Page 56 of Midnight Sun (Twilight 1.5)

I stood, once again, at the edge of the sunlight, like I had that time in Port Angeles. Then, I was fenced in by the dark shadows... so limited, but this time I just needed to make that one simple step. Bella stepped towards me then, curiosity flaring in her eyes. I was reluctant to pass this invisible line. I belonged in the shadows, she belonged in the light. She smiled at me then and moved a step closer. She raised her hand in welcome. I wasn't ready, I put my hand up to stop her before she got to close, and she stopped hesitantly. It was too late, her warmth hit me suddenly and I took in a deep breath. Unthinking, I stepped closer to her, breaking the invisible fence between light and dark.

Author's note: Thank you for the support on this story so far. I feel like with each chapter I become a better writer and if it wasn't for those of you who have been reading it and reviewing I probably would have never gotten this far!

As I stepped into the sunlight my skin instantly absorbed the rays and emitted them back out in a band of colors. I could see my reflection in her deep chocolate eyes and in that moment I became a statue of uneasiness. What would this revelation do to her resolve? Her mouth slightly parted and I could smell her sweet breath on the light breeze. She only hesitated for a second, and then, with deliberate slowness, stepped closer to me, and I could instantly tell it wasn't because she had an aversion to me, but because she was anxious of what my reaction would be. I moved in that moment, a smile slowly spread across my face. She returned my smile immediately.

Neither of us spoke for an immeasurable moment. I couldn't read her thoughts, but I could clearly read her eyes and her facial expressions. She was dazzled, and so was I. She slid down to the forest floor then, and sat with her arms around her knees. I mirrored her actions and lowered myself to the ground next to her.

There were no foreign thoughts in my head at this moment and it was amazingly pleasant. I lay on the ground with my eyes closed. I felt the warm sun on my ice cold skin and hoped that it would warm up my skin so it wouldn't be abhorrent to the touch. As I laid there in silence, I was breathing in her fragrance. Mixed with the outside air and breeze, her scent was more appealing than it should be. As the silence around us grew, I began composing in my head and singing so quietly that I wasn't sure if Bella would be able to hear. She couldn't hear, because she asked after a minute what I was doing.

As I lay there, enjoying the quietness of my mind and the divine essence of Bella, I felt something very lightly caress my hand. She was warm and I felt so many emotions at once, desire ?C fear ?C anxiety. My desire won my attention though, but the other emotions were still there in the back of my mind. I opened my eyes then, and my eyes met her face. She was the most exquisite creature I had ever seen. Her brown hair had glittering red tints in it when the sunlight hit it just right and her wide eyes were sparkling. She was staring fixedly at my hand, but moved her gaze to meet mine. She looked hesitant, like she was preparing for a scolding. I smiled then.

"I don't scare you?" I tried to sound playful, though I was curious.

"No more than usual," she replied playfully.

My smile grew, and I was nearly grinning from ear to ear. She returned my smile and then moved her stroking fingers up my forearm. I could see her hand quiver slightly as she moved her hand back and forth. I closed my eyes then. I didn't want to look away from her, but my thirst for her touch was growing. Desire was pulsing through my veins. In that moment I pictured grabbing her and holding her to my chest, caressing her back with my hands and pulling her ever closer. I imagined pulling her face into my hands and stroking her cheeks and hair. Desire pulsed through me in waves and I knew she could feel the electricity too. She was still tentative.

"Do you mind?" she inquired.

Didn't she know that she was sending large electric shocks of pleasure through my body?

"No," I replied, still keeping my eyes shut, afraid that if I were to look upon her, I would make my fantasies a reality, and I couldn't let that happen. "You can't imagine how that feels."

I sighed.

She continued to trail her warm fingers across my arm, expanding her search up my arm. I felt the new creature, desire, break through my carefully cultivated fa?ade and divulged into more fantasies. I pictured bringing my lips to her neck, not to take her life, but to kiss lightly. I imagined moving my lips from her neck to her ear where I would whisper how much I loved her.

She grabbed my hand lightly with her free hand and was trying to turn it over. My own nature took over and I flipped my hand, palm up, so fast that her fingers froze on my arm and I realized that I made a mistake. No mistakes, I reminded myself.

"Sorry," I whispered.

