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"How many, Dove?"
"Stop it," she hisses.
"Never. Tell me."
"N-No."
"Embarrassed? Just how much of a whore have you turned into, Dove? Tell me how many. Right the fuck now."
"None," she whispers. "Okay? Fucking none. I haven't slept with anyone. I have barely kissed anyone. I didn't let anyone fuck me. Not my mouth. Not my pussy. Not my ass."
I'm fucking shocked but delighted at the same time. "None? But it's been years..."
This time, the tears do fall. She pushes me away and storms off, and I struggle to wipe the self-righteous smile off my face.
None.
She's still fucking mine.
Chapter 21
Dove
"What are you still doing here?" I tap my foot against the floor, glaring at Nox as he leisurely pours a glass of water at the kitchen sink. "I told you, I wanted you gone in the morning."
"I can't just leave," he mutters, taking gulps of his drink. "I don't trust you by yourself."
"Fortunately for you, that's my problem, not yours."
"I'm not leaving, Dove." He sets the glass down and approaches me with a darkened expression. "You hurt yourself last night. I need to check your cut."
He reaches for my arm, but I snatch it away. I've reached the anger stage in my process and I hate him right now. I just want him fucking gone. From my house, from my life. I want him to leave.
"There's no need for that. Just go."
And yet, a part of me still hopes he won't leave. That he'll refuse to go away. That he'll insist on staying. And when he does, my heart soars for reasons I'd rather not damn well explore.
"Come here." He motions to the window, and reluctantly, I do as I'm told. He's careful as he unwraps the bandage covering my cut, but I still wince when he pulls it off. "It looks better than it did last night."
He disinfects it again and adds some antiseptic cream before covering it with a fresh bandage. It's strange seeing him like this. Strange to know he actually cares about me. He's so careful with me, like I was a porcelain doll. Every motion he makes, every stroke of his fingers is gentle. It's the opposite of what I know him to be – unforgiving, rough, and cruel.
"What are you going to do all day?" I ask him. "Do you have a job or something?"
He doesn't answer me, carefully arranging the bandage on my arm. "What are you going to do all day, Dove?"
"I'm supposed to go to the plant nursery, but I don't feel good," I mutter.
"The hospital called," he tells me. "They have... they have Sam's ashes. They asked if I wanted to arrange the funeral."
"I want to scatter them," I mutter. "Uphill somewhere."
"We can do that."
"I didn't include you on purpose, Nox," I hiss. "You're not part of this, so stop forcing yourself into the situation."
I can tell I've hurt him, and for a split second, I regret my harsh words. But I don't say sorry.
"I am part of it whether I want to be or not," he mutters. "We'll go on a hike tonight, then. I'll find a more secluded location where we won't be bothered by anyone."
I glare at him, wanting to fight him. And yet the temptation of having company for the final part of Sam's journey is tempting. I want him to come with me. I don't think I'm strong enough to handle this on my own.
"Get ready and we'll go to the hospital," he mutters, sitting down on my sofa and scrolling through hike locations. I take a few seconds to just look at him. I can't believe Parker Miller – Nox – is sitting on my couch. Fuck. I spent years trying to run from him, but here he is now, in the fucking flesh. And something tells me he's not giving up on me, especially after my confession last night.
But I hadn't lied. I wanted to, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I really hadn't been with anyone since him. It was ridiculous. So many years had passed. I'd went on dates, I'd let men kiss me. But I never, ever felt what I felt with Nox. Not until Raphael.
Guiltily, I remember abandoning my date the previous night at the club. I feel so fucking terrible. I'll need to call Raphael and apologize, but I'm dreading the thought of speaking to him again. I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to explain what's happening with my life right now.
As I get ready, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I can't believe I'm letting the monster who did this to me closer and closer. I should be running away and calling for help, not inviting him deeper into my life. I hate myself. I hate the fact that I'm unable to fight my attraction to Nox.
