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“As I did?”
We were in our bedroom, and Mark, with a sudden violence that took me by surprise, put his hands on my shoulders, his fingers gripping so hard that I heard the thin lawn of my sleeves rip.
“Yes! Did you think I didn’t know what you were to Sir Edgar Cardon? I was in Paris, remember? He wasn’t so discreet there. I knew you were his mistress. There was a certain very exclusive, very expensive house, on the outskirts of Paris—do you recall it? He took you there one night. I recognized you, in spite of the heavy veil that covered your face. I was there. I followed—just another curious guest. I saw everything that you saw. I couldn’t see your reactions, but I could guess them! And I was more fascinated than I had been. More under your spell. Do you understand? A woman who can hide her emotions, who can still appear to be made of marble, who can use her head to her best advantage—do you wonder why I admired you so? Why I wanted you? You and I, Rowena. We will have everything. Remember when you said that we would be the builders? We will build our own empire.”
“And Todd?” I was amazed that my voice sounded so matter of fact.
“You don’t love him!” Mark laughed, drawing me closer to him. “And I think that by now you have reason to hate him, just as I have. He’s trampled on other people too long, had his own way too long. He’ll learn.”
“Mark—I can hardly believe all this. Or the change in you. Do I really know you?”
“You will. And you’re going to help me, just as Monique helps John.”
“John Kingman is not an ordinary rancher, is he?”
I felt Mark’s hands slide down my arm.
“You know that by now. Monique told you. John was run out of Texas. He fought for the South, and came back to find his ranch confiscated by carpetbaggers for nonpayment of taxes. It was an excuse that was used very often in those days. Can you blame him for being bitter?”
“So he became an outlaw.”
“You can call it that. Until he met Monique. She was the brains behind this idea. An isolated ranch. A place where men on the run could hide out.”
“Where stolen cattle can be driven, and rebranded, and sold in the big cow towns, where nobody asks many questions. Yes, I know. Monique told me. But you and I, Mark. Where do we enter into this?”
“You said ‘we.’” Mark’s eyes looked searchingly into mine and I returned his look with an unblinking, level glance of my own.
“I’m married to you. I think I have a right to know what we’re involved in.”
If I could not discern any emotion in my voice, then Mark could not either. I remember thinking, distantly, that it was easy to use my intelligence and to be practical—hated word!—when my emotions were not involved.
“You have every right, and you shall know! Rowena—my dearest wife—I knew that you would understand!”
I suffered Mark’s crushing embrace, I made no protest when, his fingers shaking, he began to undo the buttons that ran down the front of my gown.
“I must tell you,” I said to Mark as I stepped out of my dress and kicked it aside, “that I am not easy to arouse. I am your wife, and I will submit when you want to take me. But I’m not a whore, and I will not feign response if I feel none. Do you understand, Mark?”
In the dimness of the room his eyes looked fever-bright. “And Cord, whose name you cried out last night while I caressed your sleeping body. Did he arouse your slumbering passions?” I realized that I would have to tread very carefully as I looked into Mark’s face, narrowing my eyes slightly.
“Are you jealous, Mark?”
“Answer me!”
“Well, then—” I chose my words deliberately. “At the beginning, yes. I didn’t think we would live through the fury of that storm. I was so frightened that it was easy to be abandoned. And afterward… well, you know what happened. I think I was too cold to suit him.”
“But you continued to want him—to dream about him. I must know the truth, Rowena!”
Mark’s face was flushed as he pulled the chemise from my body with unusual roughness.
For the first time, since we had come here to talk, I let some emotion come into my voice. “Yes! Why not? No woman likes to feel rejected. It would have been different if I had been the one. If he came crawling to my feet then I would not want him. If you want a passionate creature as your wife, Mark, then you’ll have to get used to the fact that I might someday desire another man.” I saw the look on his face and forced a laugh. “My goodness! How Monique would laugh if she thought you were capable of jealousy! She’s told me how understanding John is and how she loves him all the more for it. Must our marriage be governed by bourgeois morality?”
The one weapon I had against Mark was rationality. He prided himself upon his logic and his intellectual outlook.
Now I saw a baffled look come into his eyes as he gazed down at me. “You—expect me to allow you to take lovers?”
“I would be very discreet of course. And I would expect the same of you. Really, Mark, you’ve been begging me to understand, and now that I have accepted your philosophy, you don’t seem too happy about it. Are we to be partners or not? If you wanted a meek, conventional wife, you should not have chosen me, especially since you know me so well.”
“Suddenly you’ve changed, Rowena. You’re no longer the lost, unhappy girl who turned to me for comfort.”
