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I’d tell him. Open and honest. He’d support me and everything would be fine.
My stomach turned again, and I lifted the toilet seat and leaned over, but nothing came up. As I dry heaved, tears pricked my eyes and bile rose in my throat.
I couldn’t lose this baby. If I told Brendan and lost the baby, we’d relive the whole nightmare over again. If I didn’t tell Brendan and lost the baby, then at least I’d be the only one miserable.
“No,” I whispered to myself. I wasn’t going to do this alone.
Straightening, I rinsed my mouth out and splashed some cool water on my face. Part of me was terrified of his reaction, although, deep down, I had a feeling that he would be happy. This was what he wanted. A second chance for us to be a family.
Was I ready for that? We’d skipped over so many steps.
Still feeling a little ill, I took a quick shower to help me cool down and changed. It left me feeling marginally better. By now, I could hear voices and footsteps in the house. The day’s work was over.
I took a quick peek in the house office, but no one was there. Figuring that Brendan was finishing up with the day’s paperwork, I started back across the ranch for the stable office. His familiar voice was loud and clear, and he wasn’t alone. Ben must have still been in there with him.
This wasn’t a conversation to have with other people around. I turned to go when I heard his and Gordon’s laughter.
Not Ben.
“When I suggested that we celebrate, I meant that we should go out. I’d even be down to go to Murphy’s and put my elbows up on one of them beer-stained counters. Drinks in your office wasn’t exactly on my mind,” Gordon grumbled.
“No time to hit up a bar. At least not tonight. Getting Harry to sign was just step one. Now I’ve got to actually make a plan for that land so it doesn’t suck all the money out of me.”
Harry signed the papers? Brendan now owned the other ranch?
Happy for him, I turned the corner and knocked on the door. “Hi, Gordon,” I said warmly. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“Hey, Jillian. Yeah, I was just—”
“Giving me an update on the investigation into Dennis,” Brendan interrupted and gave his lawyer a pointed look. “Guy’s got his hands in some dirty pies.”
My blood ran cold, and I chose my next words carefully. “You’re cracking open a beer before you finish with work? That’s not like you.”
“Just relaxing with a friend,” Brendan laughed. “It’s nothing super official.”
“Funny,” I said, keeping my voice carefully bland. “Because it sounded to me like you two were celebrating the sale of Harry Blackwell’s land.”
Gordon’s eyes widened, giving me the confirmation I needed. Brendan had just outright lied to me. “I guess I’ll just leave you two to your… relaxing.”
Anger boiled inside me as I spun on my heel and stalked away. Brendan raced after me. “Jillian, wait. Jillian. Dammit!”
Grabbing my arm, he spun me around, and I tried not to cry as I stared at him. “You just flat-out lied to me, Brendan. You bought Harry’s land. You got what you wanted from me, and then you lied to me about it!”
“Yes, I lied to you, but I have a good reason.”
I pulled out of his grasp. It hurt too much to have him touch me right then. Not after I was on the verge of imagining us together. Forever. “I don’t think I really care about the reason, Brendan. Being with you, trusting you, is giving me whiplash. One minute you want us to give things a second shot, and then the next minute you’re lying to me about something big.”
“I thought that you would leave if you knew,” he hissed through his teeth. “Damn it, Jillian, I talk and talk and try to convince you about us, but you don’t say anything back. I have no idea what’s going on in that head of yours. I thought that when I told you our deal was done, that you would bolt.”
“What am I supposed to do with that? The distrust is hard enough to swallow, but to sit here and listen to you admit that you’d rather me not make my own decisions—”
“That is not what I said,” he interrupted.
“You can beat around the bush all you want, Brendan, but no matter how much you sweeten the words, that’s exactly what you mean.” Silence fell between us, and I ached. I ached for what we’d lost and what we would never gain. “I think maybe it’s time that I go back home, Brendan.”
Inside, I was screaming. One nudge from him, and I would have stayed. All he had to do was kiss me, apologize, and tell me that he trusted me, and I’d be in his arms. I’d be willing to give him everything.
