AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘She was dead.’
Hannah saw the blanching of his olive skin and wondered if perhaps she’d asked enough questions but by now she couldn’t stop. Because didn’t she get the feeling that Kulal had spent his whole life bottling this stuff up, so that it had fermented inside him like a slow poison? Couldn’t this disclosure—no matter how painful—help liberate him from some of those locked-away demons, even if it darkened their own relationship as a result? ‘How did she die?’ she questioned clearly.
His eyes were bleak as they met hers. They looked empty. As if all the light had left them, never to return. ‘She slashed her wrists,’ he said eventually, not pausing when he heard Hannah’s shocked cry, emotion shaking his voice so that it sounded like rock shattering. ‘Then daubed our father’s name in blood on the walls. And that was how Haydar found her.’
A terrible silence descended on them. Hannah slapped her fingers over her trembling lips and it was minutes before she could bring herself to respond. ‘Oh, Kulal,’ she whispered. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Of course you’re sorry,’ he iced back. ‘We were all sorry. My father went half mad with guilt, and it nearly broke my brother. It’s what made him leave Zahristan as soon as he reached eighteen. Why he renounced the throne so that I was forced to take his place as monarch, even though I am the younger twin and never wanted to rule. Why he has never returned to this country for almost seventeen years,’ he finished bitterly. ‘That’s why the information about my mother’s death is so patchy, as you defined it—because somehow, I’m still not sure how, the palace managed to hush it all up. But press coverage was also very different at that time. We had more control over the media. Now do you understand what made me the man I am, Hannah?’
She was nodding her head. ‘Y-yes,’ she said, trying to stop her voice from trembling.
‘Why I have no desire for the demands of love?’ he continued, still in that same harsh tone. ‘It’s a word I equate with selfishness and ego. A word which often contradicts itself because people use it as a justification for behaviour which is in no way loving. Now, if you can accept that, then maybe we can continue as we are. If you can accept that I can never give you love and that I have no desire to be loved by you, then I am prepared to make the best of this marriage of ours.’ He paused and, briefly, his mouth softened. ‘A marriage which has been surprisingly tolerable, given its mismatched nature.’
Hannah told herself he wasn’t trying to be insulting as she absorbed his words. ‘And if I can’t?’
He met her eyes, all that softness having left lips which were now hard and unsmiling. ‘Then we’re in trouble.’
Hannah thought they were in trouble now. Deep trouble. Her instinct after hearing such a terrible story would have been to have taken her husband in her arms and held him close. To have stroked the raven darkness of his hair with fingers intended to comfort, because comfort was something she was good at—she’d comforted Tamsyn time and time again when her little sister had sobbed into her neck during their neglected childhood. But Kulal mistrusted closeness. He didn’t want affection unless it involved sex—and suddenly Hannah realised that his revelation had the power to change everything. Would it make her feel ridiculously self-conscious around him? If she was extra-tender towards him in bed would he think she was developing a love for him which might one day border on the obsessive, like his mother’s? Was she going to have to walk on eggshells whenever she was in his company, terrified he would misinterpret the simplest of gestures? And all that in addition to being in the inevitable spotlight of royal life...
Could she bear it?
Turning away from him, she walked over to the shutters, pulling them open to let in the bright light which flooded into the room. It should have been a symbolic lightening, but the atmosphere remained dark and heavy as Hannah stared outside. Their bedroom overlooked the rose garden, where a beautiful fountain was sending sprays of water arcing through the air in a shimmer of rainbows, but today the simple beauty of the scene made her feel unbearably sad. Often she would sit in the shade of the veranda outside, just enjoying her book in the peace of the afternoon. But somehow she could never imagine doing that again, because her newfound knowledge had changed everything. Her eyes had been opened and she could no longer pretend.
And that was the problem. Before, she could allow herself to daydream about her husband and hope they would get closer. Actually, what she’d secretly wanted was for them to fall in love. But that was never going to happen. Kulal would never allow it to happen—but
at least now he’d given her a reason. Why wouldn’t he run screaming from love, when his mother hadn’t shown him or his brother any? When she’d made a mockery of the word by sacrificing herself on the altar of her broken dreams.
‘I don’t know,’ she said huskily and saw his black eyes narrow. ‘I don’t know whether I can live like that, Kulal.’
He inclined his head. ‘Thank you for your honesty, at least.’
‘And if I can’t, what then?’
His frown deepened as her words tailed off. ‘You’ll have to be a little more specific than that.’
She supposed she should be grateful that they were discussing the flaws in their marriage so openly, but it was cold comfort indeed. She looked him straight in the eyes and dared voice the fear which had been nagging at her from the very start. ‘If I decided I couldn’t endure this life, would you try to stop me from bringing up our baby as a single mother?’
Clenching and unclenching fists hidden by the silken folds of his robes, Kulal glowered. If she’d asked him this question even a few weeks ago, the answer would have been an emphatic yes. He would have told her that such a proposition was out of the question. He would have used his wealth and his power to cut Hannah out of their child’s life as much as possible. To sideline her and ensure their baby could be brought up as a Zahristan citizen, rather than as a westerner. But that was before he had grown to know her better. Before he’d realised that the pain of her own past had made her into the person she was. She would be a good mother, he recognised instinctively, and it would be wrong to wrench her from her child.
Yet the alternative was something he couldn’t bear to contemplate. Surely she didn’t imagine he would allow her to bring his son or daughter up in England, thus denying his child its royal roots and all that went with that?
‘I don’t know,’ he said savagely, which was as close to the truth as he dared go. ‘Obviously, the best solution would be for you to remain here. I have pledged to you my fidelity and now you will understand why I would never go back on that promise. If you can settle for friendship and respect, as well as the rare chemistry which exists between us—I think we could have a very satisfactory life together.’
He wasn’t offering the moon and the stars, but at least he was being honest—and couldn’t that be enough? Hannah licked her lips. She didn’t know. But if she couldn’t accept the limitations of their relationship, then she was going to be very unhappy. And she couldn’t afford to be unhappy. Not for their baby’s sake. Not for Kulal’s, either. How could she bear to put him through any more pain when he’d already suffered so much already? The unwilling King who had made a success of the role which had been forced upon him.
But making promises she might not be able to keep was dangerous and what he was asking was too important to fire off an answer without thinking it through. Even though she had told him her love was unconditional and she wanted nothing in return, what if she couldn’t stick to that? What if she found herself yearning for more than Kulal was ever capable of giving her? Wouldn’t that drive a terrible wedge between them?
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I...I need time to think.’
‘How much time?’
She met his searing black gaze and for the first time since she’d known him, Hannah felt like his equal. It was as if all that had happened had given her the strength to finally shake off the insecurities which had helped define her for so long. Proudly, she tilted her chin. ‘As long as it takes.’
He shook his head. ‘That’s not good enough, Hannah,’ he clipped out. ‘You’re pregnant. We need some sort of timescale.’
‘Is a week reasonable?’
‘That depends,’ he growled. ‘You must know that I’m reluctant to let you return to England.’
