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She turns away but I've already blended right back into the shadows. Her eyebrows crease, but she seems to understand the nature of our forbidden friendship. She waves to the empty alley and skips over to where her mother is waiting. At least she seems less miserable now than she was when she first got here.
Breathing a heavy sigh, I already know my plan for the day is fucked. I need to follow the girl, Willa, now, not Dove. Dove has other people taking care of her now, but Willa doesn't. And she deserves help just as much. She's innocent. An innocent little kid that needs my help.
My fists tighten, my nails digging into the skin of my palm. Not waiting for Dove to appear, I slink into the shadows and begin trailing the little girl and her mother. I don't know when I fucking turned into a protector of the city, but I don't have a choice. My conscience which has sat undisturbed for decades is back at it, reminding me it's my responsibility to help the kid. After all, she doesn't have anybody else.
The woman is impatient, constantly tugging on the little girl's hand and dragging her along. I can tell Willa isn't excited about going back home. The sick side of me is almost excited at the prospect of meeting her stepdaddy. I can't wait to beat the shit out of the guy. Maybe even slit his fucking throat. That's what the bastard deserves for fucking up an innocent child.
Finally, the two of them arrive at a small, shitty house that's falling apart. The mom goes in first, leaving Willa on the doorstep.
What the actual fuck? She needs a lesson in bringing up a child.
Willa sits on the pavement, hugging her knees close to her chest, and my stomach tightens.
I watch until the door opens again. A stocky, once handsome guy, appears on the doorstep, glaring at my new friend. He mutters something I can’t hear and she follows him inside with her shoulders slumped, and the door slams shut behind them.
I lean against the brick wall behind me, lighting up a smoke.
I have a new mission now, something to distract me from Dove. I can only hope it will be enough to take my mind off little bird, the way she wanted.
Chapter 34
Dove
It's another Saturday night just like the ones before it. I'm out to dinner with Raphael again, mindlessly stabbing the vegetables on my plate with my fork.
"You’re somewhere else today, aren't you?" At the sound of Raphael's voice, my head snaps toward him and I offer an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry. Just really tired."
"Dove, you know I'm here for you, right?" His palm covers mine on the table, but I'm still averting his gaze, unable to bear the weight of his watchful eyes. "I'll do anything to make you feel better."
"It's okay," I reply jovially, even though it's the last thing I feel right now. Because, like clockwork, the nighttime rolls around and my mind goes back to the man I can never have – Nox.
After all, the monsters come out to play only when the sun is gone... And Nox did always feel most at home in the shadows.
I've forced him from my mind most days, but when night falls, he's back with a vengeance. His voice is burned into my brain, endlessly demanding attention. Attention I refuse to give him or his memory that lives within me, because the prick doesn't deserve it.
He's a killer. A murderer. And he should pay for what he's done. Because of him, I'll never see my brother again. And now Sam is gone too, and the only person I really have left is sitting in front of me, and here I am, still thinking about Robin's murderer. I deserve a punishment, so I dig my nails into my palms underneath the table.
Raphael seems to sense my discomfort, seeing how my teeth dig into my bottom lip painfully. He reaches for my hand under the table. My palm opens up, allowing his fingers to gently trace the crescent-shaped wounds I've given myself.
"Please don't hurt yourself," he says. His tone is soft but his intention is clear. He wants me to stop what I'm doing. But I can't. Not for him.
I think of Nox, then. Imagine his handsome face, the scar I put on it. He'll carry me around for ever now. He can't run from me either.
And my fingers relax. I stop hurting myself, stop digging my nails into my palm. I close my eyes shut and exhale, telling myself I'm doing this for Raphael, even though my mind and body both know it's a lie, a betrayal. I'm doing this for Nox. To make him proud. And as sick as it is, the smallest sliver of me hopes he's watching, and that he's proud.
