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You have no right to just walk in here…‘
Don’t talk to me about rights.‘ His voice was low, but it pulsed with tightly restrained emotion. His lips were pale, tightly compressed, his whole body rigid as though he was desperately fighting to maintain control. Why didn‘t you tell me, Kate?‘
I was going to.‘
She was too tired, too shell-shocked by the events of the past couple of days to think of anything beyond the immediate need to defend her corner. Her son.
Cristiano‘s arrival threatened to shatter the fragile shell that was containing her raw emotions and she was horrified by the strength of her longing to throw herself into his arms and let him kiss her into oblivion. She backed against the wall, putting as much distance between them as was possible in the small room and clenching her hands into fists.
When? He‘s three, for God‘s sake.‘
I tried…‘
In the bed, Alexander gave another breathy sigh as he shifted position. As usual when he was waking up his small hand went to the drip in the crook of his elbow and tried to tug it out. Watching him, Cristiano remembered doing exactly the same thing after his accident.
The arrow of agony that shot through his own arm now was far harder to bear than the pain had been then. Because it was his son‘s pain and he could do nothing about it.
Gritting his teeth, he looked away. Kate had moved forward, murmuring soothingly as she bent to brush the dark hair off the little boy‘s forehead. The thin, metallic light emphasised the pallor of her unmade-up face, and the lines of anguish etched into it, but in that moment there was something so profoundly, exquisitely beautiful about her that Cristiano‘s breath caught, and he felt a sensation like hot needles pricking the backs of his eyes.
And then she looked up at him and her expression changed to one of wariness, like a cornered animal.
Please Cristiano, I—‘
Mummy…‘
The soft whimper from the bed made her stop mid-sentence, but the way her eyes widened in panic told him all he needed to know. She didn‘t want him there.
So much for gathering her up in his arms, protecting her, he thought with savage bitterness. The only thing she seemed to want protection from was him.
I‘ll go,‘ he said roughly, stepping backwards towards the door. But on the condition that you‘ll meet me later to talk.‘
He thought for a moment that she was going to argue. He could tell that she wanted to. But in the end she said quietly, reluctantly, My friend Lizzie is coming in this morning. She can stay with him for a little while. But not long.‘
Mummy…‘
Alexander‘s voice was stronger now, more insistent. He was struggling to sit up. Cristiano felt a visceral pull inside him.
An hour.‘
She nodded quickly, keeping her eyes downcast. OK. An hour.‘
At the nurses‘ station on the way out, the blonde who‘d let him in was talking to another nurse. They stopped their conversation as he walked towards them.
You‘re not leaving already?‘ the blonde one asked, looking up at him from under mascaraed lashes.
Cristiano managed a hard, twisted smile. On the contrary—I intend to be around for a while yet. Perhaps you could give me the name of a hotel close by?‘
Kate stared at herself dismally in the mirror of the parents‘ washroom.
The fluorescent strip light flickered slightly, adding a further sinister element to the whole horror film extra‘ look she seemed to have inadvertently adopted, mercilessly showing up the greyness of her skin and the grease that darkened her hair. She looked as if she should be the one in the hospital bed, not Alexander.
After a solid few days of sleep the difference in him was nothing short of miraculous. She should be over the moon—she was over the moon, she told herself wearily—it was just that his new-found energy brought a whole new set of demands that, in her strung-out and exhausted state, she wasn‘t coping with very well. At the best of times his attention span was pretty short, but now, excited by the novelty of his surroundings, and bored from spending so long in bed, it was getting increasingly hard to distract him from his mission to yank out his IV
antibiotic line and run around.
She‘d been glad when Lizzie had arrived—bringing a get-well present of a big, shiny book about racing cars—because it had meant the pressure was taken off her own frayed nerves a little bit. Although it had also meant it was time for her to face Cristiano.
