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And the thing was, he couldn‘t blame her.
He remembered her telling him of her question about wanting a child to carry on the Maresca name and reputation, and knew exactly why he would have answered it so unequivocally. He knew only too well how futile it was to place any expectations on your children—how cruel it was to make them carry their parents‘
dreams.
She shook her head vehemently. That‘s not true. I didn‘t want to put you in a position you clearly didn‘t want to be in. I didn‘t just want Alexander to have a father. I wanted him to have a family.‘
There was something unbearably touching about the way she said it.
Cristiano got to his feet. Frowning, he looked out of the window.
He still can.‘
There was a small silence. On the street below a siren wailed.
How?‘ she asked quietly. What are you saying?‘
Cristiano turned back to look at her, keeping his expression neutral. That we can give him that. I‘m asking you to marry me.‘
Chapter Ten
MARRY M E.
On paper, those words coming from the beautiful lips of Cristiano Maresca should have made her want to scream with joy and throw herself into his arms.
They should have made her yell yes without a moment‘s hesitation, and have her running to the nearest bridal shop to lose herself in racks of ivory satin and lace.
She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.
Well?‘
Cristiano‘s voice was cool and almost mocking. Which said it all, really.
Marry you…‘ she echoed hollowly, staring up at him in disbelief. As in properly…for real?‘
Is there any other way to get married?‘
I don‘t mean that. I mean…‘
To have and to hold, from this day forward,‘ he said scornfully. If you‘re asking if it‘ll be some kind of fairytale happy-ever-after, then the answer to that is probably no. I‘m not talking about the soft focus bit at the end of a romantic movie. I‘m talking about providing Alexander with a stable base, security—two parents living under the same roof, bringing him up together.‘
Security. Together. Like arrows, those words went straight into the heart of her. The man she‘d loved with every beat of her heart for four years was standing in front of her, offering the things she‘d always craved.
Or some of them, anyway. The kind of marriage he meant seemed to have one or two significant elements missing.
To have and to hold from this day forward?‘ she whispered hoarsely, getting to her feet and tucking her hands down into the pockets of the voluminous robe. But what about the other things, Cristiano? What about forsaking all others?
Are you going to give up your one-night stands with the paddock club hostesses and the PR girls?‘
That would be up to you. It depends what kind of marriage you want it to be. I can‘t live like a monk.‘
So sh-sharing a bed would be part of the deal?‘
Only if you wanted it to be.‘ In contrast to her, he sounded completely offhand, as if he was discussing some trivial aspect of his Clearspring sponsorship.
I may be guilty of many things, but forcing myself on an unwilling woman isn‘t one of them.‘
Kate didn‘t imagine for a moment that it was a situation he‘d ever encountered.
He took a step towards her, brushing a stray strand of hair off her face with a fingertip. Do you want it to be part of the deal?‘ he asked softly.
No!‘ His touch scorched her, bringing her back to her senses. This was exactly what she‘d been afraid of. What she‘d vowed to avoid. Backing away from him, she raised her head defiantly, pulling the robe more tightly around her.
Thank you for your offer, but the answer is no. When I get married I want it to be for the right reasons. For love, not for practicality.‘
His lip curled in a sneer of disdain, as if she‘d just said something unbelievably childish. In that case I‘d better get in touch with my solicitor to work out some kind of formal arrangement for me to see Alexander.‘
He pronounced it Alessander, Kate noticed distantly. A mixture of Italian and English—which was what Alexander was going to be from now on. A child with two homes, two lives. Two parents—but not in a good way.
Is that really necessary? You‘ll be going away soon—back to M-Monaco, or wherever, to race.‘
It was a long shot, she knew that. But she also knew how deep Cristiano‘s passion for racing went. It was her best hope.
Of course.‘ He shrugged. I‘m a racing driver. But that doesn‘t mean I can‘t be a father too.‘
But what kind of father?‘ Inside the pockets of the robe Kate‘s fingernails were digging into her palms. She felt as if she was pleading for her life. What kind of security can you give a child when you put your neck on the line for a living?‘
His eyes narrowed. What exactly are you afraid of, Kate?‘
She gave a humourless laugh, as if to acknowledge that she understood how stupid it was going to sound. That he‘ll just get to know you and he‘ll lose you.‘
Cristiano‘s voice was ominously quiet. So you think he‘s better off not knowing me at all?‘
Yes.‘
The smile he gave her was chilling. You don‘t know what it‘s like not to know your father.‘
No,‘ Kate gasped, struggling to hang onto her last shreds of control. But I know what it‘s like to know him and adore him and think he‘s invincible, and then to have him snatched away from you like that!‘
She snapped her fingers, blinking back tears. Her breathing was shallow, her chest rising and falling rapidly beneath the robe. By contrast he was glacially calm.
Even more reason to get some formal arrangement in place, then.‘
Kate took in a deep breath, holding it for a second until her lungs burned.
Then she let it out slowly, trying to steady herself for a last attempt at reasoning with him.
Please, Cristiano. Think about it. You can‘t just walk into his life and then disappear again. It wouldn‘t be fair on him.‘
Cristiano looked at her. Her hair was almost dry now, and in the weak sunlight it gleamed like spun gold. Distantly he was aware of a steady pulse of desire, but desire he could deal with. It was the complicated mix of emotions that this girl seemed to arouse in him that was far more problematic.
His solicitor was excellent. He could hand the matter over to him and keep emotion out of it entirely. It was a legal matter. A matter of rights.
Wasn’t it?
Suddenly he was aware of how long it had been since he‘d last slept. I think you mean,‘ he said tonelessly, it wouldn‘t be fair on you.‘
What are you trying to say?‘
You want him to yourself.‘
No, I—‘
I‘m not criticising you, Kate,‘ he interrupted wearily. He was too tired to play games any more, and the issue at stake was too important. He‘d never really given much thought to the idea of having a child, his own miserable childhood having made him feel that it wasn‘t something he‘d want. But now it had happened, he realised he did. Very much. I‘m not blaming you—you‘ve done this on your own for three years and it can‘t have been easy. I just want you to know that I‘m not going to go along with it either. I‘m not going to walk away. So now, when you‘re dressed, it‘s time to go back to the hospital. I‘d like to meet my son.‘
I don‘t want him to know who you are yet,‘ Kate said in a low voice as they waited to be let back in through the security door to the children‘s ward.
Cristiano looked down on her, one eyebrow arched in sardonic enquiry. Do you mean that I‘m a racing driver or his father?‘ he asked blandly. I can‘t decide which you think is worse.‘
Both, now you come to mention it. But I meant that I don‘t want you to tell him you‘re his father. It‘s too soon. Too sudden. Especially when he‘s been ill.‘
A voice crackled over the intercom, telling them to go in. Kate kept her eyes fixed straight ahead as they walked along the corridor—outwardly like two ordinary parents going to visit their sick child together. Her heart was beginning to beat uncomfortably hard at the prospect of what lay ahead.
As they passed the desk Kate noticed that the two nurses who, a moment before had had their heads bent together over a file of notes looked up, mouths open, their eyes following Cristiano as if they were a couple of starving stray dogs and he was the butcher. Irritation fizzed inside her.
He‘s also quite shy with people he doesn‘t know—particularly men—so don‘t expect too much,‘ she snapped.
The door to Alexander‘s room was in sight now, and as they got closer she quickened her steps, feeling a strong urge to run ahead along the corridor and gather him up into her arms, holding him tight so that no one could take him away from her.
