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‘I can’t believe you’ve read Wuthering Heights.’
‘Why? Because I’m Greek, or because I’m a man?’
Suddenly her knees sagged. She mustn’t allow herself to get distracted. She mustn’t. She must not put herself in emotional danger. Because suddenly the idea that she possessed some kind of inner strength was in grave doubt. ‘Why are you here, Leon?’
‘You must know why I’m here.’
‘I’m afraid I don’t. I think I may have mentioned before that I’m a hairdresser, not a mind-reader.’
‘I’d like to come in.’
She made a play of hesitating but she knew it was a lost cause. Because no way was she going to send him away without hearing what he had to say—he knew that and she knew that. But that didn’t mean she had to take his coat, or offer him a drink, did it? Why was he here? she wondered caustically. Had he been warned that a journalist had contacted her last week, offering her an eye-watering amount of money if she agreed to cooperate on a profile piece about the enigmatic billionaire—and was he seriously worried that she might go ahead and do it?
She stared at him. ‘So?’ she questioned, as coldly as she could.
Leon nodded in response to her terse greeting but he didn’t speak straight away, knowing he had to choose his words carefully because surely these were the most important words he would ever say. He could see she was still angry and hurt—and he couldn’t blame her for that. Not for the first time, he recognised that the forgiveness he sought from Marnie Porter was by no means guaranteed and she might not want to forgive him. What if it was already too late—if she had decided that she was well rid of his privileged but strangely antiseptic life? He felt the thud of pain. Of dread. Of fear. And he wondered how he could have been so emotionally brutal with her.
‘I thought a lot about what you said, Marnie.’
‘Good. I hope you can learn from it. I hope we both can.’
‘Marnie...’ He shook his head in frustration, realising that he had wanted her to make it easy for him by guessing what was on his mind. That she would be able to detect his pain and begin the healing process by forgiving him. But she was right. She wasn’t a mind-reader, nor should he expect her to be. And he couldn’t escape from his feelings or from learning to express them, not if he wanted her.
‘What you said—’
‘I said a lot of things, Leon.’
‘I know you did—but one of them stuck in my mind more than any of the others.’
She stared at him. ‘About my mum?’
‘No. Not at all. Nobody should be blamed for their parentage, because that’s something over which we have no choice or control.’ He raked his fingers back through his windswept hair. ‘I’m talking about when you told me you weren’t good enough.’
She shifted awkwardly and stared down at the flagstone floor. ‘Oh, that.’
‘Yes, that. Because that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. You protected your sister through the most difficult of circumstances, all through your childhood. You forged a career for yourself and you’ve stuck at it. You made your own way in the world and took less from me than anyone else I’ve ever met. You have suffered knock-backs and the sort of prejudice which would have felled most other people, but not you. And somehow, along the way, you made me realise I was capable of feeling stuff. Stuff I’d always run away from before. You’re more than good enough by anyone’s reckoning, but especially by mine.’
‘Thanks,’ she said woodenly, her head still bent.
‘And I realised something else,’ he said slowly. ‘That maybe I deliberately failed to give you the opening to tell me about your mother before. There were plenty of times I could have asked you more, but I liked your reluctance to talk about the past. It seemed to offer a protection against the true intimacy I had spent my life trying to avoid. Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you, Marnie? That in a way, I condoned your secrecy.’
She shrugged. ‘Sure.’
‘I’ve missed you so much.’ He swallowed. ‘And the question I need to ask you now is whether you could forgive me?’ he questioned unsteadily. ‘Because I love you, Marnie Porter. I love you in a way I never believed I could love anyone and I can’t imagine spending my life without you.’
She looked up then and, though her eyes were very bright, she was shaking her head, a blonde halo of hair shimmering in the lamplight. ‘I’m afraid that’s not enough, Leon,’ she said. ‘The trust between us has been broken.’
‘Then let’s repair it.’
‘I don’t want to repair it.’
His heart was pounding—its loud thunder edged with fear. ‘Why not?’
‘Because...’
Her mouth was working and he could see her trying to keep a rein on her own emotions.
‘Because I don’t want to get hurt again,’ she burst out. ‘I’ve had a lot of trouble adjusting to life without you, but I’m managing and every day it’s getting easier. If we start seeing one another again, then we run the risk of breaking up all over again and I couldn’t bear it.’ She sucked in a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye. ‘I’m strong,’ she added. ‘But I really don’t think I’m that strong.’
