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“She’s here, Ben,” Anthony repeats like he wishes he could shake some sense into me.
I turn and walk away from him.
I don’t know what he wants from me. I’m still not even convinced he saw her. He’s my friend and he wants the best for me, but telling me Raelynn is here, giving me that hope…
I just can’t do it again.
I can’t go back to that place.
In the morning, I wake up when a foot collides with my nose.
Jesus Christ.
I jolt awake and look over to see Caleb sleeping sideways on the pillow beside me.
I went in and got him out of his crib last night. I don’t do it all the time. I know Shelby would kill me if she knew I was messing with his sleep habits, but I was away a lot last week and I didn’t get to see him much yesterday either.
I shift him and tuck him in right beside me. He stays like a limp noodle, totally out.
I glance over at the time, and once I see it’s past five AM, I know there’s no chance I’ll be able to fall back asleep. Even if I do, Caleb usually wakes up around six.
I grab my phone, keeping the light directed away from Caleb, and ignore the emails piled up. I scroll through social media, get bored, open the Kindle app, read a few pages, then get bored of that too. I glance over at Caleb to make sure he’s still sleeping, and then I open the internet browser and pause. I haven’t looked into Raelynn in months. It was a bad habit I needed to break, stalking her like that, perpetually hungry for details about her life. Now though, since last night, I’m too curious to resist the urge. What if Anthony was right? What if she’s back in California? I type Raelynn’s name into Google alongside Caltech, and I’m surprised when a new result propagates. I’d done the same thing in the past, and there were only the old articles about her scholarships and grants. There’s a link to the Caltech directory for her specific department. The page has a list of faculty, administrators, postdoctoral scholars, and graduate students. Raelynn is listed among the graduate students, and her name is a link as well. My pulse pounds as I click on it, but then disappointment follows swiftly when I see how little information the page actually contains: just her email, department, faculty adviser, and the physical address for the Cahill Center for Astronomy and Astrophysics.
I go back to Google and try a different combination of search criteria. I don’t delve too deeply into the implications of what I’m doing. It’s early and I’m lying in my dark bedroom, and I can almost live in denial. It’s not until I combine her name with her faculty adviser that a course website and PDF syllabus appears. At the top of the syllabus there’s a class name, time, and location.
I stare at it and contemplate doing the unthinkable.
Then Caleb stirs and I turn my phone off quickly, setting it face down on my bedside table like I’ve been caught. He pops his head up, his short curls flying in every direction.
“Morning, buddy.”
He tries to say morning back to me and he’s almost got it.
“I brought you into Daddy’s bed last night.”
He looks around, assessing the room. Then he laughs and throws himself on top of me, his head slamming into my rib cage.
“Ow! You stinker, that hurts.”
He only laughs harder, climbing on me. I tickle underneath his chin and he really loses it, and then I slide off the bed, grabbing him by his legs, and swing him up and into my arms.
“Let’s go eat breakfast.”
“Eggs!”
“How about a waffle?” I ask him, playing our game.
“Eggs!”
“Cereal?”
“Eggs!” he repeats vehemently.
“Ohhh, you want some scrambled eggs. You should have told me.”
My housekeeper, Nina, and Donna are already in the kitchen when I arrive with Caleb in my arms. He squeals and wriggles and demands to be put down so he can run over and cling to Donna’s leg.
“Good morning, baby,” she says, rubbing her hand through his curls. “I went in to check on you this morning and you’d mysteriously disappeared from your crib.”
Her gaze slices up to me, and I wink. She laughs and shakes her head.
“Are you cooking breakfast or do you want me to whip something up?” she asks me.
“I’ve got it. In fact, I’ll be fine with Caleb most of the morning. I just have to go in this afternoon to review film.”
“That’s fine. I have a date with my coffee and The Today Show. Don’t you two bother me.”
She tries to walk away, and Caleb clings to her leg.
“Has anyone seen Caleb?” I ask, starting to turn in a circle as if looking for him.
