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"That wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about," Zach murmured. For the first time that I could ever remember, he seemed unsure of himself. If I hadn’t known better, I would've thought our roles had reversed and I was the confident one while he was the insecure mess.
"Then what?" I snapped impatiently. "What do you want?"
Zach was silent for a beat and then he shook his head. "You're not eating."
"What?" I asked, caught off guard by his observation.
"You haven't been joining your friends for lunch. I thought maybe you were going back to your room, but I saw you today sitting by yourself at the lake—"
"And what? You thought I was pining for you?" I asked. I couldn't help the bitterness that went through me. "Okay, Zach, let's pretend I was. What was your plan? Were you gonna give me some words of wisdom about how I should grow up and that what happened between us was just sex and that you warned me all about your stupid rules? Well, don't trouble yourself. If I was a kid before, I'm definitely not one anymore. No more stars in my eyes, no more dreams of saving myself for that right guy. If anything, I should be thanking you. You've opened up a whole new world for me by helping me get rid of that pesky V card."
I didn't wait to see what Zach thought of my little tirade. Since my numbness had abandoned me completely, the tears I'd managed to run from for so long were threatening to finally fall. And there was just no way in hell I would cry in front of this man.
I made a move to push through the door again when Zach’s hand shot out. Instead of grabbing me, he held the door so I couldn't open it.
"Let go," I demanded.
"You haven't returned any of my calls or answered my texts. You haven't been home the last two nights."
A painful laugh bubbled up in my throat. But I didn't recognize the sound that ultimately came out. I dropped my hand from the door and took several steps back. "Is this just some kind of game for you?" I asked. I put out my hands and said, "What card am I supposed to play now, Zach? Because I have no fucking clue. I can't be touched by your supposed concern because I know you don't give a shit about me. And you sure as hell can't be jealous about where I'm spending my evenings after you walked out on me. So what do you want?"
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Zach murmured.
All I could do was stare at him as I played his words over and over in my head. "Wow," I said softly. "Someone really did a number on you, didn't they?" Just like that, my anger began to dissolve. I'd attributed Zach's behavior to something I'd done wrong, but the more he stood before me, completely incapable of connecting with me on any normal level, I realized his behavior had very little to do with me at all. Zach shifted uncomfortably but didn't respond in any other kind of way.
"You know what," I murmured. "I'm fine, Zach. You and me… we’re fine," I said tiredly. Despite the strange revelation I'd come to, it didn't change the way my heart ached for him. Maybe if I hadn't had those few glimpses of the man he’d once been, I could've just passed him off as another selfish asshole who deserved whatever he got. But those smiles he’d gifted me with during the lighter moments of our lovemaking were burned into my brain.
Fucked, Lucky. You guys fucked.
I found myself nodding to the voice in my head.
“See you later,” I murmured. I reached for the door, fully expecting Zach to stop me, but he didn’t make a move toward me this time and I stupidly found myself feeling rejected all over again.
“His name was Mitch.”
The words were spoken so softly, I almost didn’t hear them. For a brief moment, I thought Zach and I were no longer alone in the side corridor because I barely recognized the uneven voice that spoke the words. I froze in place, my hand still on the door handle, as I waited to see what would happen next.
“Mitchell Dorsey. But everyone called him Mitch. Not me, though. He wanted me to call him with whatever title he had at the time. Or Sir. He always liked Sir the best.”
I eased my weight off the door so it wouldn’t inadvertently open and just held on to the handle itself. I was afraid to look at Zach because my gut was telling me this was some big moment for him… for us.
“I was just out of college when I met him. I’d always had this dream of becoming an Army Ranger but my parents really wanted me to go to college. So I did both. I went to college first, and then I enlisted in the army the day after graduation. I started basic training and met Mitch the very first day. He oversaw all of the new recruits. I used to fantasize that he’d seen something special in me that first day when he welcomed all of us, but I eventually figured it out,” Zach said. His eyes were on some spot on the opposite wall.