I briefly caught a glimpse of her face, making sure I was forgiven. I saw that I was, and closed my eyes again then added, "It's too easy to be myself with you."

She carefully moved my hand back and forth in hers. She was incredibly warm and electricity was throbbing through me. I imagined bringing my lips down her jaw line and then to her unbelievably warm and delicious lips. I sighed internally at the new creature who had broken through all the barriers I had placed to protect this amazing soul next to me. Was she feeling the same desires? I opened my eyes to try and read her expression. Reflections of rainbows were scattered across her face. She looked peaceful. Not being able to hear her thoughts was still taxing. Instantly, I had to know...

"Tell me what you're thinking," I pleaded.

Her eyes swiftly met mine.

"It's still so strange for me, not knowing," I explained.

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time," she said, her voice acerbic.

"It's a hard life," I acknowledged.

I willed my mind to hear her thoughts in that moment... even a single sound would quench my ever dying thirst for her knowing mind. I realized then that she hadn't told me what was on her mind, "But you didn't tell me."

She paused for a moment, biting her delicate bottom lip, "I was wishing I could know what you were thinking..." her voice faltered.

I tried to encourage her to continue, "And?"

Her voice accelerated then, "I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

I was grief-stricken instantaneously.

"I don't want you to be afraid," I spoke the words that were undeniable. I kept my voice soft, pleading. She should be afraid though, she should fear this menacing creature in front of her. She spoke then, bringing me out of my dejection, "Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that is certainly something to think about."

Without thinking, I propped myself up on my right arm, in a momentum that would have been unsettling to a human, but my Bella didn't move a centimeter. During my movement, my left hand stayed securely in hers. My action had only placed me but a few inches from her glorious face. Electricity exploded in me and it took every fiber of my being not to move those few extra inches and place my lips to her delicate ones. I stared fixedly at her and she was dazzled.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I wondered.

She took a deep breath, and then leaned in, inhaling my scent. I took in the sweet air between us into my lungs, too. I was instantly eager. Ecstasy quickly washed over me and I began to lean closer to place my lips against hers. Before she noticed that I had leaned in too, I did the only thing I could to stop my passion from becoming her death and I fled. I was instantly standing in the shade across the meadow. I tried to leave off any expression that would be readable on my face. I didn't want her to see the monster that almost broke free. Which one? I asked myself.

She looked around until she spotted me and then met my gaze. Her face displayed many emotions until she finally settled on shocked. I immediately felt like reaching into my chest to calm my still heart. I could tell that I had done something to upset her.

"I'm... sorry... Edward," she whispered.

No mistakes, I ordered to myself. I just needed to tame the beast within. The craving for her body was overwhelming.

"Give me a moment," I implored.

I took one ?C two - three deep breaths, hoping to dispel any lingering lust for her blood. I am dangerous, I know she saw that, but I didn't want her to know this side of me. I looked at her then, keeping her eyes fixed in mine and walked slowly back into the light, a place I knew I didn't belong. I stopped several feet from her now, trying to bridle my flaming desires. I sank to the ground then, never taking my eyes off Bella. I didn't want to miss a single expression.

I inhaled the air around me, slowly welcoming back her fragrance. I took another breath, just to reassure myself that I could handle this. No mistakes, I reminded myself, though I already knew I had made too many. With our eyes still fixed, I tried to calm her with a smile, "I am so very sorry."

How do I make her understand how sorry I am?

"Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I asked, hoping that she would comprehend what I was trying to explain to her.

She nodded once, with just a light twitch of her lips. Was she afraid now? Had I made a mistake so devastating that she would never grace me with her presence again? I could hear how hard her heart was working, trying to get the blood to her body as quickly as possible. I realized then, that I had promised myself that I would show her what I truly am, so she could understand why we shouldn't be together. My smile turned devilish in the thought of what I was going to show her now.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in ?C my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I bellowed.

I ran around the meadow two times at my normal pace to add to my statement, "As if you could outrun me," I laughed sharply.

I watched her face, she didn't seem convinced that I was a monster yet so I grabbed the closest branch from the tree next to me and snapped it in half like I was breaking a twig. I held it in my hand effortlessly and then threw it so it hit another tree and it broke into several pieces. She looked frightened then, and I was immediately thrown into purgatory. I had to calm her somehow! I went to her in that instant, standing only two feet away, frozen so I wouldn't scare her.

