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‘Scared I won’t come back?’
‘You think I’d let you run away?’ he challenged softly.
But the crazy thing was that Hannah had no desire to go back home to work this out. It wasn’t as if she had any sanctuary there—just a stubborn little sister who seemed to have slipped entirely off the radar since the night of the wedding. She didn’t even have a home of her own any more. She didn’t want England, with all its associations and familiarities, clogging up her head as she tried to work out what was best for everyone.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I want peace and quiet. I’d like to go to your beach house.’
‘On your own?’
‘Isn’t that the whole point?’
He looked at her for a long moment before he nodded. ‘Very well,’ he said, at last.
She supposed it was a victory of sorts but somehow it felt hollow. His words sounded so distant as they matched that cool new expression on his face. Almost as if he was already beginning to detach himself from her. As if he was practising for a different kind of ending. Maybe he would be the one to make the decision for both of them. What if time spent apart made him realise he didn’t want a wife, after all? There was nothing to prevent him from using his mighty power to gain custody of their baby and returning to his life of a single man. Hannah bit her lip. And wouldn’t she have facilitated that, with her insistence of demanding time away in order to think?
But it was too late to change her mind. Too late to do anything other than watch as Kulal headed towards the double doors, his lips unsmiling as he slammed his way out of the room without a backward glance.
CHAPTER TWELVE
IT WAS VERY peaceful by the Murjaan Sea. The sunlit air had an almost luminous quality about it and the sound of the waves lapping gently against the sandy shore was hypnotic. Each morning, Hannah pulled back the floaty white curtains and opened the shutters so that she could gaze out at the azure glitter of the water. And for a moment, she would just stand there, taking in the elemental beauty while breathing in the clean desert air.
Accompanied by a team of three female protection officers, a qualified midwife and doctor, Hannah had taken just two extra servants with her to the Sheikh’s beachside retreat. Kulal had wanted to send a much bigger contingent of staff including a chef—but on this, Hannah had stood firm. She’d told him she didn’t want all the accoutrements of the palace or to set up court there. She wanted a place which felt as close to ordinary as possible. To be able to go around unbothered by protocol, without the weight of expectation. Because she hadn’t come here to play at being queen. She was here to decide how she wanted to spend her future and the choice was stark.
To live with a man who could never love her.
Or merely to exist without him.
She tried to imagine what it would be like if she went back to England—yet already it was hard to remember her life there. It felt like a country she’d visited a long time ago which was slowly fading from her memory. Much more dominant was the vivid nature of this desert land, which she found herself embracing despite her worries about the future.
Each morning, she swam in the infinity pool and, during the cool of the evening, explored the sprawling tropical gardens which Kulal had created there. But Hannah couldn’t shake off the feeling of being under some kind of giant microscope. Sometimes it felt almost as if she was being watched—even though her security detail kept a safe but respectful distance. She told herself that she was being paranoid. Because who on earth would be able to get through the fortress-like security which surrounded the Sheikh’s sprawling estate?
Her mind was like a butterfly, unable to rest on anything for long. She kept thinking about Kulal’s hawk-like features and fathomless black eyes. Eyes which could blaze with passion or harden with a flintiness which made them resemble stone. Which was kind of fitting when she forced herself to think how emotionally cold he was. But, always a stickler for fairness, Hannah forced herself to think about other sides of his character, too. His strength and his determination to do the right thing, even if it wasn’t what he really wanted. His honesty—and his courage. Sometimes you ju
st had to go with instinct, and something in her heart told her he would be a loving father even if he could never be a loving husband.
Was that enough?
Wouldn’t it have to be enough?
And meanwhile, she was finding it difficult to sleep. Despite the cool sea breezes which blew through the palace every evening, Hannah tossed and turned as she lay in bed, missing her husband more than she had thought possible. Because it was at night-time that the memories became difficult to ignore. The way it felt when he took her in his arms and kissed her. The way she trembled when he was deep inside her. Sometimes she would press her hands to her breasts and wish they were Kulal’s hands, before guiltily snatching them away.
On the fifth night, she awoke from a troubled dream in the early hours, sitting bolt upright in bed, her skin bathed in sweat. Running the back of her hand over her damp brow, she looked around, her heart thudding. She had left the shutters open and through the floaty white curtains she could see the almost imperceptible lightening of the dawn. Her breath caught in her throat as she thought she heard a faint sound, her narrowed eyes making out the dark shape of a shadow moving outside the window, but it was gone so quickly she was certain she had imagined it. Brushing a damp lock of hair away from her heated cheek, she returned to the constant soundtrack which was playing inside her head. Could she go back to how she’d been before and manage to stop loving Kulal, or was that too much to ask?
For the first time in her life, she had found a problem with no real solution and the frustration of realising this made it impossible for Hannah to get back to sleep. The minutes ticked by and in the end, she gave up and got out of bed, splashing her face with cool water and slipping on some clothes. Through the window, she could see dawn lightening the horizon with a soft blaze of colour and she felt the stir of an idea. Why not witness the sun rising over the desert and see for herself how that stark place came to life? Hadn’t Kulal told her often enough it was the best time—the time when he loved to ride his stallion, the heavy pound of Baasif’s hooves the only sound apart from the occasional hiss of a circling vulture?
Scribbling a hasty note saying where she was going, Hannah shoved it under the door of her security detail who were sleeping nearby, then tiptoed through the silence of the dawn palace. She felt a sense of freedom as she let herself out and began to walk towards the desert, a light sea breeze lifting her sticky hair from the back of her neck. The fireworks of first light were beginning to explode all around her, and the pink sky was shot with yellow and gold and vivid streaks of purple. It was so beautiful, she thought wistfully—and if she hadn’t woken up, she might have missed it.
She was careful to take a straight line from the gardens and not to venture far, because only a fool would risk getting lost in such an inhospitable place as this. But maybe her head was too busy for her to pay proper attention, because after a little while Hannah realised she couldn’t see the outline of the palace any more.
Her heart began to race.
Don’t panic, she told herself calmly. All she needed do was to retrace her footsteps in the sand. She glanced at her watch and frowned. Surely she hadn’t been out here that long? With a touch of urgency now quickening her walk, she began to follow the sandy imprints back the way she’d come. But maybe the sea breeze was stronger than she’d thought because after a while, the footsteps grew fainter before eventually disappearing. A coating of fine dust had covered her path, and it was as if she had never been there.
She blinked as she tried to remember the basic rules of survival, cursing herself when she realised that she hadn’t even brought water with her.
Because she hadn’t been planning to stay.
Her heart began to race. Weren’t you supposed to stay still in circumstances like these? Weren’t some people clever enough to be able to tell where they were by the movement of the sun? She looked up at the vast dome of the sky and wondered if she had imagined the dark circling of a vulture overhead. It was already getting warmer, but Hannah shivered because in that moment, she felt very small and very alone. She was just wondering what to do next when suddenly the silence was broken by the loud thunder of hooves and she looked up to see the growing shape of an approaching horseman. A huge black horse was pounding across the desert, clouds of dust billowing as it moved with the fluidity of black oil pouring across the sand towards her.
