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It was part of why I had to be impervious.
“Shit, that’s probably true,” he said. “Listen, want me to come hang for a couple days? I could crash on your couch, make fun of your complete lack of creature comforts, play guitar while you’re trying to sleep? Total package.”
I chuckled.
“Nah, I’m all right.”
“You wanna come here for a bit? You can play with Solo.”
Theo was utterly in love with Solo and he and the dog were inseparable. But it meant that when Theo left the house, Solo was devastated.
“No, but thanks.”
“Don’t wanna leave your man?” Whit teased.
“Shut up.”
“We’re still on for dinner next week, though, right? You can borrow a car?”
“Yeah.”
“Hey, you should bring Felix. I wanna meet him.”
“Hmm. Maybe. But, Whit,” I said sternly.
“Yes, dear?”
“If he comes, you…just go easy on him.”
“Damn, man,” he said.
I didn’t have it in me to ask what he meant.
* * *
—
Two days later, as I was about to shower before Felix came over, I got an incoherent call from Helen, Morgan’s sister, saying that their mom was back in the hospital and she had to go to work and Morgan needed me. She was crying and rambling, and I couldn’t get any details out of her. I promised I would take care of it.
My stomach was tight when I called Felix.
“Hey!” he answered. “I’ll be there soon. Need me to pick anything up?” I could hear the city in the background.
“I’m sorry to do this. A sponsee needs me.”
There was a pause and the noise coalesced.
“Oh. Okay. Should I wait a bit? Or, sorry, you’re cancelling.”
I pressed my palm against my stomach, hard.
“I’m really sorry, Felix. Not sure how long this will take.”
“Okay. I get it.”
“Sorry,” I said again. Felix sighed.
“Okay, well. I hope your sponsee’s okay.” A siren on his end of the call; a child crying. “Um. Are we still on for Saturday?”
“Yes,” I said quickly. “Absolutely.”
“What if another sponsee needs you?”
He didn’t sound bitter; he sounded dejected.
“They won’t.”
He sighed.
“They might.”
“Saturday,” I said. “I’ve gotta go.”
He hung up without saying goodbye.
* * *
—
Saturday we left early. Felix had the day off and I was taking him to Coney Island. He’d said he took me to the Museum of Natural History, which was his favorite place, so he wanted me to take him to mine. He’d never been.
He listed sleepily against my shoulder on the subway as the city gave way. When we disembarked, the smell of the ocean was in the air. In late September the beach wasn’t crowded, but there were plenty of people on the boardwalk and among the amusements.
“Holy shit,” Felix said, grabbing my hand as we drew within view of the rides. “It’s got for-real roller coasters!”
He grinned, and I could tell that I wouldn’t be spending the day sitting on a bench or on the beach people-watching like I usually did when I came by myself.
“I’ve never been on a roller coaster,” he added.
“Cyclone is a wooden coaster built in 1927,” I said, pointing to it.
Felix was wide-eyed at everything and kept grabbing my hand in his enthusiasm. After getting the lay of the land, we went down to the beach so he could look at the water. Then we walked hand-in-hand for a while, weaving through arcades and back to the boardwalk, avoiding the streets.
“Jeez, it’s huge,” Felix said. “I guess I thought it would be more contained.”
“Yeah. Back when this was a resort spot the amusement parks were individual, but now it’s all connected.”
As we approached the Cyclone again, he asked if I wanted to ride it.
“I’ve never gone.”
“But I thought you came here all the time.”
“I do. Don’t ride the rides, though.”
“Why not?”
I shrugged.
“I’d feel kinda creepy doing it by myself,” I said. “Big old dude lurking.”
Felix looked up at me and wrinkled his nose.
“You’re not old and it’s not creepy. You’re a person, Dane. You’re allowed to ride a roller coaster if you want to. You don’t need someone else to do it with you.”
He sounded fierce as he lectured me. It made me want to kiss him senseless.
You’re a person.
“Okay,” I agreed.
The attendant told Felix to sit on the right side since he was smaller, and as the lap bar came down, my heart began to race. Felix held tight to my hand as we climbed the first hill on the coaster. The air was cool and fresh in the way city air near the water can be.
We crested the hill, hanging there for just an instant until the weight of the car pulled us over, then we shot down so fast my stomach was in my throat. When we raced around the next loop without pause, I couldn’t even turn my head to look at Felix, but I heard him shout.
The coaster was rickety and as we were thrown from side to side, it was clear why they’d placed me on the left. Felix ended up slamming into me over and over. If our positions had been reversed, I would’ve crushed him into the side of the car.
