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“In all those situations, could you swap out Chris for your sister and have it still make sense?” I lifted an eyebrow at her, and she rolled her eyes. “Except the childbirth one. Don’t be a smartass.”
“What’s your point?”
“Point is, there’s a difference between someone who’s loved you all your life as family or friend and someone who wants to be your beloved, someone you want to… you know what? I just realized I’m having the exact same conversation I’ve been having with my girlfriends since seventh grade.”
I was having a hard time following her. “How so?”
She took my hands again. “Hon, there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. So you’ve gotta think about which one you have with Chris and which one you have with new guy.”
“New guy doesn’t want a serious relationship. What if Chris is the one who actually wants to be with me now?”
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,” Trinity said thoughtfully.
I hadn’t expected her to side with Chris. “Exactly.”
Her smile was sympathetic. “Unless the one in your hand is lameass chicken and the two in the bush are the most beautiful, multicolored peacocks you’ve dreamed about your whole life.”
I tried to laugh. “I feel like there’s a gay joke in there somewhere, but I’m too tired to make it happen.”
Trinity held my hands between hers and patted them. Her skin was warm and soft, comforting. “Regardless of which bird is best, it’s clear this is not the week to make that kind of decision. I prescribe bed rest and lots of it. Maybe take a break from trying to be there for your friend, and instead take a little time for yourself.”
She was right. I was so keyed up from second-guessing what was going on with Chris in addition to checking in on Hattie and running interference at the office while Mike and Chris were out, that I barely knew which way was up. When I finally hugged everyone at Wilton goodbye and made my way to the station, I texted Chris.
Teo: I’m heading home to my apartment for the night.
I didn’t get a response, but I figured he was busy with all of the family that had been gathering in town. He may have even headed out to his family’s big house in Barrington since that’s where the service would be held on Saturday. His mother was already inundated with houseguests and had been begging him to come help entertain everyone.
I realized I’d never responded to Jack after he’d offered to order me dinner earlier in the day. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but I at least needed to start with some gratitude for how thoughtful he’d been this week. Maybe after I ate and rested, I’d have some better words.
Teo: Thank you for your messages. I’m too tired to say more than thank you. For everything.
On the way home, I took my time, wandering around the neighborhood picking up an iced coffee, a few groceries for dinner, and a couple of boxes of Thank You cards so I could help Chris’s mom thank everyone for the flowers and food I was sure they were sending. While I was in the stationery store, I saw a set of paperclips shaped like little airplanes. Maybe it was silly of me, but I went ahead and bought them in hopes I’d see Jack again sometime soon and could give them to him as a little thank-you for thinking of me so much this week.
By the time I made it back to my apartment, I was already on my way toward feeling more relaxed. Trinity had been right. I’d needed some time alone to take a breath and recenter myself. It was only Thursday, but it had been a long week. Gordon had died on Saturday night, and every day since had felt like it had lasted fifty hours instead of twenty-four. But getting away from Chris and Hattie and all of the arrangements for the funeral service had been just the boost I’d needed.
I breathed easier and could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I was sad to have lost Gordon, but I also knew that life went on and he would want us to be happy. As I entered my building and walked up the stairs, I thought about how different my job would be now that I didn’t have Gordon to look after. I’d be back to the consulting side full-time. Office work and phone calls. Time on the computer analyzing project plans and putting together suggested best practice protocols. The realization depressed me which wasn’t surprising.
What was surprising was the new perspective I had. Life was too short to stay in a job that depressed me. While I’d been at Wilton, I’d popped my head in and visited with at least ten of my favorite patients. I’d played a game of chess with Mrs. Varma and helped fix a botched fingernail painting job by Mrs. Chisolm. I’d heard all about Mr. Kramer’s new great-granddaughter and caught up on Mrs. Gresham’s telenovela updates. Being back there had energized me and made me feel more myself than I had in a long time. Maybe that was part of what had contributed to my outburst with poor Trinity.
