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“It’s one thing to blow me off, but don’t do it to my kid, Aiden. He fucking worships the ground you walk on.”
It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about and then I shook my head and dropped my eyes. I sat back in my chair and tucked my shaking hands into my lap. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Bennett. I completely forgot.”
I’d promised Lucky I’d attend a career day thing at his school. He’d interviewed me the previous month so he could prepare some kind of report for his class about what a career in public relations meant, and the teacher had asked him to interview me in person at the fair so that students could ask me questions afterward.
I didn’t need to reach for my phone to know I had multiple missed calls from Lucky, Bennett, and Xander, because I’d purposely been ignoring them. “What happened?” I asked.
“Xander took your place,” Bennett responded. “It’s not like he and Lucky haven’t talked enough about the life of a wilderness guide, so they pretty much ad-libbed the whole thing.”
“I’ll call Lucky,” I said. “Explain and apologize.”
“Explain it to me, because I sure as shit don’t get it.”
There wasn’t any real anger in his voice, though I could tell he was frustrated. Which was justified, since I’d been blowing off his calls and texts all week.
But what the hell was I supposed to tell him?
How was I supposed to explain that Ash’s words had left a hole in me so wide that I wasn’t sure anything could ever fill it again? How was I supposed to explain to Bennett, of all people— a man who knew for a fact I never let other men touch me beyond what it took to get off— that I craved Ash’s touch in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with sex? That even though deep down I hadn’t believed what he’d said about using me to get back at his boyfriend, the words had still stung?
How the hell did I explain things I couldn’t make sense of myself?
And that didn’t even begin to cover the stark fear I felt every second of every day as I worried about Ash’s safety.
I let my eyes drift to Bennett. I hadn’t dreamed about him in the water again since I’d met Ash. Nor had there been a nameless, faceless stranger since I’d discovered Ash and the mysterious journal writer were one and the same.
No, it had just been Ash in that water, his head dipping beneath the surface. He’d stopped calling for me in the dream the very night he’d told me to leave his apartment. I didn’t need to be Freud to make the connection between dream Ash and real Ash.
“It’s nothing, I’m just tired,” I said, even as nerves skittered around in my belly.
Where was Ash now? Was he lying broken somewhere, calling for me? Was he letting that fucker put his hands on him because he thought he had no choice?
The mere thought of Ash being violated had me getting up from my chair. I’d splurged when it had come time to design my office and added a small wet bar where I could stock a few bottles of expensive liquor, both for myself on nights like this, and for when I needed to pave the way with a potential client with a fancy bottle of imported scotch or bourbon. I could feel Bennett’s eyes on me as I made myself a drink. I made him one too and handed it to him, but he waved me off. I threw back mine and then his too before I reached for the bottle again.
Bennett was there to stop me.
“Talk to me,” Bennett said firmly as he took the bottle away. “Not this shit.”
“About what?” I asked as I waited for the alcohol to ease the pressure in my belly. I resisted the urge to shake out my arms and legs. The need to move was indescribable and it was sheer force of will that kept me still.
Aiden, help me!
The sound of Ash’s voice in my head had me muttering “Jesus fucking Christ” before remembering that I wasn’t alone. Bennett was watching me with heavy concern.
“Aiden, you’re scaring me.”
I waved him off. “Go home, Bennett,” I said impatiently as I felt something dark and restless shift throughout my entire body. I had no clue what the fuck it was, but I knew I wanted Bennett gone so I could lose myself in a couple more drinks.
I’m sorry, Aiden.
I turned away from Bennett so I was facing the window. At some point, night had fallen and I’d completely missed it. The city lights began to fade, only to be replaced by what had to be a million stars in the sky. The only movement on the beach was the breaking waves whose white surf danced along the deserted shoreline.