Her reflection in the mirror had turned a sickly shade of khaki now. She knew she ought to change out of the black dress she had been wearing since she‘d left the chalet—now crumpled like an old dishrag—and attempt to do something to paint out the purple circles under her eyes, but what was the point?
They were meeting to talk about Alexander, she reminded herself bluntly.
She didn‘t need make-up or attractive clothes to do that. As he‘d said before she got on the plane, whatever they had shared in Courchevel was over.
As she came out of the bathroom she was aware of a flurry of activity around the nurses‘ station. At least five nurses were gathered there—more than Kate had seen in all the time she‘d been there—and the hospital smell of antiseptic and floor polish was overlaid with clouds of perfume.
And in the midst of them all, lounging with deceptive nonchalance against the front of the high desk, was Cristiano. He had shaved since she had seen him that morning, but the brooding expression on his face made him look as dangerous and piratical as ever.
She shivered, though whether from fear or desire she couldn‘t say.
He broke away from the cluster of blue-clad figures when he saw her, moving towards her with menacing grace.
Ready?‘
Where are we going?‘
As they emerged through the wide glass doors into the outside world, Kate was instantly assaulted by the cold wind and the roar of traffic. Her footsteps faltered for a moment, and she had to resist the urge to put her hands over her ears to block out the barrage of noise.
Or bolt back inside.
Or bury her head in Cristiano‘s broad, hard chest.
Walking beside her, he seemed impossibly tall and strong, and Kate‘s legs felt shaky just from being near him again. Why did he have to be so horribly attractive? It made everything in this nightmare so much more complicated, so much harder to think through rationally. His arm touched hers and she flinched violently away.
Relax,‘ he drawled acidly. It‘s that building over there.‘ Raising an arm, he pointed across the street to an imposing Victorian frontage several storeys tall.
Flags hung above the entrance, and a doorman wearing a dark grey overcoat stood at the top of the steps.
The Excelsior?‘
Her heart plummeted. She had just about been prepared to face him across a table in some busy coffee bar, but the Excelsior was the most expensive hotel in the whole of Yorkshire. And the most intimidatingly exclusive.
I can‘t go in there,‘ she protested, almost colliding with him as he stopped to cross the road. Both the bar and the lounge have really strict dress codes, and I really don‘t think I‘m quite—‘
All of a sudden it seemed that she was talking to herself. The traffic had slowed for him, and he was halfway across the road already.
Don‘t worry,‘ he said grimly as she caught him up. We‘re not going into the bar or the lounge.‘
What do you mean?‘
I booked a room.‘
No!‘ She stopped in the middle of the road, unthinkingly stepping backwards in horror. I came here to talk about my son. Did you think it would be that easy to seduce me into doing what you want?‘
A horn blared behind her as a taxi swerved to avoid her. Cristiano grabbed her arm, yanking her forward. His face was as hard and cold as marble.
Our son,‘ he said, with a lethal softness that was totally belied by his iron grip on her arm. And I haven‘t decided what I want yet.‘
The doorman eyed her curiously as Cristiano led her up the steps. As the heavy doors swung shut behind them the outside world receded again. The entrance lobby was hushed and opulent—like a gentlemen‘s club, Kate thought, looking nervously around while they waited for the lift, hoping someone else would appear so she didn‘t have to share it with him alone.
The doors slid open. It was empty.
Casting one last desperate look around, Kate stepped in after him, pressing herself against the wall furthest away from him. Neither of them spoke. Why did all lifts have to have mirrors inside? she wondered miserably, trying not to notice the contrast between her hollow-eyed gauntness and his ravaged beauty. He looked exhausted too, but the difference between them was that he could still stop traffic—literally, as she‘d just discovered. She just looked like a road accident.
Her stomach lurched as the lift came to a standstill. Her thoughts raced, but like a cartoon character running over the edge of a cliff they led nowhere, leaving her waiting for the moment when she would simply plunge through thin air and crash to the ground. I haven’t decided what I want yet, he‘d said. What did that mean?
