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She thought of how the situation might pan out. He might decide to stay longer in Khayarzah than he’d intended. Or he might slot in lots of extra trips abroad which would seamlessly and physically separate them. And when they finally came face to face back in the office so much time would have passed that it would be easy to consign the whole affair to history.
Easy for him, perhaps—but not for her. She hadn’t done this kind of thing before. Unlike him, she was no good at pretending.
Wasn’t it better to face the truth head-on—no matter how difficult that might be? To confront reality rather than trying to airbrush it away? Wouldn’t that at least go some way to restoring her pride and making sure she didn’t whittle away at her self-respect until there was nothing left but an empty husk?
She forced a smile. ‘Tariq, I’ve been thinking.’
Something in her tone made his eyes narrow. ‘Oh?’
Her heart was hammering, but she forced herself to look directly into his eyes. ‘I’m due a lot of holiday—and I was wondering if I might take the chance to use up some of my entitlement while you’re away? Fiona’s pretty much up to speed, and she’s perfectly capable of running your office.’
Tariq stiffened as he heard the sudden formality of her tone. Holiday entitlement. Fiona running his office. He met her tawny gaze and felt a brief spear of something like pain as he realised what she was doing. Izzy was clever, he conceded. Clever enough to sense that he was cooling towards her.
‘Is that really necessary?’ he said.
It was a loaded question. She knew it, and he knew it too. Isobel nodded her head. ‘I think so. I think we need to give each other a little space, Tariq. This...affair has been pretty amazing, but I suspect it’s run its course—don’t you?’ She stared at him, willing him to say no. Longing for him to pull her into his arms and tell her she was out of her mind.
Tariq looked at her and felt a wave of admiration underpinned by a fleeting sense of regret. For, although he knew that this was the perfect solution, he was going to miss her as a lover. But relationships never stayed static. Already he could sense that she wanted more from him. More than he could ever give. And if he allowed her these weeks of absence mightn’t she come back refreshed and able to put the whole thing behind her? Couldn’t they go back to what they’d had before? That easy intimacy they’d shared before they had allowed sex to complicate everything?
Briefly, he ack
nowledged the stab of hurt pride that she should be the one to end it. But why shouldn’t he be the one on the receiving end of closure for a change? Mightn’t it do him some good?
‘I think you could be right,’ he said slowly.
‘You do?’ Could he hear the disappointment which had distorted her voice?
He nodded. ‘I do. Maybe it’s better we stop it now before it impacts on our working relationship.’
‘Oh, absolutely,’ she agreed, gritting her teeth behind her smile. Wanting to lash out at him for his naïveté. Did he really think it hadn’t impacted on their working relationship already?
‘And you deserve a break,’ he said, his gaze drifting over her face. ‘Why don’t you get some sun on your cheeks? You look awfully pale, Izzy.’
Dimly, she registered his words, and they gave her all the confirmation she needed. He thought that a short spell in the sun was all she needed to bring her back to normal. Oh, if only it was that easy. A strange dizziness was making her head spin. For a moment she felt icy-cold beads of sweat pricking her forehead and the sudden roar of blood in her ears.
‘Izzy?’ He was grabbing hold of her now, hot concern blazing from his black eyes. ‘For heaven’s sake! What’s the matter?’
His fingers were biting into her arms, but she shook them off and pulled herself away. Gripping onto the edge of the desk, she sucked in deep breaths of air and prayed she wouldn’t pass out.
Tell him.
‘Izzy?’
Tell him.
But the words wouldn’t come—they stayed stubbornly stuck at the back of her throat and she swallowed them down again. I’ll tell him when I know for sure, she thought. When he gets back.
‘I’m fine, Tariq. Honestly. I just feel a little off-colour, that’s all. Must have been something I ate. And now, if you’ll excuse me for a minute, I’d better see about your jet. And then I’ll ring through to Fiona and have her sit in on our meeting.’
She waited until she’d spoken to the airfield, and then calmed an excited Fiona’s nerves, telling her that of course she could cope with running Tariq’s office.
And it was only then that Isobel slipped along to the thankfully empty sanctuary of the bathroom, where she was violently sick.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
IT WAS CONFIRMED.
The blue line couldn’t be denied any longer—and neither could the test Isobel had done the day before, or the day before that. Because all the tests in the world would only verify what she had known all along. And all the wishing in the world wouldn’t change that fact.
