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That I’d allowed to be buried under the fear of not being able to make it on my own.
My eyes had shifted to Aiden’s image then, and I’d sent him silent thanks for reminding me that that Ash still existed. That he wasn’t lost to me forever.
That he was still worth fighting for.
I hadn’t listened to Aiden’s voicemail because I hadn’t wanted to. It would have been too tempting to lose myself in his voice. To call him up and tell him how much I needed him.
I couldn’t need Aiden. I couldn’t let him fix this for me. I couldn’t risk losing myself in Aiden the way I had with Billy. No, I didn’t think Aiden was like Billy, but truth be told, I wouldn’t have believed Billy could ever raise a hand against me four years ago when he’d promised to take care of me.
I’d only known Aiden for a few weeks. I couldn’t risk losing the old Ash again just because Aiden made me feel a little less broken whenever I was around him. I’d already gotten in far too deep with him. Our dates had been proof of that. He’d somehow managed to bring out the Ash I’d been before I met Billy… before a defective heart had destroyed my future and a freak car accident had stolen away the two most important people in my world. But what would happen when that Ash was no longer good enough for him? What would happen when that Ash started saying and doing the wrong things?
I couldn’t pay this high of a price ever again. I just couldn’t.
It was that thought that had me stepping back again when Aiden moved toward me. He once again masked a look of hurt and took a step back.
“Ash, tell me who did this and I promise, I’ll make it stop. I’ll never let him touch you again.”
God, how many times had I wished for someone to say those words to me?
Too many times… too many to keep pinning my hopes on.
“You said you couldn’t leave until you saw me,” I said as I wrapped my arms around myself. It felt like I was trying to stem a mortal wound that I couldn’t see but that was tearing me wide open inside. “I’m fine. You… you need to go.”
“Ash,” Aiden began as he stepped forward, but he stopped abruptly when he saw me move back again. I could see that he was frustrated that I wouldn’t let him get any closer to me, but I wasn’t about to tell him that if he touched me even once, I’d give in to the need to let him wrap his arms around me so I could forget the clusterfuck I’d let my life become.
“I can help you.”
“I don’t need help.” I knew the statement was ridiculous considering my condition, but I didn’t have the time or desire to explain it to him. Not only could I not trust myself in his presence, I had no clue when Billy would come back. He’d said it would be close to lunch sometime, but for all I knew, he could’ve very well been headed this way as we spoke.
Aiden dragged his hand through his hair in frustration. He took a deep breath and said, “Will you at least let me take you to the hospital? We can call the police and ask them to meet us there.”
I wanted to laugh out loud at that. He really thought it was that simple. “I’m not pressing charges. It was an argument that got out of hand, nothing more.”
“An argument—” Aiden whispered in disbelief. “Jesus, Ash, look at what he did to you!” Aiden said as he moved closer to me. I backed up until I hit the counter separating the living room from the kitchen. Seeing me wince from the pain, Aiden froze in his spot. “Fuck, Ash, please… please tell me you’re not afraid of me. I would never—”
“I know that,” I cut in.
Aiden’s agitation grew and he began flexing his fingers as if they’d fallen asleep on him. If it had been Billy doing the move, I would have been on high alert. With Aiden, though, it mostly just left me feeling guilty that I was the cause of it.
“Just let me get you out of here, Ash,” he said. “We can go somewhere and talk. We can figure out the next steps.”
“I told you, it was an argument that went too far. Billy and I… we’ve been going through some tough times, but we’re okay. It was a mistake and it won’t happen again—”
“That’s bullshit, Ash,” Aiden bit out. “You know it, I know it.”
He suddenly closed the distance between us and his fingers gently clasped my face. “Baby, please, I can help you. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
