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And then Jonah came along and everything was flipped on its head. He was the spark that lit up my entire life. He reminded me that connecting with someone was still worth it, even if the risk for pain was still present.
And the risk between Jonah and me was astronomical. We hadn’t even talked about Jonah’s sexuality yet, which was a massive block that had been preventing me from diving headfirst into my feelings for Jonah.
I knew him, though. At least I felt like I knew him. I trusted him, and I didn’t think he’d be using me as some kind of experiment. I could feel the mutual feelings between us, and they were potent. Like the strong scent of blooming roses in spring, the feelings that flowed from the both of us were striking and soft and simply undeniable.
I knew Jonah wouldn’t hurt me, so I figured time would be the best option.
I hoped he wouldn’t hurt me. I didn’t have the best track record with placing my trust in the right people, but Jonah had changed all of that for me.
And that scared the shit out of me.
What if it was moving too fast? And what if Jonah got bored with me, if a relationship between us did blossom? I’d be his first ever boyfriend, and as much as that idea thrilled me, it also terrified me. I wasn’t one to get scared easily; I’d faced down plenty worse in my past. I’d gone into dark husks of buildings destroyed by bombs, not knowing what or who was around the next corner, and then have to somehow go to sleep after all of that once I was back at base camp.
I’d faced some shit before, but nothing scared me more than the idea of Jonah throwing me to the side, getting bored with me and wondering what else was out there. That fear struck me hard and fast.
I stood up, the remote dropping and sliding across my tiled living room floor. I left it, leaving the TV on some documentary about UFO sightings. As the man on screen gave his interview about seeing a “floating gold toilet seat with a little dongle on the end of it, right over ma’ cows!” I went to my fridge and grabbed a cold beer. I popped the can open and took a sip, leaning back on the counter, feeling myself getting antsy. I didn’t want to sit. I considered going out for a walk, but that meant putting on pants and a shirt, which were two things i didn’t want to do. And that wasn’t even counting shoes.
I took another chug of the beer. Maybe a shower would be a good idea. Spending some time with good music under the hot water would ease some of the tension tightening up my shoulders.
I started toward the bathroom when the click of a lock in the door froze me in place. Like a puppy excited to see his owner get home after a long day of work, I turned and faced the door, a big smile on my face, my willpower doing all I could to stop myself from fucking wagging my ass with excitement.
The door opened and Jonah stepped in, looking a little surprised at seeing me standing there.
“Hi.”
He shut the door behind him. “Hey.”
“How was dinne—” I didn’t finish my question. Jonah’s lips were on mine before I could get the word out. He was on me like he’d just gotten home from a years-long deployment. We were getting pushed back with the force of the kiss, his hands on my sides, my cock already growing stiff between us, his already hard against me.
“I want you, Fox. So bad.”
“I want you too, Jonah… Jesus, did you have a full-course meal of only oysters and chocolate?”
Jonah laughed at that, his lips plump, cheeks flushed, eyes locked on mine.
God, I really loved this: holding him, being so close to him, feeling him against me. It almost felt too good to be true. “No oysters, or chocolate.” Jonah’s eyes were glittering. “Just the truth. Something I’ve recently accepted and embraced.” Jonah’s smile pushed his cheeks up, crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Fox, I’m gay.”
The words weren’t a complete surprise, but the timing definitely was.
“Oh, that’s—Jonah, holy shit. I mean, congratulations. I know how hard it is to say those words at first.” I pulled him in for a warm hug before pulling him back into a deep kiss. I knew firsthand how scary saying those words out loud was, especially in the beginning. As time went on and you came out to more and more people, because someone never really stops coming out, then saying “I’m gay and I’m fucking proud of it” was a lot easier.
Not in the beginning, though. Pride rose through me. I could see the immediate change in Jonah now that he spoke his truth. There was a light behind those eyes that shone brighter than ever before.
