacke
t.
“What’s got into you?” I flung the words at him, but they sounded breathless and uncertain. He smiled, his mouth twisting mirthlessly under his neat moustache, and I realized that I did not know him at all. This was the man I had planned to play with, hoped to manage. The “gentleman of the family,” and he turned out to be even worse than his brother.
“Nothing’s got into me,” he said calmly, and added, in the same tone of voice, “I would think that you’d be glad to see me turn into a man. It was the insult to you that did it, of course. And now, my sweet bride-to-be, I think that you should follow my example, and take your clothes off. Or would you prefer me to help you? Perhaps you’re shy. I’m sure tonight must have been a shocking experience for you, and you must need some comfort.” In the face of my stunned silence he raised an eyebrow. “Surely I don’t shock you? After all, we are engaged to be married, what difference will it make if we are… how shall I put it… a trifle impatient? You will notice that my experienced brother did not let such small matters stand in his way. What surprises me is that having bought you, and had you to himself, he did not take advantage of such glorious bounty! Or did he?”
I drew what remnants of pride and aloofness I had left in me about myself like an invisible cloak, and looked coldly into his eyes.
“If you thought that, then you should not have acted the hypocrite, Ramon. I suggest that you let me go back to my room, and we can talk more calmly and reasonably in the morning.”
He flung his jacket away from him, so that it landed on the floor. “In the morning, you say? My sweet, practical Rowena! Why should we wait until the morning? After all, we are engaged to be married, what difference will it make if I make you my bride tonight? I defended your honor… doesn’t that make you feel differently towards me? I almost lolled my brother over you—surely that must mean something? And at least, my intentions are completely honest, and honorable. You were Shannon’s fiancée for a short time—surely you did not hold back when he took you in his arms?”
He came to me, leaned over me, and I felt myself pressed backward onto the bed. Suddenly, he had thrown his body over mine, his hands gripping my wrists, pulling them over my head.
“Did I coerce you into telling me you’d marry me? You acted as if you were willing and eager. Was it all a game with you? Rowena, tonight I’m going to have proof of your real feelings. Are you capable of any real feelings? Kiss me then, as if you love me, as if you meant what you said, and I will not doubt you.”
I let my lips part under his, and I suffered his searching, encroaching tongue. Hadn’t I learned from Edgar Cardon? And yet even Edgar had always accused me of coldness, and I had never been able to prevent a certain feeling of being stifled—buried alive—when I felt his weight above me. I felt the same way now. I let Ramon kiss me, but I could not respond. I suffered his body on mine, his hands on my breasts, and a voice in my mind kept telling me dully that this was something I must get used to.
I was to marry Ramon. It was the only sensible, logical way out of my dilemma. Not Lucas. Never Lucas, who loved another woman, who hated me as much as I hated him—who wanted me in the same way that I wanted him! Oh God, not Lucas, who might be dying even now; who was the only man who could kiss me past the point of thinking or of caring.
“Oh Rowena… Rowena!” Ramon was whispering. “You kiss like a whore… like an angel! You’re so cold, so unapproachable to look at, and yet, when a man holds you close and your mouth opens under his, you’re like one of the sirens the Greeks wrote about, the taste of your mouth so sweet you can drive a man out of his mind!”
I let Ramon kiss me, and I told myself that it didn’t matter. Once we were out of the valley I would be able to manage him; he would be different, everything would be different.
Ramon’s fingers were fumbling with the tiny buttons that held my gown together in front, opening it down to my waist. His lips moved against the skin of my neck, of my breasts. And I could feel—nothing. I lay there, unmoving, and I thought again of Sir Edgar Cardon, who had taken my cold, unresisting body so often, after that first time, and I wondered why it was that I had never been able to bring myself to pretend. With Todd I had come almost to the point of forgetfulness. Lucas had taken me beyond. Why did I have to think of Lucas?
I suddenly became aware that Ramon had raised himself up on his elbows and was staring down at me. He put his hand on one of my naked breasts, and I winced, not able to prevent my instinctive reaction.
“You’ll let me take you, even if you obviously don’t enjoy my touch?”
My voice sounded tired and unemotional. “I thought you said you wanted me. But if you’ve changed your mind, I could use some sleep.”
His face changed. I thought for a moment that he would strike me, and I didn’t care.
His voice was disturbingly quiet, however. “Were you thinking only of sleep when you pressed yourself against my brother like a woman in ecstasy, and put your arms around his body? Do you think I am a blind man, that cannot see what is before his eyes?”
I looked into his eyes, startled and angry, and they were like shiny brown stones, without feeling or expression.
“No, I am not blind, Rowena! But sometimes a man in love does not want to admit the truth. I loved you. I think I was infatuated from the first moment I set eyes on you. There was something in your very coldness, in your reserve, that excited me, intrigued me. I dreamed of you, and I thought that I would never be lucky enough to see you again, until Lucas brought you here. And you were still beautiful, still strong, still so cold and so arrogant in spite of everything I knew you must have gone through! I loved you all the more. I tried to show you respect and gentleness, all the things I thought you needed and were your due. And Lucas swore he had not touched you, and even Julio said that it was so. I thought you hated him, despised him! But was it that? Was it really that, or something else?”