"As if you could fight me off," I said, tenderly.

Her eyes never left mine, and I watched them grow wide during my attempt to persuade her to see the deplorable creature that I am. She didn't run from me, even after she witnessed the things I could do - the things I could do to her, I added. I felt a lump rise in my throat. She wasn't running... why wasn't she running? I could see the terror in her eyes, yet she stayed. I knew how she felt though; I knew I couldn't leave her either. If she were to stay with me, I couldn't bare to witness her terrified expression, "Don't be afraid," I said gently, "I promise..." the words were all wrong, I paused, thinking. How could I promise something I was so unsure of? "I swear not to hurt you," I refuted.

No mistakes ?C I snapped at my new enemy, desire. I looked at her expression then, and I obviously hadn't convinced her.

"Don't be afraid," I begged in a whisper.

I stepped closer, but I gave myself adequate space from her so that I wouldn't be tempted to grab her around the waist, pull her body close to mine, gently grab her chin and direct her mouth to mine... stop there! While I was spinning my fantasies I realized I was now only a foot away from her face, not knowing how I had gotten there.

Keep it together ?C I snapped at myself. Desire had surely taken over.

"Please forgive me," I begged, "I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I tried to persuade myself more than anything.

I was beginning to worry about her. Bella hadn't even whimpered or made a single noise since I decided to show her exactly what a vampire was capable of. Hadn't I reassured her that I wouldn't hurt her after my mistake? What else could I say?

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I winked trying to show her she could trust me.

She suddenly, and unexpectedly, began laughing. Her silvery bell chime voice shaking slightly. Had she gone mad? Did I finally do something to make her mind snap? Horribly, terrifyingly, I was worried that I had damaged the one person who I loved above all else.

"Are you all right?" I asked delicately.

Maybe if I were to try and put us back together again. I placed my hand back in hers and the warmth made me inhale her heady scent while passion and desire started rearing their heads up in approval. She looked down at my hand then, like I had pulled her out of a deep thought. Her eyes slowly rose to meet mine. I was pleading for forgiveness with my eyes, hoping she could see that I was sorry.

She looked back at my hand again, like she was checking that it was still there. Suddenly I was shivering in pleasure as her fingers began tracing lines up and down my arm again. She returned her gaze to my face again and smiled apprehensively. Was everything back to normal now? I returned her smile quickly so she would feel reassured.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked, making sure she realized that I was still sorry for my mistake.

"I honestly can't remember," she said, and I was grateful for her response.

I smiled but the remorse was still plain on my face.

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason." I reminded her.

"Oh, right," she paused.

"Well?" I pushed, impatiently.

She looked away from me again, and stared fixedly on my hand that she was caressing. She didn't look back up or respond for several seconds. What are you thinking? I asked internally. I was becoming extremely frustrated.

"How easily frustrated I am," I sighed then.

She returned her gaze to my face, still not responding. I wanted to take her into my arms then, but she saved me from making my mistake by finally responding, "I was afraid... because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."

Her eyes left mine then, returning to our hands. Was she finally admitting what I have been trying to convince her of the whole time? That being with me was dangerous...

"Yes," I agreed, "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

She frowned then. Was she upset now? What was I doing to this wonderful girl? Will I inevitable kill her?

"I should have left long ago," I sighed. I was now beginning to think aloud, "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

She pulled me out of my thoughts, "I don't want you to leave," she whimpered, looking at our hands again.

Why did she have to make everything so difficult? Why did she have to want me as absolutely as I wanted her?

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should," I said. I crave more than just her company, I crave her body, her blood, her soft sweet lips...

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" I snapped.

I pulled my hand from her grip. I couldn't let her go if she was holding onto me. I showed her what kind of a monster I am and she becomes frightened ?C then I try to reassure her that I won't hurt her... What is my problem? I moved my gaze from her face to the forest, knowing I couldn't let her go if I was staring at her, looking into those deep chocolate eyes.

"It's not only your company I crave. Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I realized I had become harsh, and again, I was nervous that I might have hurt her feelings.

I heard her heart beating. It was a heavenly sound. She spoke then, "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean ?C by that last part anyway."

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