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I know I made the right decision for both of us by breaking things off with Willa.
Watching me have a baby with a woman she hates would have wrecked my girl. And I couldn't bear tying her down to me in that situation. She deserves so much more and so much better.
And yet not having Willa at the touch of my fingertips is enough to drive me insane. I've accepted tonight I won't be able to stay away from her for good. It's just impossible. While I know me clinging on is selfish as fuck, I also know I can't force myself to break off all contact.
Willa needs someone on her side, especially if she's left for New York. I assume things aren't good with her parents, and I know when she's own her own, she sometimes doesn't make the best decisions. That's how I justify staying in touch, even though I know deep down I'm being a selfish, possessive bastard who just can't stay away.
The last photo finally arrives. Her face isn't visible in it – she's lying on a bed holding her legs up, the crystal plug glittering in her tight little ass.
I groan, bringing my cock out again. I can't fight these feelings for her. Even though I've committed to being there for Elise, she can't stop me from wanting Willa.
I already know I won't be able to touch another woman. And if I'm not able to get my dick drained, I guess I'll have to do it myself. As long as I don't blow my cover with Willa, things should be fine... at least for now.
With a groan, I palm my cock and feel it harden between my fingers, eager for a release. I haven't come since the last time with Willa, which feels like a lifetime ago. But I can't stop now – I need this release, need to dedicate this to the memory of the woman who made my heart skip a beat for her. My trouble.
My eyes remain glued to the photo as I jerk off, going faster and faster as I remember all the beautiful memories I made with Willa. Holding her, making her hot chocolate, feeling her skin for the first time. The absolute addiction I already felt after meeting her for the first time, when we couldn't be together yet.
This kind of connection is once in a lifetime. I know I'll never have anything like it again. But that's okay, because experiencing it once is better than never having it at all.
I come with a groan, spilling my pent-up load all over my fist and thinking of Willa the whole time. I don't think any other woman could make me come at this point. I'm too hooked on the girl I can never have again.
After I clean up, I take a deep breath. Tomorrow, I have to go baby shopping with Elise and I'm fucking dreading it. But I need to be the father I never had. I can't make the same mistakes that my dad made, ruining my childhood. I need to do better.
But I've realized now doing the right thing isn't quite so simple.
I know I won't be able to resist messaging Willa again. And I tell myself that's okay. Far as she knows, I'm TyrantDaddy, not the man who left her heart in tatters at her feet. And I'm going to keep it that way for ever.
Just because my life is ruined doesn't mean Willa's needs to be, too. She has decades of happiness in front of her, and I'm going to make sure she's taken care of and provided for.
Even if it fucking breaks my heart.
After all, I deserve it – and worse.
Chapter 21
Willa
1 month later
New York was supposed to be good for us. I thought it would be a fresh start, a way for me and Mercy to reconnect. Instead, it's turned into anything but.
Only two weeks after arriving in New York, Scott tracked us down in Theo's apartment. Though Mercy denies giving him our address, I don't believe her. She's so hooked on that boy, she can't see straight.
Scott moved in within the day. I didn't mind that much at first, but his presence is driving me up the wall now. He's quickly gotten into selling drugs in the city, and while that means we have enough money, there are still shady people in his past that want to hurt us.
I brought up Scott's debt once and he lost his shit with me, which made me reconsider asking again. But I can tell Mercy is worried, as much as she tries to hide it from both of us.
Tomorrow is my first day at Parsons. As I walk home from the grocery store, I think about how life has turned out for me.
At least I'm going to the school I've always dreamed of attending. But the pain of not having Raphael next to me hasn't faded in the slightest.
